


if we touch hands

by EllaWinchester24



Category: What's Your Number? (2011), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Actor!Taehyung, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, And Hoseok Doesn't Have A Partner Bc Yoongi Glares At Any Guy Who Tries To Approach His Bestfriend, Banter, Bc I'm Sprinkling Their Lives With Happy Shit, But Yeah He's A Playboy, CEO!Seokjin, Dancer!Hoseok, Dating!Namjin, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Engaged!Yoonmin, Eric Nam Is A Sweetheart, Eventual Smut, Exes, Flirting, Fluff, Genius!Taehyung, Humor, Innocent Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Jeon Jungkook is a Little Shit, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope & Min Yoongi | Suga Are Best Friends, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Siblings, Laughter, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, Music Producer!Yoongi, Mutual Pining, Neighbours!Taekook, No Angst, Not Like A Fuckboy, Okay Actual Tagging Now, Park Jimin Is a Little Shit, Playboy!Jungkook, Rating May Change, Romance, Sexual Innuendoes, Slow Burn, Tae's Mom Is Mean, Well Not Exactly Enemies, What's Your Number!AU, but sort of, for both Hoseok and Jimin, here we go lads, ish, music producer!Namjoon, nurse!jimin, protective!jungkook, protective!yoongi, romcom, sue me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 41,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaWinchester24/pseuds/EllaWinchester24
Summary: “It just felt nice to be with him, you know? To…spread my legs and be the person that I am,” Taehyung shrugged.Jungkook bites his lips, trembling with barely suppressed laughter. “Spread your legs. You feel good...when you spread yourlegs.”Realisation dawns, horrified and slow, on Taehyung's face. “…spr—spread my wings. I said—”Jungkook bursts out laughing at his neighbour’s horrified face. “Oh my god, dude, Ihaveto tell Yoongi this one, he's going to laugh his ass off, trust me.”Taehyung flushes. “Do not text hy—”“You think maybe he could work it into one of his songs?” Jungkook asks excitedly, pulling out his phone. “Oh my god, that’d be the fucking best, I’m suggesting it to him right now, he’s going to explode with joy.““I hate you,” Taehyung hisses with rapidly reddening ears. “I hate you and I’m going to set fire to your guitar, I swear to god.”ORThe one where Taehyung sleeps with a Furry, falls in love with his neighbour, chases all his exes and makes some pretty terrible life decisions. Not in that order. (The What's Your Number!AU no one asked for but Taekook invented romcoms, so)





	1. Kim Taehyung & The Terrible Decisions.

**Author's Note:**

> i genuinely never thought I'd be here, posting this, oh my God.  
> like I have one (1) Taekook up here but really, this was the first ever kpop fic I ever wrote this passionately, so please be soft on me and humour all the loopholes and inconsistencies.  
> ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡
> 
> just a couple things to remember: this is all set in america and the gang doesn't know jungkook at the beginning of this fic. there's an unrealistic number of korean names in this fic for a setting that's america but that's where you'll see flashes of my brilliant Inconsistency™.  
> (sweifjh I'm nervous, this feels like watching my baby go off to college)
> 
> alright, jump in and let me know what you thought!

When Taehyung had sighed and looked heavenward, quietly asking if his day could get any worse, it was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

 

It was most certainly _not_ a challenge.  

 

Something the universe clearly didn’t understand because within the next ten minutes, his boss is beckoning him into his office with a wave of his hand before stiffly telling him they’re going to have to let him go. Taehyung gapes at him. “What do you mean ‘let me go’? I don’t wanna go anywhere!”

 

“Well,” Jinyoung begins, expression sheepish. “The company’s trying to cut down on its expenses, Taehyung, and we’re letting a lot of employees go.”

 

Taehyung narrows his eyes. “Oh yeah? Like who, exactly?”

 

Jinyoung coughs awkwardly, pretending to open and consult a couple of files to hide behind them. He crosses his arms. Slowly, the top of the other’s head emerges and he mumbles out a weak, ‘it’s just you…for now’.

 

Taehyung sighs at that, letting his head drop into his hands. Getting fired is bad enough on its own. It’s even worse when there's a family reunion in a couple of hours and your ‘lovely’ mother with a penchant for comparing you to every single overachieving cousin is going to be at her bitchiest best. “Can I at least ask _why_ I’m being fired?” he asks, voice muffled into his palms. “And don’t give me any of that cutting expenses bullshit, I’m the best analyst you have. I can't have been your first choice to kick out.”

 

Jinyoung sighs. “Of course you weren't my first choice, Taehyung. But you definitely made the cut for the supervisor when you put in all those photos of him with his secretary in that presentation with the Board.”

 

Taehyung looks up at him with horror. “The hairy fucker figured out it was me?”

 

Jinyoung stares.

 

Taehyung coughs. “Right, sorry. Not important. You were saying?”

 

His boss sighs. “You're the best we have, Taehyung, it's true- but Adler is someone you just don’t fuck with.”

 

And as much as he wants to fight it, Taehyung does understand that. The guy’s hated his guts right from the first day when he had _not so subtly_ suggested that the other shove a pencil up his ass (the cheating asshole deserved it, okay)- he’s only surprised he lasted as long as he did.

 

(Okay, fine, maybe six months isn’t a lot but whatever. With his skills, he’s probably going to be picked up by another MNC in a couple of weeks, anyway, so this isn't a big deal)

 

Besides, he’s had a shitty day overall so it really shouldn’t matter that he’s getting kicked out of a job he doesn’t even like. (Does getting fired rank below or above getting dumped by your boyfriend on the Worst Things To Happen In A Day list?)

 

Nodding slowly, he looks up and aims a weary smile at Jinyoung, who’s still looking uncomfortable. “I guess I’d better clean out my station then.” Jinyoung nods awkwardly and Taehyung huffs as he leaves.

 

There go his plans of banging his boss in the office, then.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

As subway rides go, Taehyung is pretty sure this is his saddest yet. Everyone keeps eyeing the carton full of his belongings, throwing him pitying glances and fuck them, he is _not_ that hard up, okay? He graduated from MIT with honours, he can make CFO in any damn company he wants.

 

(Nevermind the fact that he’d rather not do anything related to finance or numbers at all.)

 

The lady sitting next to him is clearly gearing up to say something consoling and while he’d normally appreciate the effort, he’s just not in the mood. Frantically digging around in the box, he triumphantly comes up with an edition of Marie Claire he doesn't think he's read yet, scooting away from her. Burying his nose in the book, he blocks everyone out and sighs. This should be enough to keep him entertained till his stop arrives.

 

He's not wrong. About ten minutes into combing through the magazine, an article catches his eye. It's a fairly short one, barely covering the page but the title looks pretty interesting-

 

**_What's Your (Sex) Number?_ **

 

Taehyung grins. This should be fun.

 

_Are you someone who enjoys the pleasures of the flesh? Have you frequently let your libido guide you instead of your brain?_

 

...or not. He rolls his eyes at the dramatic language but soldiers on anyway. 

 

_While, normally, you'd be applauded for all that, here's why you need to be careful: p_ _sychiatrists and experts at the R.A.F.K.S. recently conducted a study on the sex and love lives of 300 young men and women only to come to an eye-opening conclusion._

 

_The average amount of lovers a person has before marriage is usually around 10.5._

 

Taehyung freezes. 

 

10.5?

 

He reads the entire sentence again to make sure he got that right.  _10.5?_

 

That's practically nothing! Do they mean 10.5 before a marriageable age or…? (The fuck does a .5 even mean? Half a damn person? A quickie? No penetration? 0/10 clarity, wow.) Deciding that maybe he just doesn't have the entire context yet, he reads on, a sudden sense of unease brewing in him.

 

_While a large percentage of the participants of the study admitted to having an average of 9 lovers, a shocking 11% said they'd entertained almost 12 to 15 partners._

 

_Dr. Naina Marriott, one of the leading members of the panel that conducted the study, revealed that those 11% were much more likely to have trouble settling down into a married life than the rest of the participants. “After a certain number of partners, your own self-esteem begins to dwindle,” she says, “causing you to chase even more partners and start a sort of vicious cycle.”_

 

_The study also found that people who had 20 or more lovers couldn't be a part of a steady relationship and often ended up remarrying over and ov-_

 

Taehyung snaps the magazine shut with a horrified gasp. Twenty? _Twenty_?

 

He didn't know this. Why _didn’t_ he know this? Shouldn't people be informed of this stuff _before_ they were allowed to go out and do the whole sex thing?

 

Goddamn it, universe.

 

But it's fine, really. He's not scared. At all. Slightly alarmed, sure, but totally fine. Because Taehyung hasn't slept with that many people, anyway. So it's fine, it's not like _he's_ in any danger. (Because danger is what it feels like to him. Despite all of his…promiscuous habits, he really _does_ want to end up with someone, someday. Share a cute little apartment, slow dance while making dinner, steal kisses in between bites of their breakfast- the whole damn cheesy package)

 

Which is why, within the next twenty seconds, he's already trying to figure out his sex number.

 

There was Mark waaaaay back in Daegu, and then Lance in- wait, no, wasn't Eric the second? Right. So, Mark followed by Eric and then Jay who later introduced him to Minjae-

 

No no no. Didn't _Minjae_ introduce him to Jay? Or was that Hyungsik?

 

...fuck.

 

Cursing under his breath, he takes out his phone to make a list. It's not like it'll be a _huge_ list, but he might as well be organised about it, right? It won't take that long, anyway.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

It does take that long.

 

It takes too fucking long, because by the time he gets to the engagement party venue- he's _still_ counting.

 

Jimin, the oblivious angel, is unaware of his rising panic as he dries his hair in front of the mirror, prattling on about his fiancé. “So right as I was about to remind Yoongi hyung about our bet, Hobi hyung showed up out of fucking nowhere and cockbl- _Kim Taehyung_ , are you even listening?”

 

The taller man distractedly looks up from his phone only to find a very disgruntled brother raising an eyebrow at him. Damn. “Of course I'm listening, Jiminnie!” He says, hurriedly scrambling to put away his phone. _Now's not the time to count exes, Tae_ , he scolds himself as he tries to look interested. It's his brother's engagement party. He can afford to have a breakdown about his number later. "I just had an important work message is all."

 

The aforementioned brother narrows his eyes, clearly seeing through the lie. “Um right. You never even open your email at _work_ , let alone once you're back so cut the crap, dude. What's really going on? You've been distracted all evening.”

 

“Pfft, me? _Distracted_?” he waves a hand carelessly. “I don’t think you know this, Jimin, but in _my_ college-”

 

“We went to the same college.”

 

“Well then you must know that in _our_ college, I was famously called Focused Kim-”

 

“They called you the Zoned Out Kid till fifth semester when you found out and cried about it to the Dean,” Jimin states matter-of-factly, turning back to the mirror. “So, if you don't mind just getting to the point already, please do tell me what’s up, you big baby.”

 

Taehyung deflates. There's no point in trying to hide the truth from Jimin, he's always been perceptive.  _Almost too_ _perceptive_ , Taehyung grumbles internally, thinking about every single time the other boy had been able to decode his crime with just one look at his guilty face. But while he's apprehensive of telling Jimin about the list, he also knows Jimin's the only one whowould know _exactly_ how to cheer Taehyung up about it and its alarmingly fast rate of growth (and maybe also help him remember the name of the ice cream parlour boy from high school).

 

Taehyung sighs, lying back on the hotel room bed. The older boy would never judge him for anything, anyway, so there's no harm in divulging his latest life crisis. (Well, technically, he _did_ judge Taehyung just this morning when the younger called to inform him that his boyfriend had only ever thought of them as fuck buddies and wouldn't be his plus one for the wedding, but that's besides the point, it's really not relevant-)

 

Taking a deep breath, he drops the big bomb. “Dr. Marriott said I might not end up married steady to someone.”

 

There. It’s out in the open. He said it; it was tough to muster the courage bu-

 

“What.”

 

Taehyung huffs at the anticlimactic response. “ _I said,_ Dr. Marriott said I might not end up with someone.”

 

“Wait, Dr. who now?”

 

“Dr. Marriott. The psychiatrist.”

 

Jimin looks confused for about two seconds before his eyes widen in horror. “Taehyung,” he starts slowly, like he's trying very hard to keep calm. “You don't _have_ a psychiatrist.”

 

Taehyung sniffs disdainfully. “Jiminnie, I just found out about her today, alright? _Super_ psychology skills.”

 

Jimin suddenly looks very panicked. “Tae, did you bully a therapist into listening to your rants again?”

 

Taehyung bristles. “Okay firs off, I did not _bully_ anyone that time, Jimin, don’t put it like tha-”

 

“You climbed in through one of Dr. Walker’s windows and proceeded to lock both of you inside so he'd listen to you rant about how bread crumbs are junk food to ducks! How is that _not_ bullying?”

 

“It's an important piece of information not many people are aware of! And it distressed me!”

 

“TAEHYUNG _._ ”

 

“Ugh _fine,_ I'll tell you, jeez,” Taehyung grumbles. Jimin slowly shuffles closer to lie down with a sigh, wrapping an arm around the younger, pulling him till Taehyung's head is snugly sitting in the crook of his neck.

 

After a few minutes of comfortably lying on the bed, Jimin breaks the silence. “So which idiot have you been talking to this time?”

 

Taehyung huffs out a laugh. “It was an article in Marie Claire,” he replies softly, rolling his eyes at the ensuing scoff. “Yeah yeah, you can judge me all you want but, it was legit, okay? Like, statistics and a panel of psychologists and shit.”

 

“And what did these statistics and panel of psychologists try to tell you about your love life?”

 

Taehyung muffles his voice into his brother's neck, slightly embarrassed. “That those who have sex with more than 20 people usually end up single,” he says awkwardly. “Apparently they conducted a study and discovered that only 11% of people sleep with more than 10.5 people.”

 

Jimin sighs. “Are you really going to listen to that, Tae?” he asks, exasperation colouring his tone. “You know as well as I do that if your partners had been given enough time, they'd be begging you to marry them as soon as possible.”

 

“But that's exactly my point!” he says, pulling away to look his brother in the face. “Maybe I moved from partner to partner too quickly! What if I didn't give them enough time?” Jimin opens his mouth to protest but Taehyung doesn't stop to listen, drawing away from the cuddle to rant more passionately. “Like with Zack this morning. Who knows, maybe I kicked him out too quickly!”

 

Jimin tries to stifle a snort. “Zack only thought of you guys as fuck buddies, Tae. Pretty sure he wouldn't have _wanted_ to stay.”

 

“Yeah but, I could've covered up the fact that I'm marriage material with great casual sex till he felt, I don't know… relationship-y.”

 

Jimin laughs and Taehyung smacks his stomach.

 

“It's not funny! Our lovely mother is going to have yet another thing to nag at me about,” he squirms unhappily. “I can hear her whining already, ugh.”

 

Jimin pushes at his shoulders, still cackling helplessly. “That's the doorbell, you dumbass. Come in!” he calls out, grinning widely when Yoongi enters a moment later, raising a questioning eye at their proximity.

 

“Jimin, what did I tell you about having sex with your brother without me?”

 

Taehyung grimaces, searching for a pillow to pelt the oldest in disgust.

 

“Not to do it without you,” Jimin chirps dutifully, accepting his fiancé's quick kiss with a cheesy grin. “Don't worry, babe, we were only making out a little. You know I'd never start without you.” Yoongi colours, coughing lightly to cover up his embarrassment. 

 

Taehyung hates them both. _So_ much. “Have you two been reading that sex book again, you dirty fuckers?” Yoongi opens his mouth and Tae realises his folly instantly, covering his ears in panic. “Never mind, never mind, never mind, I _really_ don’t want to know.”

 

The couple shrugs and he heaves a relieved sigh. “If you wanted to, though, we wouldn’t mind giving you a practical demonstration,” Yoongi winks and Taehyung grimaces.

 

“I hate you and the two of you are disgusting,” he declares, watching as Jimin pulls the eldest into their cuddle pile. “ _Severely_ disgusting and as your best frie-”

 

“ _Hoseok_ is my best fr-”

 

“ _As your other best friend_ ,” he continues, glaring at Yoongi. “I feel responsible to inform you that you shouldn't be talking about possibly-incestuous threesomes an hour before your _engagement party_.”

 

The two of them grin goofily at that and this time, Taehyung can't bring himself to say anything about it, too busy fighting a grin himself. He's unbelievably happy for them having made it here despite the obstacles that blocked their course. His brother, about to marry his boyfriend of so many years. Unbelievable. 

 

Still, it doesn't mean they can't be jerks. Like now, for instance.

 

“So what _should_ we be talking about if not kinda-incestuous threesomes with annoying best friends?” Yoongi teases, sneakily drawing him closer so they're all in one big cuddle sandwich.

 

Taehyung lets it happen, knowing from experience that pointing out the other's secret cuddling habit is only going to bring him pain (his ribs twinge at the memory of the vigorous poking he'd received last time he'd tried to poke fun at the supposedly ‘not-tactile’ man snuggling up).

 

“I’ll have you know I'm not annoying,” Taehyung replies haughtily, pinching whatever skin on Yoongi he can reach. “And there's plenty of things to talk about that _don't_ include threesomes… Honeymoon destinations, flower decorations, the lack of dick in my life now that Zack's gone, how my mom is going to react to me not bringing a date to _yet_ another family wedding- you know, the usual.”

 

The couple cackles and Taehyung, being the generous soul he is, lets them. They're the only ones in the family who don't spend every single minute of every single family reunion criticising every aspect of him they can. They're his biggest supporters, encouraging every good decision he makes and standing next to him through the bad ones with a long suffering sigh.

 

Even now, it's clear Yoongi's focus is more on making sure he has a date so his mom leaves him the fuck alone on the D-Day than laughing at his predicament. “You could always go with Jinwoo,” the oldest suggests helpfully. Taehyung gives up on trying to get Jimin to shut up and frowns.

 

_Why does that name sound familiar…_

 

Yoongi rolls his eyes fondly. “I can't believe you forgot him. Especially since you two got on like a house on fire for a while there. Remember, Jiminnie?”

 

His brother nods but Taehyung's still wracking his brains. It's right on the tip of his tongue...

 

“Park Jinwoo?” the shortest supplies. “Mom’s sister's son? Honestly Tae, how you can forget your own cousin-”

 

“ _Step_! He’s her stepson!” Taehyung yelps, everything coming back in a flash. Oh shit, _fuck_.

 

The couple stares at him, confused at his reaction.

 

“Step-cousin,” he clarifies because oh god this _is_ low-key incestuous, oh fuck. “He's Uncle Minho's previous wife's son, remember? We're not even related by blood, actually so.” He babbles on nonsensically, jumping off the bed to look for his phone and make _another damn addition to that Sex Number List._

 

Jimin stares at him suspiciously as he types away on his phone. “Yeah, step-cousin. Anyway, he was moping about his lack of dates to bring to the wedding yesterday too, so you could come with him. It doesn't _have_ to be a boyfriend or something, you know.”

 

“Oh yeah, haha sure.” Taehyung chuckles nervously, making a mental note to avoid the fuck outta Jinwoo. There's no way he's going to his brother's wedding with someone he’s fucked six ways from Sunday.

 

~~Even if said fucking was great.~~

 

He makes the addition and realises, with a jolt of surprise, that Jinwoo finishes his list. (He can just put in Ice Cream Guy's name later.)  _Alright_ , he thinks with a deep sigh. The moment of truth. Sending up a quick prayer to whoever might be listening, he starts counting.

 

And stares at the paper once he's done.

 

Fuck no, he must've made a mistake in adding them up. He recounts and then does it again, desperate when the number doesn't change.

 

Nineteen.

 

He's had _nineteen_ lovers.

 

No no no no no no no.

 

_No._

 

How can he be one person away from _twice_ the national average? He hasn't slept with that many people! And does Minjae even count? It was, like, _one_ time when they were drunk and high off the rush of their first successful theatrical production.

 

And Andy was in his life (and bed) for an exact time period of twelve hours, can he _really_ be considered a “partner”?

 

Also, Adam didn't even-

 

Taehyung shakes his head, huffing at himself. He's not the kind of low person who makes excuses about things like this. He slept with a bunch of people and to suddenly pretend that it doesn't count would be douchey. And if there's one thing Taehyung is not, it's a douche.

 

Ignoring the weird looks his friends are throwing him, he takes a deep breath, putting his game face on. All he can do right now is make sure he gives a good speech at the engagement party.

 

(…and then call a meeting with his squad, because this? Is some serious shit.)

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

“This is _not_ serious shit,” Yoongi tells him flatly, three hours later, seated at their regular table in the gang’s favourite bar. Taehyung scowls at him.

 

“We're here, Yoongi, might as well help now,” Seokjin shrugs, taking a sip of his weirdly coloured drink.

 

Yoongi glares at him. “We're here because Taehyung managed to get through his speech without embarrassing Jimin or me. Not because we had to discuss his dumb Vogue—” “ _Marie Claire,_ ” Taehyung whines. “—dating bullshit.” the elder finishes with another glower.

 

Namjoon frowns. “Don't you mean without embarrassing _hims_ -”

 

“I mean exactly what I said.”

 

Taehyung glares at the shorter man, hating the fact that a voice in him low-key agrees with the other. His brother, thankfully, doesn't seem to possess this voice and joins him in glaring at his fiancé, who withers slightly. “As Tae’s best friend, you-”

 

“I _told_ you, Hoseok’s my best-”

 

“ _As Tae’s other best friend,_ ” Jimin continues, narrowing his eyes. “You really should be showing a little more concern. _Darling_.”

 

Everyone snickers at the hostility layering the term of endearment and Yoongi makes a mental note to get reservations at his fiance’s favourite restaurant before schooling his features into something he hopes resembles sympathy for their resident idiot. Taehyung wants to laugh at the attempt but the larger issue at hand keeps settling in the pit of his stomach like an uncomfortable weight.

 

How is he supposed to just ignore the fact that he might never end up in a stable, happy, permanent relationship?

 

“Hey,” Hoseok’s soft voice breaks him out of his reverie. “You okay, buddy?”

 

Taehyung flashes him a mostly genuine smile. Mostly. “I guess.”

 

The elder purses his lips and pulls at the other to give him a quick squeeze around the shoulders. “Cheer up, I’m sure there are tonnes of others who’ve crossed twenty! How many people do you think would’ve even been honest in that survey? No one just exposes themselves in a public survey, Tae.”

 

Taehyung feels something like hope bloom in his chest. “You really think so?”

 

Hoseok smiles, bright and radiant. “Of course I do!”

 

“Well, how many people have you slept with, hyung?”

 

The smile freezes. “Wh-what?”

 

“I said-”

 

“Yeah no, I heard you. I just-I mean,” he chuckles nervously. “That’s not- I’m no benchmark, Tae, come on, you know that.”

 

Yoongi snorts. “You’re asking someone who’s barely kissed three people in his entire life, kid, come on. Don’t embarrass Hobi,” he teases.

 

Hoseok glares at him. “Your fiance was wrong, you’re clearly not my best friend.” Yoongi throws him a betrayed look. “Besides whose fault is it that I don’t have much experience?” he asks pointedly, eyebrows raised.

 

“Uh, yours for being a wimp?”

 

“No, _yours_ for being an overprotective spoilsport,” Hoseok snaps back. “You never let me date any of the guys I like!”

 

“Because they don’t deserve you, Seok!”

 

“But you won’t even let me find out!” Hoseok whines. Taehyung coos at their friendship, pinching his youngest hyung’s cheeks.

 

“And anyway you have no right to speak, you’ve only ever slept with this mochi here,” Hoseok sniffs, expertly flinging an ice cube from his drink straight into Yoongi’s shirt.

 

The latter yelps and wiggles like an eel, failing to get it out as the rest watch in mild amusement. “You, Jung Hoseok,” he snarls, once he’s finally managed to fish out the half-melted cube, “don’t understand true romance. That just means Jimin’s the only one I’ve trusted and loved that much.”

 

Hoseok pretends to gag while Jimin ‘awww’s and presses a quick peck to Yoongi’s cheek. Mood instantly perking up, the latter turns to Taehyung. “Joon-ah’s probably your best bet here. Going by the number of times Hobi and I walked in on him going at it in the recording studios, he _definitely_ has more experience than the rest of us... mere mortals.”

 

Seokjin rolls his eyes, taking another huge gulp of his drink.

 

“I’m...not over ten yet, buddy,” Namjoon shrugs apologetically as the youngest turns to him with hope. Hope that is very rapidly dwindling.

 

“Alright, _enough_ ," Seokjin snaps, staring judgmentally at all of them. “I _would_ ask why you’re all so hard up in the sex street, but since Tae and I are the best-looking here anyway, I won’t bother.” Everyone bristles as Taehyung giggles at the boastful statement clearly intended to cheer him up more than snark at the others.

 

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, Tae,” Seokjin says, more seriously this time. “You know as well as I do these articles are only aimed at fuelling gossip. I’m at sixteen and clearly not an ineligible bachelor.”

 

Namjoon scoffs. “There you go, Tae. Even _Jin hyung_ isn’t worried,” he says, a slight harshness lacing his tone. The temperature seems to drop tangible degrees as Jin sends a mild glare his ex’s way. “You can relax.”

 

“What Namjoon-hyung means to say is,” Jimin jumps in, ever-anxious to avoid any unpleasantness, “You really have nothing to worry about. You’re a smart, attractive young man who doesn’t have to rely on anyone or anything to feel better. Least of all sex, alright? Just be yourself and don’t let a magazine define your lifestyle.”  
  


Taehyung nods, feeling somewhat better about the situation. He has never let anything slow him down from the way he lives his life and this little piece of baseless nonsense is _definitely_ not going to have him changing his lifestyle for any reas-

 

“Or, you know, you could always just stop fucking people till you know you’ve found The One,” Namjoon jokes. Everyone laughs, shaking their heads at the absurd notion.

 

Except for Taehyung, that is.

 

Catching sight of the sudden enlightenment dawning on his friend’s face, Yoongi pales. “Tae…” he begins warily, because never has that look lead to anything good in his experiences. Ever. “You know Namjoon was only jok-”

 

“You’re a genius, Joon hyung!” he yells happily, damaging five pairs of ears in less than five seconds. “That’s just it! It’s exactly what I have to do. I just have to stop,” he says happily, eyes twinkling.

 

“Stop...what?” Hoseok asks, eyes wide with the same despair that’s slowly rising in all of them.

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Stop sleeping with people, of course!” he declares, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “That way, I’m only going to put out when I _know_ it’s the right guy.”

 

Everyone sighs and-

 

“And then I’ll marry him!”

 

-quietly lays their heads down on the table.

 

Taehyung frowns at the back of their necks. “...what?”

 

Without looking up, Yoongi shoves his wallet at the other. “Go get yourself a drink and don’t come talk to us till you’re smashed.”

 

Despite his confusion, the youngest happily accepts the wallet, telling himself not to argue and just enjoy God’s blessing. It isn’t everyday he can go and drink himself silly with Min Yoongi’s card, after all.

 

Which is why, when twelve midnight finds him drunk as all hell and ordering yet another drink, it is _totally_ said fucker’s fault.

 

(Okay so maybe the drinking competition with the ever-present alcoholic at the bar had been his idea but hey, he’s single, jobless and having the worst day of his life. Let him live, yeah? And he isn’t _that_ drunk, anyway)

 

Just as he thinks this evening is getting too boring for his taste (maybe he should consider giving the DDR in the back another shot...?), someone clears their throat next to him.

 

“You’re looking a lot perkier than this afternoon,” a voice drawls next to him and Taehyung can’t resist his eye roll at the predictability of it all. The universe really is fucking with him today. “Especially for someone who just lost their job.” 

 

“You’re looking a lot douchier than usual,” he glares at Jinyoung. “Especially for someone who just fired me this afternoon.” He knows the insult doesn't make much sense, but he doesn't really care at this point. Okay, maybe he is a little drunk. 

 

His ex-boss feigns offense, placing a hand over his heart in exaggerated shock. Taehyung doesn’t bother holding back his snort. “And here I was, thinking of us as friends.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, _friend,_ ” Taehyung says, widening his eyes in mock-guilt. “I only came out here to have a fun time and I don’t need your noodle ass bothering me, thank you very much.”

 

Jinyoung laughs. “Pardon me, I thought I saw you checking out this noodle ass the other day.”

 

Taehyung sniffs delicately. “That’s between me and my right hand and none of your business.” (Alright, maybe he’s a _lot_ more drunk than he previously thought.)

 

“Oh I think it’s _definitely_ my business.” Jinyoung’s face still has amusement painted all over it but there’s a shadow of something like lust on it, gaze a little hungry as he gives Taehyung a distinct once-over.

 

Taehyung blinks slowly. There is...no way his eye-candy of the past few months is hitting on him right now. No way. He shakes his head, trying to clear it a little. Looks like it’s time to go find Yoongi. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go find some people,” he announces. “Who actually care about me and not just the figures I fix for their company.”

 

“Come on,” Jinyoung groans, throwing his hands up exasperatedly. “You know I don’t give the orders to fire people! Especially not our best analyst.”

 

Taehyung sighs sweetly. “If only there was a way you could make that up to me.”

 

He smiles. “Oh, I can certainly think of a few.” The twinkle of amusement in Jinyoung’s eyes steadily deepens into something heavier and Taehyung gulps at the sudden intensity of his gaze. Are they still just bantering?

 

He gets his answer seconds later as a large, warm hand gently lays down on his at the counter and _wow_ , is the air getting a little thick in here or…?

 

“How about I show you?” the other whispers softly, leaning forward till Taehyung’s breathing hard and heavy, lips millimetres away from Jinyoung’s. “What do you say, monkeybutt?”

 

The petname slams him out of his weird trance and he stifles the urge to laugh at the other but...something about the way Jinyoung’s presence is wrapping around him like a thick hazy fog, makes it hard to turn him away. He’s wanted this too, after all.

  
  


As the other’s hands wrap around his waist, bringing him even closer, Taehyung only has a few seconds to think this is _not_ going to end well before it’s all slipping away.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

As it turns out, he’s right.

 

It does _not_ go well for him the next morning, when he wakes up to the sight of a heavy arm thrown around his torso. His very bare torso. In fact, you could even say he kinda panics.

 

“Holy _fuck_!”

 

Alright, he full-blown panics, whatever. 

 

Point is, it’s a Saturday morning, he’s trapped under the arm of someone he desperately hopes _isn’t_ who he thinks it is, naked as the day he was born and a very special kind of soreness in his ass. 

 

Yeah, he doesn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to get this one.

 

Trying to calm his heart rate back down to something that resembles ‘normal’ is hard, especially when he can feel the cause of his soreness poking into his back. On the bright side, at least he doesn’t have to spend half an hour trying to find motivation to stir from the bed.  

 

Crawling out from under Jinyoung’s arm, he thanks his drunk self for having had at least enough brain cells for coming back to his place and not the other man’s. There’s just always something so comforting about panicking and calling your best friend in your own bathtub.

 

“Good morning!” Jimin greets him on the first ring, sounding way too happy to Taehyung’s hangover-stricken ears.

 

He wisely decides not to lessen the chances of him receiving help by being acidic and jumps to the point.

 

“Okay, Jimin, I slept with my ex-boss and now, I’ve fucking hit twice the national average and he’s sleeping in my bed and I don’t know what to do, I really don’t want to end up being a spinster with twelve cats living alone all the time except for at Christmas when my family visits me out of pity, holy fuck help me I-”

 

“ _Whoa_ , hold up a damn second,” Jimin cuts in. “You’re not making any sense. You slept with Carol? Since when are you into women again, Tae, I thought-”

 

Taehyung growls in frustration. “No, not Carol- Jinyoung! Lee Jinyoung, he fired me yesterday afternoon!”

 

“You got _fired_? Jesus, Tae, why didn't you tell me?”

 

Taehyung closes his eyes, long-suffering. “That’s not important right now, Jimin. The point is: I slept with Jinyoung. I’ve reached twenty. Jinyoung is in my bed. And I need him _out_. Code Fuckin’ Red, come _help_ me.”

 

“Wait wait wait,” Jimin says, voice confused. “What do you mean, you need him out? Didn't you say you were gonna marry Number Twenty? Aren't you gonna marry Jinyoung?”

 

Taehyung peels the phone away from his ear, staring at it incredulously. He cannot believe his brother right now. “No! I’m not going to do anything of the sort. Come on, Jimi-”

 

“Hyung!” his brother yells excitedly on the other side, calling out to Yoongi loudly. “Yoongi hyung, Tae’s getting married!”

 

Taehyung chokes.

 

From the other end, he hears Yoongi grumble out a 'congratulations, dickhead’ before sinking back in bed.

 

“Yoongi hyung is thrilled,” Jimin informs him chirpily. “This is so exciting! Does this mean he’s giving your job back to you? Are you gonna be promoted now? Will he re-hire you as his secretary this time so he has easy access to blowjobs? Are you guys going to aim for a September wedding, oh my gosh, that’ll be perfect, Yoongi hyung and I’ll be back from our honeymoon and we can help you plan out the details! Ooh and Hobi hy-”

 

Taehyung panics harder. He’s doing this shit on purpose. He _has_ to be, oh my god. On the other side, Jimin comes to a sudden halt. “In case, you’re wondering- yeah, I’m doing this shit on purpose.”

 

Taehyung wails.

 

(But softly)

 

(He doesn’t want Jinyoung waking up and demanding Round Two)

 

(Fuck no)

 

“Please don’t tease me right now, Minnie, I can’t— he’s right outside, oh my god,” he blubbers, trying, and failing, to coherently express how hard he’s panicking at the moment.

 

Jimin sighs. “I tried to stop you last night, Tae. I saw his arm wrapped around your waist and I genuinely tried to get you to listen to sense but—”

 

Taehyung shrinks into himself, trying to melt into his bathtub. _Please don’t say I turned into Drunk Nate,_ he prays, _please please please._

 

“—you were in full Drunk Nate mode,” his brother finishes with a heavy sigh. “No one can handle you when you turn into a horny white frat boy, Tae, you know that.”

 

He curses under his breath. Why can’t he ever make good decisions and resolutions when he’s drunk? Does that shit only happen to people who appear in self-help videos?

 

“Also you tried to intimidate me by growling and spitting at me. Then proceeded to say that I should let your ‘beastly manhood conquer what it desires’,” Jimin says distastefully, before lightening up a little. “But hey, you sure did conquer, huh?”

 

Taehyung isn’t sure how, but he can practically see the hostile wink emoji Park Jimin is sending him _over call_. Even through the phone, his smirk is insufferable and yet he has no choice except to beg for mercy and ask for rescue.

 

“Jiminnie,” he begins gravely before realising it won't be enough. Fuck. Desperate times call for- “ _Hyung_.”

 

“Oh wow, I like the sound of this, keep going, Tae.”

 

Swallowing his pride, he complies. “Jiminnie hyung, you're the only one in the world who’s ever had my back—”

 

“The rest of the gang is going to murder you for that, but go ahead.”

 

“—and I’m begging you. To please. Please. Come rescue me. ASAP.” Bits from last night are finally floating back into memory and he’s very certain he doesn’t want to be married to someone who was _that_ insistent on doing it doggy-style. “I don’t want to marry a fucking furry, Jiminnie,” he says as tearfully as he can. He doesn’t use the whole teary-eyed tone often, but the elder is _weak_ for it.

 

His brother huffs. “I know what you’re doing and I hate that I’m still falling for it.” Taehyung whoops internally. “Okay fine, I’m on my way.”

 

“Thank you, Jesus Christ, you’re the best, Minnie, I love you, I can’t eve-”

 

“Alright alright, keep your clothes on.”

 

“And stop telling you how much I appreciate the existence of an angel like you in my life?” Taehyung asks, clutching his hand to his still-panicking heart. “ _Never._ ”

 

Jimin sighs wearily. “No, I mean like literally. Please keep your clothes on and don’t sleep with him again in the time that it takes me to get there, _please_.”

 

Taehyung gasps in outrage, for real this time. He’s about to tell the other he’s not that hungry for dick all the time, thank you very much, but the dial tone is suddenly beeping in his ear, signalling the end of the call. He rolls his eyes. Jimin can be so prickly in the mornings, jeez.

 

Outside, in his room, Jinyoung lets out a loud grunt before turning over to sleep on his other side.

 

Taehyung sighs.

 

Jimin better hurry up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R.A.F.K.S. stands for Research Association for Filthy Kinky Sex, but you're the only one who knows, so be cool. 
> 
> come tell me what you thought on [tumblr](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com)! i love chatting, seriously come say hi ^-^  
> my next update...is today because I have too much of this written and ready to let it simply lie around. 
> 
> leave me a comment or a kudos and have a nice day, lads <3


	2. Kim Taehyung & Assholes All Around.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I lowkey want to ask why your neighbour’s calling you a kitten and you’re suddenly offering free blowjobs,” Jimin comments mildly. “But I’m also a truthful Christian boy and can’t find it in me to be a hypocrite and say I wouldn’t pay that Jungkook guy to call me a bitch and leave me on read.”

As it happens, his goddamn hobbit of a brother is still on the way when he panic-calls him up twenty minutes later. “What the _fuck’s_ taking you so long?” He whispers as loudly as he can into the phone. He’s migrated to the living room now, on account of his ex-boss (Taehyung refuses to even _think_ of him as a hook-up) having woken up and zombie-walked into his bathroom. Taking away his Palace of Panic.

 

“Look, I needed to grab a large box of condoms and candies on the way, okay, don’t yell at me, I’m only a block away.”

 

“I told you I needed him out of my house, Jimin, _not fucking me with candy sticks_ next,” Taehyung hisses venomously.

 

Jimin whistles. “Kinky, I like your imagination. But don’t worry, the condoms and candies are part of the Shoo-The-Fucking-Furry-Away Plan. Not the Letting-Fucking-Fury-Fuck-Tae-Again Plan, trust me. There won’t be any shadow of a ‘next’ by the time I’m done scaring him off.”

 

He groans in despair. It’s too early on a Saturday morning for this.

 

As though sensing his rising despair, his brother’s voice softens. “We’ll figure it out, Taehyungie, hang tight. Almost there.”

 

He’s about to reply when the sound of the toilet flushing reaches him and he whispers a quick ‘bye’ before hanging up and scrambling to look nonchalant.

 

It’s only when Jinyoung walks into the room a few moments later and stops short, staring at him sprawled belly-up out on the couch, does it strike him that it might not look all that nonchalant but oh, well. Too late to change now. In fact, looking at the other’s expression even gives him hope that he might weird him out till the dude just leaves.

 

“Morning, how you doing?” Taehyung asks with a deliberately wide grin. He’s going to weird the fuck outta this dude. _Bye bye, Jinyoung._

 

Jinyoung blinks once, and then again. “I- I’m good? Y- um.”

 

Taehyung waits, elation bubbling up in his chest. _It’s already working_ , he cackles internally. _And I didn’t even need Jiminnie to rescue me thi-_

 

“You know,” the fucker smiles suddenly. “You remind me of a kitten, waiting for a bellyrub, all spread out like that,” and Taehyung—

 

Taehyung weeps a little on the inside.

 

Jinyoung is slowly approaching him, eyes holding a familiar glint and fuck no, he knows that look; that look is why he couldn’t concentrate during board meetings and also the only reason they came back to his place last night. He found it hot when they worked together and he’s finding it hot right now, but there is no force in the world that’s going to make him go for a round two with Mr. Puppy Fucker. No. _No_.

 

In his desperation to get away from a determined-looking Jinyoung, he (foolishly) tries to catapult himself over the back of the couch, only for his foot to get stuck, causing him to land on his ass. Hard.

 

“Shit, Tae! Are you alright?” the other man’s face pops over the couch, concern etched into his face.

 

Taehyung finally feels guilt prickle at him as he nods slowly. He’s a total dick for going to such lengths to get rid of the guy, right? He’s always been such a sweet and funny boss. And it’s not like anyone can _help_ having the kinks they have. (Or maybe they can, he’s not sure, but anyway)

Still, it’s better to end this here and now instead of dragging it out and ultimately hurting the guy even more.

 

He opens his mouth to explain heavily that the two of them won’t really work out, and it’s best if Jinyoung just le— the doorbell rings.

 

Aching ass and feelings of guilt suddenly evaporating, Taehyung jumps at the door, already singing praises of Park Jimin, the Almighty Saviour. He swings it open with a wide grin and—

 

“Morning, 6C.” His neighbour stands in front of him, smile blindingly bright.

 

Okay _fuck_ his life. Seriously.

 

“Jungkook.” Taehyung greets through gritted teeth. Normally, he wouldn’t be so curt; they’re on pretty decent terms as neighbours but then again, it isn’t exactly the most normal of days for him today.

 

“May I come in?” the other man asks, only for the sake of formality it seems, because the next moment he’s ducking in uninvited, snapping the door shut after him with his grubby ass sneakers.

 

He’s going to fucking murder Jungkook. And then Jinyoung. And then Jimin.

 

(Why do all their names start from J? Is there a ‘Bully Kim Taehyung Cult’ people can join if their name starts from J?)

 

(He wouldn’t be surprised actually, it explains why his mom is named Joohyeon)

 

“I hope you don't mind, buddy,” Jungkook throws casually over his shoulder as he strolls in, looking around curiously. “I left my keys in my apartment when I went to check the mailbox and now I’m locked out till the landlo- oh heyyyyy, didn’t see you there.” the guy stops short, having suddenly come upon the source of Taehyung’s misery this morning.

 

Jinyoung raises a hand in greeting. “Lee Jinyoung. Nice to meet you.”

 

Jungkook sends him another blinding grin, introducing himself. “I’m his neighbour, I live in 6A, the other side of the corridor.”

 

Jinyoung looks politely disinterested (Taehyung rolls his eyes. Jungkook was just trying to be nice, jeez) and after a cursory nod at him, turns to Taehyung again. “I actually had something important to talk to you about. Could we maybe…?”

 

Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Jungkook’s eyes widen in understanding as he gets the hint, backing away to one corner of the room, still very obviously eavesdropping despite trying not to look like it. Taehyung suppresses an amused snort.

 

His ex-boss’ voice snaps him out of his observation, however, and he reluctantly tunes back into the conversation. “Let’s talk? If you don’t mind?”

 

Internally, Taehyung is ready to punch something out of nervousness. He knows what’s going to happen, he’s just unprepared for it and he’s so terrified he might accidentally _accept_ Jinyoung’s proposal for a date that it’s making his hands sweaty and fuck what if they do end up getting married? He’s going to have to become a furry too because he isn’t going to let anything stop him from enjoying sex and holy shit, would he have to wear a ta—

 

“…just us, you know? A simple dinner, nothing too fancy, and definitely no pressure or expectations,” Jinyoung winks.

 

Taehyung feels a little part of him shrivel up and die because he actually looks hopeful and hey, he’s been a fairly decent guy all along (well, mostly) and Taehyung really doesn’t know how to turn him down without letting guilt consume him whole for the next three weeks.

 

“ _Damn_ , that’s really terrible timing, dude,” comes a voice out of nowhere. The two of them stare confusedly at Jungkook, seemingly apologetic and sincere. “There’s a really important tenants’ meeting tonight, remember?” Taehyung blinks. “It’s the uh… the one about the bird?” Taehyung frowns. Jungkook is gritting his teeth now. “The one bird that _just. won’t. fucking. leave_?”

 

He says the last bit meaningfully and it finally hits Taehyung what the guy’s getting at.

 

Oh.

 

 _Oh_. He could kiss the guy. 

 

“Oh yeah!” he exclaims loudly, slapping his forehead in mock-surprise. Jungkook stares at his acting skills in disgust. “I’d _totally_ forgotten about that. Thanks dude, Benny would’ve killed me if I hadn’t shown up.”

 

“Can’t let my favourite source of laundry-time entertainment die so soon,” his neighbour winks back and Taehyung flushes. _Just because he’d been caught jamming out that one time…_

 

Jinyoung looks between the two of them in bewilderment. “What…?”

 

Right. Enough is enough.

 

Taehyung steels his nerves. It’s now or never. Furry sex vs. boring old sex. And he isn’t prepared to let go of his vanilla side just yet, so.

 

“I’m so sorry about this, Jinyoung,” he says, injecting his tone with as much apology as he can muster. Slowly pushing him towards the door, he continues. “I genuinely had no idea a meeting would pop up like this, I hope you don’t mind. But hey, I guess I’ll see you around, yeah?”

 

Jinyoung, still not entirely sure of what’s going on, nods in a daze, turning ( _finally_!) to open the door and make his way out slowly. Taehyung heaves a relieved sigh— only to yelp a moment later, as he’s _literally_ picked up by the guy and pinned against the adjacent wall. Before he can start thrashing around in panic, Jinyoung’s lips find his and for the next few moments, Jungkook stares in concerned alarm as the poor guy’s kissed quite…passionately. 

 

Breaking away to gasp for air, Jinyoung smiles greasily. “Last night was really fun.” Taehyung nods hastily, if only to be put down on his feet again. Thankfully, someone Up There’s listening and he’s lowered to the ground. “Thanks, kitten.”

 

This time, Jinyoung really does amble out of the apartment with a wink, waving cheerfully to the two still inside.

 

Taehyung waves back, quickly shutting the door and plastering his back against it, in case the guy decides to make a comeback. It’s highly unlikely, he’s a pretty talkative guy, he’s probably going to start talking to the girl who was making her way out of Jungkook’s apartment but he’s just being ca-

 

Wait.

 

Taehyung whirls around, yanking the door open again, only to stare in shock as the pretty girl shuts his neighbour’s door after her, looking around in confusion before continuing what was, very clearly, her Walk of Shame.

 

He seethes. Locked out, huh?

 

Slamming it closed behind him once again, he storms into the apartment glaring daggers at Jungkook, who’d dived to take cover behind the sofa as his hook-up came into view. “Hey, dickhead! You think maybe that girl in your apartment could’ve helped you with the whole ‘being locked out’ thing?”

 

Said dickhead emerges from behind the sofa, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry?” he offers weakly.

 

Taehyung scoffs. “And to think I was going to _thank_ you for helping me.”

 

“I mean, you still can, it’s not like I’d ever say no to a thank you blowjob,” Jungkook shrugs. “And coming from _you_ , heck, it’d be—”

 

“ _I wasn’t going to offer you a thank you blowjob_!” Taehyung screeches. “I don’t even want to get into how you made that jump.”

 

The other man smirks. “How do you think that girl landed up in my apartment last night?” Taehyung closes his eyes and prays to Jesus for some strength. “And anyway, how else do you thank someone for rescuing you from clingy one-night stands?”

 

He stares. “By opening my mouth. And saying ‘thank you’.”

 

Jungkook cocks his head to the side. “I mean…the first part of that plan sounded okay to me, I guess I don’t understand wh—” 

 

Taehyung groans, doing his best to stifle a blush as he catches on to the innuendo. “Just— just get out. Only normal ‘thank you’s are dealt out under my roof.”

 

Jungkook raises his eyebrows sceptically. “Right, because you’re the epitome of normality, singing to your laundry basket at two in the damn morning.”

 

“Oh my god, let it go, you big baby, it was one time and I was running a temperature.”

 

“Who talks to their laundry basket when they have a fever? Literally, all people do is jack up on cough syrup and stay in bed all day! They don’t sing off-tune lullabies to inanimate objects, Taeyang.”

 

“My name,” the brunette fumes. “Is Taehyung. Kim Taehyung. Dickhead.”

 

Jungkook does that confused little head-tilt again. “That’s strange. The video’s title said you were Kim Taeyang.” He shrugs. “Oh well, must’ve been a typo.”

 

Taehyung’s eyes go as wide as a saucer’s, throat suddenly drying up. “Wh- what video?”

 

Jungkook pauses in surprise. “Oh, you don’t know,” he breathes, delight spreading across his face. “This is going to be so good,” he grins, swiping around on his phone a bit before passing it to him. One look at it makes it clear the video’s from last night.

 

Taehyung closes his eyes. This is _not_ going to be good.

 

On the screen is an enthusiastic Kim Taehyung, twerking to Nicki Minaj on the bar tables, while Jimin struggles to stop him from grinding against Jinyoung. In the background, Yoongi and the rest are repeatedly apologising to the staff. The video goes on for a hot minute, before ending with a zoom in shot of him making out with his ex-boss.

 

He groans, letting his body collapse on the sofa. What is dignity? What is self-respect?

 

Taehyung knows not of these alien concepts.

 

A hand pats the top of his head. “It’s okay,” Jungkook coos condescendingly. “We all make terrible decision at three in the morning after a couple bottles of vodka.”

 

“How do you even know about this?” Taehyung grumbles, pulling away from his grip. “Stalker.”

 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, pocketing his phone. “Don’t flatter yourself. I just come from a long line of cops and happen to have a notification alert on everyone in the building. Helps to pick out the hot, kind-hearted ones if they ever need something at night,” he winks.

 

Taehyung wrinkles his nose in disgust. “Stop banging your way through Boston,” he says futilely.

 

“Awww, you jelly, _kitten_?” Jungkook squats down to his level. “Don’t worry, I’m all yours when you want it— right across the hallway, just knock, yeah?”

 

Taehyung glares at him and stands up, dragging the idiot along with him to the entrance. “Alright, thank you for that useless offer, I’ll be sure to forget it as soon as you leave. Bye now.”

 

“But I don’t wanna go just yet!” the other man whines, playful smile casually lighting up his face. “I like our bant-”

 

He groans, placing his hands firmly on the other’s chest to try and shove him out. “Just—go—away!”

 

Jungkook pouts sorrowfully, opening his mouth but (thankfully) Taehyung never gets to hear the bullshit he’s about to spout because that is the moment Jimin chooses to barge in, obnoxiously loud. “Yo Tae, I just saw Jinyoung grab a taxi, am I too la…te.”

 

The shorter man skids to a halt, voice fading out as he catches sight of the pair standing in the doorway, bodies breaching each others’ personal bubbles.

 

Taehyung winces. This doesn’t look good. Before he can explain what’s going on, his brother’s eyes slide a little further down, settling on his hands. Hands that are, unfortunately, resting cozily on the other’s chest.

 

 _God must fucking despise me_.

 

“KIM TAEHYUNG.”

 

He closes his eyes. _Here we go_.

 

“I can’t believe you’re about to sit on someone else’s dick already! Jinyoung literally left two minutes ago, jesus _shit_ , dude.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Jungkook cuts him short with an exaggerated sigh. “Does it look like there’s any dick-sitting going on here?” he gestures between the two of them, both fully dressed and sporting grumpy expressions.

 

Unbelievably, Jimin actually stops midway through his rant. Only Yoongi hyung has ever been able to get his best friend under control when he starts chastising Taehyung.

 

He looks at Jungkook in wonder. Huh. That’s twice he’s been saved by the guy.

 

~~But no one’s keeping count.~~

 

In any case, Jimin actually pauses to look at the two of them this time, before catching on. “Ahhhhh,” he says slowly, piping down with a sheepish grin.

 

“Yes. Ahhh is right,” Jungkook fixes him with an unimpressed stare.

 

“In my defence,” his brother hurries to add. “It _did_ sort of look like Tae was feeling up your pectoral muscles and usually, the time span between that and dick-sitting isn’t very extended.”

 

“ _Okay!_ ” Taehyung squawks, ignoring his juvenile neighbour’s snickers andshoving him out, hands placed on firm shoulders this time. “That’s enough for the day, you two.”

 

“Oh sorry, Tae, I didn’t mean t-” Jimin starts, only to be viciously kicked at. “ _Ow_!”

 

“Alrighty,” he chirps once Jungkook has successfully been pushed outside. “Goodbye, Jungkook. It was terrible meeting you, please visit me again never.”

 

He’s about to shut the door in his face ( _finally_ ) but the other man’s hand shoots out,stopping it from closing. He leans in slowly, a killer smirk set in place. “Okay, but if you ever feel like coming through on that promise of a blowjob, I’m right across the corridor, _kitten_.”

 

So saying, the latest asshole of Kim Taehyung’s life stalks off, finger gunning at both brothers before finally disappearing inside his apartment.

 

“I lowkey want to ask why your neighbour’s calling you a kitten and you’re suddenly offering blowjobs,” Jimin comments mildly. “But I’m also a truthful Christian boy and can’t find it in me to be a hypocrite and say I wouldn’t pay him to call me a bitch and leave me on read.”

 

“I will burn. Your stupid. Wedding folder.”

 

Jimin huffs.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

“Do you think my hair’s alright?” He asks, pulling the rearview mirror towards him as Taehyung pulls up into the parking lot. The latter doesn’t bother scolding him for it anymore; he’s learnt not to mess with Jimin’s hair fussing ritual, never mind the fact that it’s going to get them run over one day.

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “You spent twenty five minutes shampooing those brittle strands in _my_ shower and used up almost all the hot water. What do you think?”

 

“It’s summer, Tae, you hate bathing with hot water in this weather,” his brother points out patiently, as they get out of the car and head to the elevator. “Besides, you didn’t even clean your hair. A wise choice, considering I can think of several other places you might've had to scrub.”

 

Taehyung seethes at the wink he’s sent. “The only reason I didn’t wash my hair is because I have trust issues sharing shampoo with you since that one time in college.”

 

“For the last time, Taetae, I did not switch y—”

 

“You switched my shampoo with hair dye and everyone and their mom knows it,” He hisses bitterly, entering the lift and punching the floor number.

 

“I did no such thing,” Jimin retorts hotly, ears reddening.

 

“It happened the morning _right_ after I got dared to give Yoongi hyung a lap dance at that frat party, don’t lie, Park goddamn Jimin.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I was just as surprised as you when I saw yo-”

 

“IT WAS YELLOW FOR A MONTH,” Taehyung bellows, voice echoing in the huge elevator.

 

Jimin finally collapses in helpless giggles at the visual reminder that pops up in his head. It really had looked awkward, even on a stunner like Taehyung.“It wa- it was hilarious,” he chokes out through gasps and Taehyung kicks at him again.

 

“No one sucked my dick for five weeks, Minnie,” he recalls sadly after a while. “ _Five_.”

 

“The sad part about that is you actually had a girlfriend back then,” Jimin pipes up impishly, narrowly avoiding another kick by running towards Yoongi’s office.

 

Taehyung sighs and follows after him, walking across the huge lobby. He’d love to chase after the jerk, but something about entering this lobby always makes him pause and reminisce.

 

He must’ve seen it a million times by now, but the beautiful interior that decorates Wings Studios never ceases to amaze him. It had never been a stretch to imagine that Namjoon and Yoongi would end up as top-notch music producers, but to actually _see_ them run this elegant company, one of the most successful record labels in the scene, was still…awe-inspiring. He smiles at the intimately lit album covers that hang on the wall like paintings.

 

There’s shuffling beside him and in the next moment, Jimin speaks up, pride layering his voice. “Unreal, isn’t it?” Every single track the duo has ever worked on, hangs in their lobby and corridors, the album art serving as a poetic reminder.

 

Taehyung nods. “It’s been, what, four years since they set up this place?” He shakes his head with a disbelieving huff. “God, you remember the day they’d bought this building? They were _so_ giddy about decorating according to their taste and not their measly budget.”

 

“And then Seokjin hyung had killed their dreams with one glare,” Jimin laughs, recalling the day fondly.

 

It felt like yesterday, the day Yoongi and Namjoon’s venture had finally kicked off, funds pouring in and demands for their music ratcheting up. But before any of that could happen, they needed a place. A building to call their own and a company to create.

 

And that’s when they’d found the location they were currently standing in.

 

_The entire group had gone out to help them decide how the place should look, each of them sporting proud grins._

 

_Except for Seokjin._

 

_The eldest had taken one look at the producers’ choices before hissing and dragging Hoseok with him to fix their idiocy. “You don’t use neon green in the recording studios, what the fuck is wrong with you two.”_

 

_Yoongi had tried protesting. “But, it’ll look lively an-”_

 

_“And all your artists will want to hang themselves,” Seokjin finishes for him. “That or claw their eyes out.”_

 

_“Hyung, you have a merger next week to finalise for your company,” Namjoon had said hesitantly. “Shouldn’t you be worki-”_

 

 _The other had cut him off with one peck to his lips. “Stopping my boyfriend from decorating his up-and-coming record label with_ dive-bar interiors _is slightly more important, sue me.”_

 

 _“Um, it’s also_ my _company? Like, we’re a duo, Jin hyung, just because you’re fucking Joonie doesn’t mean you ca-”_

 

_Namjoon was pulled into another intimate kiss, his partner’s outrage clearly of no import to his lover. “Now, let me and Hobi decide the colour scheme, yeah?”_

 

_And that had been that._

 

 

 

“He might’ve had to fight Yoongi hyung on every decision, but goddamn, am I glad he did,” Jimin chuckles.

 

“The artists have no idea of the horrors they escaped just because Jin hyung was a brave angel for their sake.” Taehyung sighed in mock-sorrow.

 

His brother grins, linking their arms. “Now, shall we?”

 

 

Stella, a longtime friend and Yoongi’s personal secretary, nods at them as they approach his corner office, mouthing something that neither of them understand. She’s on what clearly seems to be a stressful call, frantically taking notes and hyperventilating, so they pretend to understand and flash a dumb smile back at her before hurrying past her desk. 

 

Jimin whistles. “Must’ve been one nerve-wracking call.”

 

“The woman works for _Yoongi hyung_.”

 

Both of them laugh and Taehyung is just about to recount his brief (yet traumatic) experience of working in Wings’ financial department when a sudden sound startles him quiet.

 

Next to him, Jimin seems to have heard it too, because he’s staring at Yoongi’s office door with wide saucer eyes. The door stays innocently still, as though it isn’t hiding whatever had caused the noise a few moments ago. 

 

They stand stock still for another few minutes, looking wide-eyed at each other.

 

As enough time passes without any further sounds, the two begin to unfreeze and convince themselves it was a mere hallucination. (Better that than believing Yoongi’s studio is actually haunted, like the guy keeps insisting.)

 

Only, that’s the moment a moan floats out into the corridor.

 

The brothers’ jaws drop open in shock and it takes barely five seconds (and some more moaning) for Jimin to recover. His eyes go dark and steely, posture straightening up. Taehyung, for his part, grabs an umbrella from the stand outside Yoongi’s office and brandishes it like a weapon.

 

Usually he doesn’t care what people do in their lunch breaks but watching porn in your _office_ , of all places, is something he refuses to condone.

 

Jimin nods at him. He nods in return.

 

Gathering all of his strength, Jimin takes a deep breath and _kicks open the door._ Once the door opens, though, it becomes clear that it might not have been the best of ideas.

 

“ _Oh fuck yes, right there_!”

 

Jimin screams.

 

Taehyung shrieks.

 

Stella stares as the two run out, clawing at their eyes.

 

And inside Yoongi’s office?

 

Namjoon moans again as Jin shoves back into him.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

“Yoongi, please just…don’t be mad.”

 

Yoongi glares at Namjoon. The latter’s flushed red, whether from the embarrassment or the recent fucking, Taehyung remains unsure. He isn’t a hurry to find out which one, really.

 

All six of them (Hoseok has been summoned from his dance studio a few blocks over) are currently seated in the company’s cafeteria. It’s mostly deserted since it’s a holiday and apart from the guards, Stella and the producer-duo, no one had come in today.

 

Well. Except for Seokjin, it seems.

 

“It’s not what you’re thinking, seriously,” Namjoon reiterates, sincerity bolstering his words. 

 

Yoongi points furiously at Jimin, who’s been sitting speechless and staring at a vase for the past fifteen minutes. “You broke my fiancé. So one of you—” he snarls, squinting at his work partner and Seokjin. “—better explain what’s going on.”

 

Jimin shudders again. Taehyung pats him sympathetically. Not doubt his eyes were still reliving the moment he’d walked in on the two of them going at it on Yoongi’s desk. He was in the front so he’d taken the brunt of that kinky visual.

 

“It’s not what it looked like!” Namjoon bemoans, tugging at his hair agitatedly.

 

“So you weren’t fucking on my desk?” The elder demands. “The same desk where, by the way, Jimin and I have _also had sex_?”

 

Taehyung snatches his hand off Jimin’s back in horror, staring between his brother and brother-in-law in disgust. ~~Can’t trust anyo~~

 

Before Namjoon can speak, however, Seokjin raises his hand.

 

“Hyung, please, if you’re going to say ‘it’s not what it looked like’—” Yoongi bites out.

 

“Actually, I was going to say it’s exactly what it looked like.” The other smiles beatifically. “I did fuck Joonie on your desk. Twice,” he clarifies smugly, before settling back in his chair. Content with the damage he's caused. 

 

The room descends into chaos again, Jimin’s sputtering and Yoongi’s angry swears drowning out Namjoon’s appalled ‘ _Jin!_ ”. His brother looks quite close to frothing at the mouth, Taehyung notes with a great degree of interest while Hoseok seems to be oscillating between smacking Seokjin and rubbing at Jimin’s shoulder. Neither of which seem to be helping the two. He stares at them turn-by-turn.

 

Yep, this is going to be a great talk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are my only source of nutrition <3   
> feed mE


	3. Kim Taehyung & The Epiphany.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jiminnie and I weren’t sure what to do—”
> 
> “Clearly,” Namjoon mutters under his breath.
> 
> “Namjoon-ah please,” Hoseok snaps. 
> 
> “He ran in brandishing an umbrella, Hobi!”
> 
> “Only because I thought I’d have to smack someone if something illicit was going on,” Taehyung retorts. “And there was! The office looked— and, and the desk was— ugh, my point is you two were illicit-ing all over the place, okay!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> so here is chapter three and,,,it's so much shorter than the previous two, jeeeeez, but I felt like the coming scenes with Jungkook deserved their own space so here we go ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> (I don't know if this update is funny, but I still tried so let me know what you thought!!)

The ensuing commotion is, incidentally, what brings him to the realisation that their resident dancer is the only one capable of bringing any sense to this confusion. Taehyung nudges at him wordlessly.

 

“Why is it always me?” Hoseok sighs rhetorically, before dragging their chairs in a circular shape and finally plopping down on one. “Okay, enough. We’re going to start at the beginning and listen to everyone’s version of what happened, okay?” A grumble of assent. “Great. Tae, as the only coherent one, you get to go first.”

 

He beams. “It’s a rather traumatic story, hyung, but for you, I’ll keep it SFW.”

 

“I appreciate it, buddy.”

 

“Well, it all started with Jiminnie and I deciding to visit Yoongi hyung at work since we had the day off.”

 

“Taetae, you got fired yeste—”

 

“My _dickhead_ brother’s fiancé,” Taehyung glares at the interruption, “is a masochist and loves working holidays so we thought we’ll pick him up from work and get lunch together. Except once we got to the office, we heard strange… sounds coming from inside.” Everyone but Seokjin winces. “Jiminnie and I weren’t sure what to do—”

 

“Clearly,” Namjoon mutters under his breath.

 

“Namjoon-ah please,” Hoseok snaps.

 

“He ran in brandishing an umbrella, Hobi!”

 

“Only because I thought I’d have to smack someone if something illicit was going on,” Taehyung retorts. “And there was! The office looked— and, and the desk was— ugh, my point is you two were illicit-ing all over the place, okay!”

 

The younger producer crosses his arms, eyebrow raised sceptically. “Eleven years in America and you still manage to astound me with your lovely grasp over basic concepts of English grammar. Charming.”

 

Taehyung narrows his eyes at him. “I don’t think you’re in a position to be mocking me, considering the fact that I literally had to see Jin hyung’s dick because of your loud, incessant moans.”

 

“Uhh, you’re welcome?”

 

“It was _not_ a gift,” he grinds his teeth. “Why would his dick ever be something that brought my eyes pleasure?”

 

“I mean it _is_ pretty—”

 

“Okay, that’s enough!” Hoseok jumps up, flinging a hand out to halt both parties. “Taehyung just continue, please. And _no provocation_. All of you. Behave _._ ”

 

He huffs. “So yeah, I just ran in behind Jimin with the umbrella—”

 

Namjoon’s hand goes up. Hoseok pinches the bridge of his nose. “No questions till the end, please.” The hand stays, perfectly immobile. “Goddamnit, ugh, fine, go ahead. But only one question and if it’s not sensible, so help me, I will burn your all your vinyl, you get that?”

 

“What purpose exactly did you think the umbrella was going to serve?” Hoseok throws up his hands in disbelief. “No no, Hobi, one second, I’m actually curious. Did you hear my moans and automatically go ‘I need an umbrella to avoid hyung’s boner’? What was your reasoning, exactly? I need to know. For science.”

 

“You know what?” Taehyung scowls at him. “Since I am not a disobedient fiend like you, I’m going to finish the story for Hobi hyung’s sake.” (“ _finally_.”) “So the two of us ran in and once we got through the door, we just saw…them.”

 

“Namjoon hyung lying on the desk and Jin hyung on top of him,” Jimin finishes for him, apparently having recovered for the most part.

 

The dancer nods at both of them gratefully. “Okay, so we all know what’s happening here roughly, at leas—”

 

“Yeah, Kim fucking Namjoon’s buying himself an office in another goddamn building.”

 

Hoseok ignore his best friend. “—but I’m still going to ask Jinnie hyung if he has anything to say.”

 

Before the other can put down his phone to respond, Yoongi butts in again. “Keep it PG-13, hyung,” he stares suspiciously at the elder. “Hope-ah doesn’t need to be given explicit details, please.”

 

Hoseok rolls his eyes fondly at the show of protectiveness.

 

“Yeah yeah, no one should touch your precious Hobi’s innocence, we get it,” Seokjin drones, picking at his nails. “Besides, you really don’t need to be worrying, we didn’t do anything nasty.”

 

“Knowing you and the current context, I kinda find that hard to believe, but go ahead.”

 

“Look, it’s simple,” the eldest shrugs. He really looks extremely placid for someone who was caught fucking his ex on his childhood buddy’s desk. “With me managing overseas expansions, Joonie and I saw each other at Yoongi’s birthday party after almost two years. It was a great night and we got talking, realised pretty quickly that we definitely still felt something and, you know, proceeded to fuck on Yoongi’s bed. The end.”

 

Everyone stares at him.

 

Yoongi is the first to crack, exploding as soon as his voice returns. “WHAT DAMN KINK DO YOU TWO HAVE ABOUT DOING IT ON MY STUFF?

 

The guilty two hold up their hands defensively. “Well, it’s not like we’re going to get the real thing anytime soon,” Seokjin points out, looking between him and Jimin. “Might as well leave our marks where they won’t show, right?”

 

Taehyung shudders at the purposely over-sexual wink he sends to Yoongi. “I think I’m going to be sick,” he announces weakly.

 

At that, the elder’s head instantly snaps towards him. “If any of you get any more bodily fluids on my furniture, I’m making you buy me a new one, _do you hear me_?” he fumes, looking frazzled and unsure of how to tackle all the news that’s tackling him. “Don’t you dare get your fluids on my stuff, ever, at all or I will decimate you. This is a pure household, get that straight!”

 

Taehyung isn’t sure whether pointing out that him and Jimin have already defiled 97% of the surfaces in their penthouse is going to help anyone, but just as he opens his mouth to try, Namjoon speaks up.

 

“Hyung, really. I— we’re both sorry,” he says softly, eyes lowered. Yoongi pauses in the middle of his rant. The other’s voice sounds genuine and sincere and he can’t help but wind down. “I know it was sudden and you’re probably going to assign the dumbest of artists to me as payback, but really it wasn’t what it looked like.”

 

Fingers interlock with his and Namjoon smiles at Seokjin. Looking between the two, Taehyung suddenly blinks in surprise. He hasn’t seen that soft a look in the elder’s eyes since their days in university when he would spend hours playing with his then-boyfriend’s hair, laughing around and attacking him with kisses at any moment.

 

Oh. _Oh_. His eyes widen.

 

“You’re not just…fucking, are you?” he asks, stunned. “The two of you got back together.” They grin at him, nodding slowly. “Oh wow. Guys um, oh my god, congratulations!”

 

The two laugh at his dazed greeting before groaning as he leaps to hug them both together. “Tae… I can’t…breathe,” Namjoon gasps out, sighing as he’s released from the death grip.

 

“How long has this been going on?” Yoongi demands abruptly, jaw tightening. The recently revealed couple bite their lips in hesitation.

 

“The morning after your birthday party, I asked Joonie if he’d like to come to my company dinner. Things just sort of took off after that,” Seokjin answers distractedly. “But, look, Yoongi, we were going to tell you and we were going to do it this week, I swear, it’s just—”

 

“Your response is exactly what we were afraid of,” his boyfriend cuts in, looking distinctly unimpressed with the other’s demeanour. “It wasn't easy navigating this and we really were hoping for a better, more accepting reaction.”

 

Instantly, Hoseok and Jimin flock to the two, crowding in for a big hug and reassuring them with well-wishes and congrats. They’re just getting cosy in the huge cuddle pile, commotion not dying down, when a throat clears behind them.

 

“Five hundred and eighty-seven times,” Yoongi says quietly.

 

“Oh shit,” Namjoon breathes.

 

“Five hundred and eighty-seven times I said it to you, Joon-ah, do you remember? I told you, you and hyung were made to be together.” He glares furiously. “I sat with your dumb, wallowing ass for three and a half weeks after the breakup during which— by the way— I always told you that you’d get back together. Even when you were drunkenly trying to sell me to the bartender to pay your tab.”

 

His partner grins sheepishly. “Sorry?”

 

“Barely a week after _that,_ —”

 

Seokjin jumps up then, practically climbing the other man to shut him up. “Yeah, I remember where this is going, haha, there’s no need to talk about that week, though. It’s cool, nothing happened at all, let’s move on!”

 

Yoongi shakes him off with another glare, continuing. “A mere week after I got through that idiot’s wallowing, Idiot Number Two started feeling the breakup hit. Which meant another couple of hellish days where I was repeating the same. Damn. Drill.”

 

Taehyung almost wishes he had popcorn. The three eldest have priceless expressions.

 

“All that time I spent,” Yoongi pauses dramatically. “All those weeks of endlessly reassuring you goddamn dunces that I knew you’d get back together someday. And when you finally do get together— _without_ telling me, that is— you say… I’m not… accepting?”

 

Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok exchange glances.

 

Namjoon nervously extricates himself from the cuddle pile, stepping up to the elder as slowly as he can, hands held up as though he’s pacifying an agitated animal. “You’re right, I was being unfair. I shouldn’t have- um, should we, fuck okay- how about you and I get all of us some more doughnuts? And maybe I could tell you about how things— ow, ow, fucking shit, Yoongi, _that hurts_!”

 

“I know and, believe me, I don’t care,” the other replies cheerfully, dragging the other away by his ear to get those doughnuts. “Don’t worry, your boyfriend’s going to get the same treatment very soon.”

 

Namjoon’s protests fade out into the distance as the producer-duo moves away, leaving an uneasy Seokjin behind. “He’s not going to… with me, right?”

 

Jimin sighs, patting his hand sympathetically. “Not if Hobi-hyung tells him not to, he won’t.”

 

Hoseok sputters. “He’s your fiancé! Shouldn’t he be listening to you over me? _You_ tell him.”

 

Jimin and Taehyung snort. “Hyung, you’re his best friend,” he reminds him.

 

“After me.”

 

“After Tae, of course,” Jimin acknowledges. Everyone giggles. “Remember that one time we were video calling and he heard you sneeze thrice in a row, so he drove down to your place with the medical kit?” Hoseok opens his mouth only to find himself unable to rebut. “Yeah, that? It’s called being whipped. For your best friend. So tell him to spare our lovely hyung’s cute ears, and he’ll be fine.”

 

The dancer sighs, shaking his head and giving in with a roll of his eyes. Jimin and Seokjin cheer and in the ensuing chatter, only one persons voice is notably absent.

 

“What’s on your mind, buddy?” Seokjin asks, scooting up to him. “You’ve been a little off since… well, since you saw my dick and ran out of there, screeching like an angry crow.”

 

Taehyung chuckles. “I guess I’m just a little confused. Like, I don’t mean to be to ruin the joy and cheer but how did all of it happen? How did you, of all people, get back into this? I just don’t understand what convinced you to…I dunno—”

 

“Date an ex?” he winks.

 

Taehyung laughs. “Sure.”

 

“Well, when the breakup happened, we thought that was it, you know? That it had come to its end, we were never going to see each other in that light again and all that jazz.” Seokjin frowns. “But the fact remains that for all our denying, the spark was still there, it was still alive. So, reuniting that evening after being wrenched apart for two whole years was, hah, I don’t know, surreal. One hesitant smile was all we had to exchange before things just… aligned. It worked and now, we’re here. Stronger than ever.”

 

“Well, actually Yoongi’s desk was definitely the strongest, but I’ll let you have your fantasy,” Jimin quips, dodging the elder’s quick flick, as the others laugh.

 

Eventually, Taehyung shrugs. He gets the sentiment but he’s still not sure of what clicked between the two. _For the second time_.

 

Seokjin thinks for a moment. “Okay look at it this way. People change, right?” Taehyung nods. “Well, now imagine that people are like puzzle pieces whose shapes are constantly shifting and morphing. When you date someone, you try to make their edges fit into your own walls. It might work for some, it might not for others; some might take a while to fit together even though it’s clear that they’re meant to be, right from the start. Maybe you try to fit with someone, only to realise you were meant to be with them once both of you had changed enough to complement each other.”

 

Taehyung looks at him. “And… that’s what happened between you two?” he asks, furrowing his brows.

 

“For the most part, yes,” Seokjin states. “We were different back then, _things_ were different. There were mistakes made on both our parts and we were too naïve and stubborn to acknowledge it then.”

 

Taehyung waits.

 

“But that’s why it was so important to get some distance from each other, you see. It gave both of us enough time and room to grow and move back to each other in a way that truly fit this time,” The eldest shrugs. “Everyone changes, Tae. Jiminnie, Hobi, our friends, you— no one’s immune to change, not even your stubborn exes whose pig-headedness is unbeatable.”

 

The other chuckle softly at that and Hoseok pipes up with something insightful too, but Taehyung isn’t listening anymore. Seokjin’s words play over and over in his head, brain coming up with the fuzzy details of a tentative plan.

 

Everybody changes. _Everybody_.

 

Even his exes.

 

Seokjin and Namjoon got back together, despite having gone through a terribly rough patch; in fact, they look like they’re well on the way to the same road that Yoongi and Jimin are heading down. All this after having been stuck as ‘exes’ for years.

 

Seokjin said even pig-headed exes change and evolve, which means any of his _twenty_ exes could’ve evolved enough to be compatible with him now. He blinks in the sudden shock of this realisation.

 

“—Tae? Kim  _Taehyung_ ,” Yoongi snaps his fingers in front of him.

 

“Yeah! Yeah, hey sorry, what?”

 

The producer gives him a weird look before holding out a doughnut to him. “We got back with the food and you were just staring off into space.”

 

He grins, brilliant flashes of a plan forming in his head. “Oh no, nothing, I was just thinking.”

 

Namjoon whistles, impressed. Looks like him and Yoongi made up, after all. “Unprecedented behaviour, but I like this new approach, Tae, keep at it.”

 

He glares at him and they all laugh, settling back down cheerfully, one of them extra bubbly. For the first time since reading that damn article, he’s feeling an actual ray of hope.

 

Now, he just needs to convince his Casanova of a neighbour to help him out.

 

This should be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: I'm literally yoonseok trash but I wrote this waaaaaay back when I didn't ship them so I'm making them best friends now fITE ME (ง •̀_•́)ง  
> aaaaanyway, I'll be updating every Sunday now (hopefully) and the next one is going to have plenty of taekook action so I hope you enjoy that :)
> 
> [here's](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com) my Tumblr and I love making new friends and talking about EVERYthing so please drop by to say hi! or yell with me about us getting blonde!jin again bc wow what a vision I cried


	4. Kim Taehyung & The Alliance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why? Why would someone do _math_?” He asks himself under his breath, so adorably confused.
> 
> He holds the door open for the confused younger man, smiling at his perplexed expression. “Maybe I like it.”
> 
> Jungkook stares at him, betrayed. “No one likes math,” he whispers dramatically, for effect.
> 
> “Albert Einstein did,” Taehyung points out. 
> 
> “Albert Einstein was old and probably never got laid.”
> 
> “Actually, he had two kids from two separate wives, so—”
> 
> “Ugh, shut up!” Jungkook growls, punching the elevator button in comic frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in today's episode of raya forgets to focus on things other than taekook banter, we bring you this late update.  
> I literally had so much planned for this chapter and all I did was make them banter pls help me  
>  **DISCLAIMER:** tae calls kook a 'coconut' several times in this chapter but it's just a joke so pls no h8!!! it's just for laughs!! thank you :)

The most critical thing, Taehyung tells himself, is to remain polite. No matter how many oral sex offers are made, no matter how much his patience is tried— he just needs to stay calm, polite and civil. He can do that. (It’s one of the only lessons his mother’s taught him that actually stuck.) Be nice. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.

 

Besides, he spent all of yesterday after getting back from Wings and today morning preparing a strategy for this. It’ll go great. All according to plan. He hopes.

 

Pushing himself to put on his brightest smile, he raps twice on 6A’s door. Almost instantly, there’s the sound of someone stumbling, followed by the very distinct thump of human feet bumping hard into something metal. He winces in empathy, that must’ve hurt. Before he can try and guess the origin of the clang, however, his neighbour’s voice rings out. “Hello, 6C!” Jungkook greets cheerily, presumably having seen him through the eyehole because his words are muffled by the still-shut door between them. “Here about that thank-you blowjob already?”

 

 _Polite_ , Taehyung reminds himself, gritting his teeth. He must remain polite. “Uh, haha, that’s uh— a good one, Jungkook, good joke!” he tries unconvincingly.

 

There’s a suspicious sort of silence after that. “…who are you and what have you done to my Taeyangie?”

 

“Tae _hyung_ , I’m Tae _hyung_! Jesus, do you really have the memory of a goldfi— ahem,” he fumbles. That wasn’t very polite. _Shit_. “Um. I mean, it’s just, we went over this last time, you know an—”

 

“Yeah yeah, of course, don’t sweat it,” comes the voice. “I was only testing to see if you were a CIA clone spying on me and shit. And by getting all worked up over the tiiiiiny issue that is your name, you’ve proved that you are, indeed, my lovely neighbour! Now I can trust you again, isn’t that great?”

 

Taehyung bristles, muttering under his breath. “My name is not a ‘tiny issue’, coconut cut.”

 

“Hey, I heard that!” Jungkook retorts, tone actually sounding….offended for the first time. Taehyung grins in surprise. “I’ll have you know my hairdresser thinks I look great in this style, okay, it is not a ‘ _coconut cut_ ’.”

 

Wow, it is fun being under his skin, for a change. Deciding to prolong this unexpected taste of victory, Taehyung just hums noncommittally and Jungkook snarls. “Okay fine, so the hair always ends up looking somewhat like I asked to be a walking coconut in a school play, but I totally pull it off, alright?”

 

“Oh yeah, definitely. One hundred percent.” He is _loving_ this.

 

Jungkook hisses and Taehyung suppresses his snort. Jackpot. “Just tell me what you want so I can turn you down and you can go away with your tail between your legs,” the neighbour grunts. “I’ve got things to do.”

 

“You spent the whole day today watching TV, strumming your guitar and now suddenly you have work?”

 

“Yeah, I work, okay?”

 

Taehyung checks his watch. “Starting eight in the night?”

 

“I have. A job.”

 

“Again— _at eight in the night_?”

 

“It’s a work-from-home thing!”

 

“Is that why you’re naked behind this door?”

 

Silence.

 

Taehyung waits.

 

“…I’m not naked.”

 

“Oh great, then you can open the door and we can talk out here,” he replies nonchalantly.

 

“Ugh, fine!” the other groans. “I’m naked and there’s someone in my bed, alright? Asleep and I’d like to keep that way, so please take your loud mouth some place else, thanks and bye. I don’t need Jamie waking up before I’ve figured out a solid escape plan.”

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes. He can’t believe he’s about to do this. Again. He really thought he was done helping fuckboys escape their one-night stands after those terrible years in college. “What if I helped you?” he asks tiredly.

 

“Say what now.”

 

“Just— just put some damn pants on and get out here for a second, jeez dude.”

 

There’s another couple of moments of silence before he hears the reluctant thud of footsteps receding into the apartment. Waiting patiently (and praying that the douchebag will return), Taehyung goes over his plan once again. This should work.

 

This better work.

 

He’s shaken out of his thoughts when the door opens, a tiny sliver to allow Jungkook’s face to peer out, features twisted into theatrical suspicion. “What do you desire from me, evil dragon?”

 

Taehyung stares flatly. “Something very simple,” he says, giving in after a two-minute long stare-off. “And, in return, I’ll get rid of all your booty calls and let you hide out in my apartment till they leave.”

 

Jungkook’s face transforms instantly and the door opens entirely. “You’d do that?” he asks excitedly.

 

Oh wow. Taehyung firmly fixes his eyes on the other’s, determined to not let them slide down to what he’s sure is a six-pack. (But really, he’s gotta say— wow.) “ _Only_ if you help me with something.” _Focus, Tae, don’t look down_.

 

The other doesn’t seem too sure about it when he hears the shady response but Taehyung’s quiet desperation must show on his face because the guy nods, shaking his hand with a quick ‘deal’.

 

Or maybe it was the sound of someone moving around in his apartment that rushed him into agreeing, Taehyung isn’t sure.

 

Either way, the man is grabbing Taehyung’s keys and sprinting into the latter’s home. Presumably to find something to put on over his Iron-Man boxers.

 

He sighs, reminding himself of what exactly is at stake here.

 

_This better work._

 

 

“So what do you need from me?” Jungkook asks as he makes himself comfortable at the other’s dining table. He’s dressed comfortably in Taehyung’s slacks and hoodie, looking cuter than Taehyung himself in his outfit. Talk about unfairness.

 

Not that he’s petty or anything, but he doesn’t bat an eyelid as he shoves the nuisance’s feet off the table before bustling around the kitchen. “Nothing too fancy, really. I just need you to find some people for me. People… from my past.”

 

When he turns around to the table, Jungkook is suspiciously squinting at him. “Were you a part of a gang.”

 

“Do I want to know how you reached that conclusion?”

 

Jungkook waves his hand carelessly. “Personal experience, nothing weird.”

 

Taehyung sighs. “To be on the safe side, I’m not even going to ask.”

 

“Good call,” Jungkook nods. “Anyway, who do you need me to hunt down?”

 

Ah. Alrighty, then. Time to get out with it. He tries not to look flustered.

 

“Just some, um, exes of mine,” he tries, casually. “I remembered you said you come from a long line of cops and then you found that video of m— look, I don’t know, I think one of my ex-partners might be— you know— The One.”

 

“You think one of your exes might be The One.” The intonation is completely flat but Taehyung can’t help the flush that rises to his cheeks.

 

He spins around evasively, opening the refrigerator. “Stop judging me, you coconut.”

 

“I literally said that in the flattest tone I could!”

 

Taehyung looks up at him over the door and glares. “ _Exactly_.”

 

Jungkook laughs. “So why this sudden determination?” he asks, curling his feet up on the chair. Taehyung figures he’ll have to grant him that much. “Normal people don’t get a change of heart and go chasing after relationships that didn’t work out.”

 

Taehyung takes out a dish and puts in the microwave, letting the door shut softly behind him. “In case you didn’t already know, I’m not very ‘normal’. Besides, some people would call that perseverance, ‘optimism’!”

 

“Yeah? Well, I call it crazy.” His neighbour retorts, rubbing his hands in anticipation as Taehyung brings the warmed up lasagna to the table. “But, since you _are_ bribing me with food, I will deign to help you.”

 

He rolls his eyes, handing him a plate and fork. “Aren’t you just the kindest.”

 

Jungkook just shrugs, much more interested in scooping lasagna onto his plate excitedly. It’s actually a little cute, Taehyung grins to himself. The other man swallows one huge bite and before Taehyung can even put his fork to his lips, he’s letting out a deafening yell, jumping out of his chair.

 

“ _What the fuck is that_?” Jungkook spits out, grabbing a water bottle and chugging it to get rid of the lingering taste.

 

Taehyung watches him in confusion. “It’s lasagna, why? Haven’t you had it before?”

 

Jungkook stares at him incredulously. “ _Lasagna?_ ” he enunciates carefully. “Lasagna, I’ve eaten. Not the shit from Satan’s asshole that you just offered me!”

 

“It’s not that bad, dude, come on. Jiminnie always tells me I’m a decent cook.”

 

“You mean, voluntarily? He says that without you pointing a gun at his head?”

 

“Hey!” That’s actually mean. “Take that back, Jimin wouldn't lie to me.”

 

His neighbour is still chugging the bottle of water, only now he’s simultaneously also throwing him a nasty glare that says ‘think again, asshole’.

 

“Well, sorry for not knowing I have a regular Gordon Ramsay on my hands, jeez!” he huffs. To think he spent so much time making this especially for this asshole. What a waste.

 

Jungkook has now finished downing the water and is staring in disgust at the rest of the offensive dish, sitting innocuously in the container. Taehyung slowly inches it towards his chest protectively. Just because Coconut Cut didn’t like it doesn’t mean he’s going to let him murder the rest of his creation.

 

Dragging a hand down his face, Jungkook sits back down patiently. “Taehyung.” Said man perks up at the correct use of his name for the first time. “Have you ever actually eaten any of your… tongue-shrivelling dishes?”

 

He shakes his head, ignoring the jibe. “Nope. I barely ever get time to sit around and cook for myself, so I usually end up ordering or heading to Jimin’s. On the rare occasions that I do cook, Jimin insists it’s too good and he wants to keep all of it.”

 

Jungkook raises his eyebrows. “And that’s never struck you as odd? Him never letting you eat your stuff?”

 

“He’s a really supportive brother, okay!” Taehung huffs defensively.

 

“Alright, that’s enough, I’m done with this,” he groans, getting up. Taehyung stares at him with suddenly rising panic. Shit. Was his food really that bad? Fuck, is Jungkook bailing out because of his newly revealed terrible culinary skills? Shit, shit, shit, he really needs the guy’s help, he can’t just _leave_ —

 

“Grab your wallet,” Jungkook interrupts his train(wreck) of thought. “We’re going grocery shopping.”

 

 

 

-*-*-*-*-*

 

 

 

“Alright,” he announces as they’re walking down the aisles of the closest supermarket. “Three things. One, I’m going to need a list of all of these guys. Like, every detail you can think of that might help track them down. Two, you need to be prepared to do everything I say if you want to get one of these guys back in your bed, ‘kay?”

 

When he doesn’t continue after that, Taehyung prompts him with a hard nudge.

 

Unfortunately, muscle pig that he is, Jungkook barely even notices. “Three, we need to hurry up if we’re going to find all these ingredients before they start closing up for the night.” Taehyung shoots him a dirty glance. “Come on, buddy, no time to waste. Chop chop.”

 

With a huff, Taehyung grabs a trolley and they set off, looking for everything on Jungkook’s list. ( _“Why do we need chocolate syrup?” “Because I’m not making you pancakes only to watch you eat them without chocolate sauce like some sort of uncultured savage. Now shut up and go grab a pack of Cola.”_ )

 

“You know,” Taehyung says breezily once they’re midway through their shopping. “I actually already have a list like that. Last known phone numbers, addresses, email id’s—”

 

“ _Email id’s_?” Jungkook questions. “Jesus, were you fucking your boss?”

 

Taehyung wisely decides to keep his mouth shut about Jinyoung from the previous morning, instead passing said list to the other man. “I prioritised it, so please start looking from the top. I’ll go as low as Number 16 but don’t even think of sending me to Gunther unless there is literally no one you can find.”

 

Jungkook hums and glances at the list. Without looking, he throws a packet of granola bars into their trolley. “Dude, you literally have someone called Lucifer on your list.”

 

“Hey, no judging! Trust me when I say the name was worth it. Luke was _the_ best sex of my life.”

 

“You haven’t had sex with me yet,” Jungkook winks, abruptly stopping the trolley in the middle of an empty aisle, smiling disarmingly at his neighbour.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

Taehyung breezes past him with a complacent smile. “Maybe not, but I have had sex with other overly confident, struggling musicians so I think I’m good.”

 

“How do you know I’m a struggling musician?”

 

Taehyung whirls around, dropping a bag of chocolate wafers into the trolley and heading towards the counter. “You strum your guitar all day long, I’ve never heard you sing so chances are your voice sucks and you want to be a guitarist but the band isn’t doing too well which is why you’re going to make me pay for all this shopping.”

 

Jungkook suppresses a loud snort, apparently finding his statements funny. “Don’t try to guilt trip me about that last one, I know you’re loaded as fuck.”

 

The other laughs and shakes his head before taking out his card to hand over to the cashier. Once all their groceries are bagged up, they each grab a packet and begin the short walk home. Jungkook continues looking through the list, mumbling sarcastic comments about each one, only to suddenly stop dead in his tracks when he reaches the top.

 

Taehyung, who has unfortunately been walking right behind him, bumps straight into the guy. Before he can swear at the idiot, though, Jungkook is turning around and shoving the list in his face. “Eric Nam? _The_ Eric Nam?”

 

He scratches his head sheepishly. “We had the same circle of friends in high school,” he says, explaining how he knows the CEO of NamInc. “He was my first,” Taehyung whispers conspiratorially.

 

“I don’t need unnecessary information to find him,” Jungkook whispers back sarcastically. Taehyung pouts. “No on a serious note, it’s going to take a while to find him, Tae. Rich people are good at maintaining their privacy. And your listed phone number is years old now. We might have to try the others while I crack his privacy.”

 

Taehyung shrugs. No disappointment there but he genuinely hopes Jungkook can make it happen as soon as possible. Eric was a damn angel. The one that got away, if you ask him.

 

The building is still a block away and for the first time in three days, Taehyung is bitten by the urge to talk of something apart from his ex-lovers. It’s getting a little monotonous now. He turns his head to look at Jungkook.

 

“Tell me about yourself,” he demands suddenly.

 

“No.”

 

“Jungkook, I bared my all for you.”

 

“Jesus Christ,” the guy laughs. “Don’t say it like that, kitten.”

 

“Gross,” Taehyung wrinkles his nose. “Seriously, you know what I mean. Tell me as much about you as you can in the next three minutes. Go.”

 

Jungkook shakes his head, fondly exasperated. “Okay. I was born in Busan and I stayed there for about three years before my family moved to the West Coast. I’ve been here, what, twenty years now? Yeah, twenty, so—”

 

Wait, what?

 

“Wait, what?” Taehyung stops short this time. At this rate, they won’t make it back to their place till the next morning. “You’re… twenty three years old?” he asks, stunned. “Y—you brat, oh my god, you’re two whole years younger than me! Shit, you’re a baby.”

 

Jungkook stares at him flatly. “Yes, Taehyung. I am, indeed, a baby simply because you and I have a two-year age difference. You are correct.”

 

Taehyung bristles. “You should be calling me hyung!”

 

At that, Jungkook outright laughs. “We live in America, Tae, I’m not calling you that. At least, not till you act like one.”

 

He wants to object but the other man is barrelling on, continuing about his family life. Taehyung learns that he has a standard, cutesy Hallmark-perfect family. Detective dad, EMT mom and an older sister who’s a therapist, along with a college graduate younger brother. “They live on the other side of the city but we all tend to meet up once a month at the parents’ home for sure.”

 

Taehyung stares at that, throat suddenly dry. “Wow… that’s um— that’s great, Jungkook.”

 

The other man gives him a suspicious glance. “What?” he asks defensively.

 

He holds his hands up in a gesture of peace. “Nothing, nothing. It’s just, my family doesn’t do that a lot. Or at all. So uh— yeah.” Jungkook waits patiently, somehow understanding there’s more to come. Taehyung sighs. “Dad and Mom got divorced when I was a kid. Things weren’t— _aren’t_ — great between them and back then, she got custody since Dad was busy setting up his company. Eventually, she realised I share the same knack for numbers so I got pushed up a couple of grades and into finance once I graduated.”

 

“Wh—you, you’ve been doing maths your whole life?” Jungkook sputters. “Like primary school, middle school, high school, college and now, _as a job_?”

 

Taehyung laughs. “Weirdly enough, finance pays the bills.”

 

Jungkook still doesn’t seem to accept it because he’s still frowning when they reach the doors of their apartment complex. “Why? Why would someone do _math_?” He asks himself under his breath, so adorably confused.

 

He holds the door open for the confused younger man, smiling at his perplexed expression. “Maybe I like it.”

 

Jungkook stares at him, betrayed. “No one likes math,” he whispers dramatically, for effect.

 

“Albert Einstein did,” Taehyung points out.

 

“Albert Einstein was old and probably never got laid.”

 

“Actually, he had two kids from two separate wives, so—”

 

“Ugh, shut up!” Jungkook growls, punching the elevator button in comic frustration. Taehyung is quite enjoying this little outburst. “I can’t believe I’m about to make pancakes for someone who likes _math_.”

 

Taehyung shoves him as they reach his apartment, unlocking it and stepping in. “Stop saying it like I just announced I torture puppies for fun,” he rolls his eyes, setting the ingredients out on the countertop. “It’s just a thing I have to do to live comfortably.”

 

Jungkook ignores him, rolling up the sleeves of the hoodie and hip checking the other boy till he sits down, watching him cook safely from a distance. He starts making their meal, one eye trained on the elder to ensure he stays away.

 

“Why are you making pancakes for dinner, anyway?” Taehyung asks, swinging his legs. “Aren’t they supposed to be a breakfast food?”

 

“No one asked you, Sharon, shut up.”

 

“Rude,” Taehyung huffs, watching as the younger expertly flips the pancake. “Also, Mr. Grumpy, would you mind hurrying up so we can get back to the urgent matter at hand? I need to turn in early, Jimin wants to go over my best man speech first thing tomorrow morning.”

 

Jungkook hums, distractedly handing him the plate once it’s done. Surprisingly, it looks pretty good. 

 

It’s only when Taehyung is halfway through the divine deliciousness that the other suddenly turns to point his spatula at him. “Did you just say ‘best man speech’?” Jungkook squawks.

 

Mouth stuffed full, Taehyung nods.

 

Jungkook groans, frustratedly churning out two more pancakes before grumbling about how good a lay his brother would have been. Taehyung beams. “Thanks, I’ll be sure to pass that on to Jiminnie. Unless Yoongi hyung is around. In which case he will find you and feed you to their dog.”

 

“Possessive fiance?”

 

Taehyung makes a ‘moderate’-ish motion with his hands. “Wouldn’t call it possessive, really. Just— a tad protective. Park Jimin has him wrapped around his tiny finger.”

 

“Wait a second. ”

 

Taehyung lets out a questioning noise, still too focused on his food to look up.

 

“Isn’t your family name Kim? Why is your hot mochi brother called Park?” Jungkook asks, switching the stove off and settling down with his own plate.

 

He clears his throat. “Oh yeah, about that. Um, Jiminnie’s more of an adopted brother? He lost his aunt and uncle in a car crash and Mom decided to formally adopt him since he had no other family. He was a good angelic kid, too, so I guess she thought she’d catch two birds with one stone— find her kid a friend-slash-brother and get an actual son with good, obedient behaviour who she could be proud of. Brilliant, right?”

 

Jungkook looks at him uncomfortably and Taehyung facepalms mentally. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… unload like that.”

 

“It’s cool,” he beams. “Besides this way, I can remind you that I’ve seen you take on the sleazeball from the fourth floor without any hesitation and deliver every single line of Brooklyn Nine Nine perfectly. If you can do those two things you’re, like, set for life, dude.”

 

Taehyung feels a smile bubble up at that. He hadn't realised Jungkook had even noticed all that. It’s… heart-warming, in a way.

 

“Not to mention the fact that can cook actual poison without having ever taken a Toxicology course, so— _ow, ow,_ Tae, stop!”

 

Taehyung does stop kicking him, only to resume moments later when the idiot declares his respect for Taehyung’s kitten play kink with a ridiculously straight face.

 

“You’re not going to make these next few weeks easy, are you?” he asks, a few hours later when they’re exchanging numbers, Jungkook getting ready to head back to his place.

 

Jungkook grins. “Not a chance.”

 

Somehow, when he’s lying in bed later that night, Taehyung doesn’t think he'll mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo let me know how you liked this update ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
> 
> [Tumblr](fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com) so we can be friends and talk about jin fancams :D  
> (putting in the disclaimer again- tae calls kook a 'coconut' but like I said, it's just a joke so no getting mad, thank you!)


	5. Kim Taehyung & The Tragic Backstory.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck you and fuck your fiancé and fuck your wedding!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M TWO WEEKS LATE JFC I'M SO SORRY  
> my internship has been killing me I swear also I started working at a playschool!!!!  
> kay sorry, back to this- I didn't work on this chapter a lot and unsurprisingly, I don't like it one bit. it's honestly a pretty shit chapter and I was going to bring Adam's interaction in this one itself but I figured I'd make up for this crappy chapter by making the next one even funnier and better sooooooo  
> I promise the upcoming chapter will be here soon and definitely won't bore as much as this one!!!

“Fuck you and fuck your fiancé and fuck your wedding!”

 

Yoongi sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before swiftly ducking as a notebook flies past his head. “If Joohyeon was here, she’d have buried you alive for swearing that much.” He stoops to pick the book up, wearily handing it to Jimin.

 

Taehyung laughs mirthlessly. “You think Mum would have let me live to get to the point where I swear? When there are a thousand other things she could pulverise me for? You’re cute.”

 

“Oh come on, Tae, she wouldn’t,” Jimin intervenes, running a hand through his brother’s hair. “She’s hard on you, but it’s only because she loves you.”

 

He throws his best friend a scornful look. “Does living with Yoongi hyung not even remotely affect y— how have you gotten _worse_ at lying?”

 

“Watch it, brat, I have a delicate heart.”

 

Taehyung scoffs. “Distinctly remember you proclaiming to all of Boston that you don’t have a heart from my rooftop last winter, but okay, liar, whatever helps you sleep.”

 

Jimin hurriedly steps in before the two start bickering again. He’s been an unfortunate spectator (and moderator) on too many of those occasions, and there is no way he’s letting them get sucked into that when they all need to get cracking on their speeches.

 

“Can we please just— let’s just try and at least come up with a basic outline of what we want to say, yeah? Only a couple of points that you think you’d like to say, not even a rough draft. _Please_.” When there doesn’t seem to be any sign of them winding down, he softens his eyes. “For me?” The two sigh and settle back down on their couches, typing half-heartedly. Jimin hides a sneaky smile, pecking the top of both their heads before curling up with his own draft.

 

Unfortunately, Taehyung only lasts three minutes and thirty three seconds before giving up on his charade of concentrating. However, to his credit, he then just watches docilely as the other two work, instead of throwing a fit about how tough his job is.

 

After only a few frustrating minutes of observing a diligent Jimin, he turns to Yoongi.

 

 _Bingo_.

 

The other has also given up on his speech and is now messing around on a familiar website. Taehyung grins. _Launch attack_. “Jiminiiiiiiiie, Yoongi hyung’s scouting around on Soundcloud instead of working!”

 

The elder brother throws up his hands and snaps his notebook shut. “We are not in kindergarten anymore, Tae, stop it.”

 

Yoongi loses his guilty expression right away, instead turning to face the youngest with a maddeningly smug grin. “That’s right, Taehyung, _stop_ it.”

 

Jimin sends his fiancé a withering glare, instantly sending Yoongi rushing back to hide behind his laptop. “And you, sir, better have a draft ready by dinner tonight or you can be the one to go cake-tasting with Joon and Jin hyung tomorrow.”

 

There’s a beat of tense silence as Yoongi stares at him in horror. “Yo—you can’t do that to me!”

 

Jimin arches an eyebrow. Taehyung winces. He should not have said that.

 

Realising his mistake in another flash of horror, Yoongi stutters and fumbles to get his protests out. “I mean, you can, you totally can. What I’d meant to say was— it’s just…hanging out with Joon and Jin right now is, um—”

 

“Revolting?” Taehyung offers helpfully. “Incredibly close to non-consensual voyeurism? The highest degree of masochism?”

 

“Yes!” the elder exclaims gratefully. “Yes, to all of that. _God_ , Jimin, please, I’ll work on the speech right now, I swear. Don’t make me go cake-tasting with the lovebirds, shit.”

 

“How the tables have turned,” Taehyung mutters ironically, remembering a similar time way back in university when people were terrified at the thought of being left alone with a newly dating Yoongi and Jimin.

 

Jimin smiles serenely at his fiancé. “Don’t start none, won’t be none. Draft by dinner or you can kiss your innocence goodbye.”

 

As his brother’s fiancé gets cracking, Taehyung wisely decides that this is, perhaps, not the best time to rile Jimin up any further. Slowly slinking back onto his couch, he starts thinking about his speech again.

 

Best man’s speech. Hmph. Easy for Jimin to say ‘ _just write out some points, Taetae!_ ’.

 

Does he even know how difficult it is to pen a best man’s speech? He has to make sure to be adorable (so he can gain the elderly’s affection), keep it sophisticated (so that Yoongi’s parents smile…or do whatever it is that they do to express happiness), sprinkle the speech with genuine wit (so the guests laugh and he doesn’t feel like a total noob) and also be emotional at the same time (but not _too_ emotional because he has to leave it to the couple to make everybody cry with their speeches).

 

He sighs. It’s like walking a tightrope. With all these expectations placed on him, he doesn’t even know why he’s the one giving this speech when Jimin has a thousand other friends who can spout eloquent, cheesy bullshit every time they open their mouths.

 

Saying so only gets him two hard cushions to the face and he groans at the couple. “Hyung, you don’t think I’m capable of saying even ‘hello’ without embarrassing myself! Why do _you_ want me to do this?”

 

Yoongi smiles beatifically. “If your speech sucks, mine’s going to shine in comparison. More cookie points for me, buddy.” He gets his cushion back in the face for that and Taehyung glares at him.

 

“I was going to ask you to help me with writing this, but now you’ve lost your chance,” he says, sticking his tongue out. Yoongi just shrugs, turning back to his speech.

 

Jimin sighs. “Tae, you don’t want his stuff anyway.”

 

Yoongi whirls around, aghast. “Jimin-ah, I’m a _producer_. I write lyrics for a living!”

 

He smiles sweetly. “I don’t think I want my brother to get help from the guy who actually put the lyrics ‘your skin is like a fresh cucumber’ in his artist’s song. But hey, you’re real cute for hoping, babe.”

 

Yoongi sputters and Taehyung nods sagely. “You know what, you’re right. I don’t think I’m quite ready to scandalise Halmeoni with his Kama Sutra-like flow just yet.”

 

“Okay, enough!” The two brothers giggle madly as Yoongi gathers his things to migrate to the spare room, grumbling under his breath in Korean. “Goddamn brats, can't let a man _live_.”

 

“You do know that we’re also Korean and understand everything you’re bitching at us, right?”

 

The elder only flips them off viciously and shuffles away, leaving the two trembling with laughter. “No, really though, Jiminnie. Hyung actually used to forget sometimes that there’s other people who speak the same language when I worked at Wings— you should’ve seen the number of times he’d get surprised when I cut him off in the middle of growling and muttering at the rookie artists.” Taehyung pauses to snicker. “Not that they couldn’t guess the gist anyway.”

 

Speaking of. Jimin sneaks a glance at his brother. “You know, TaeTae, I was thinking…”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Now that you don’t have a job again…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

All the dallying catches his attention and Taehyung suspiciously looks up to see his brother shrugging casually. _Too_ casually. He narrows his eyes. “Maybe you could go back to Wings for a bit.”

 

“Oh my god, Jimin, _again_? We’ve been over this!”

 

The shorter man throws up his hands in frustration. “Why not, though? You keep saying you won’t go back, but I just don’t get why. There’s always an open position for you there, Yoongi and Joon will pay you a bomb _and_ you’ll get to hang out with your friends whenever you want!”

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes and actually gets back to his speech this time, clicking away. “Let it go, Jiminnie, I don’t want to work there, alright?”

 

“Okay, fine,” he says huffily. “I’ll leave this alone just as soon as you tell me why you won’t go back.”

 

Taehyung types out a couple of sentences, staunchly ignoring the other. That doesn’t stop Jimin, though.

 

“You make finance your bitch in every single company, so I really don’t get what’s so terrible about Wings! I mean, you loved working there your first couple of days and you were always so happy when you came ba—”

 

“Yeah, you know why?” He growls, spinning around to finally face the other. Jimin stops abruptly, stricken at the fierce look on his brother’s face. “It was because I loved seeing the enthusiasm and the passion that shone on every artist’s face. Two things I have never, literally _never_ , felt about my own job.”

 

Jimin stares, open-mouthed.

 

Taehyung can feel his frustration beginning to pour over but it’s too late to contain it now and with a burst of anger, Taehyung continues talking in furious, low tones. “I hadn’t even finished graduation when Mom forced me into a contract with NolCorp, Jimin. I’ve been skipping around from MNC to MNC for the past four years, simply because if I don’t crunch numbers and mint money to look reputable in her books, mother dearest might actually set me on fire with just her _words_.”

 

He knows it’s not really fair, snapping at Jimin like this when all his brother has ever done is support him, but he can’t help the anger that’s bubbling under his skin. Taehyung has spent so long in the clutches of his mom’s wishes, it’s too late to even think of backing out now to find his own feet.

 

Every time she would introduce him to a company’s CEO and send him a warning look to comply and impress and flatter, Taehyung would tell himself— ‘ _this time I’ll do it; I’ll tell her I’ve had enough of these games and I’ll walk out on this dinner and go back to the stage; this time I won’t_ obey’.

 

And every single time, he’d chicken out and go exactly where she pointed.

 

And now? Taehyung has become the exact idiot that ten-year old him had felt pity for, looking at all those miserable men working in his dad’s office. He rubs at his eyes, tired.

 

The outburst must have been fairly loud because when Taehyung looks up next, he sees Yoongi standing in the doorway, expression pained. The elder begins stepping forward to comfort the youngest, mouth already forming words, but Taehyung holds up a hand quietly to stop him, anger slowly draining.

 

“I just… Wings was so full of hope and cheer and passionate energy about what everyone was doing,” he says softly, remembering the spark that used to light up every artist. “They might have been broke newbies, with nothing to their name except a little talent, but they were the happiest people I ever saw. And then there was me. Sitting at a desk, doing fucking _finance_.” An ironic laugh.

 

An excruciating minute passes by before Jimin treads over to him, carefully engulfing him in a hug. “I’m sorry, Tae,” he whispers, massaging the back of his brother’s neck. “I should’ve realised, I’m really, really sorry.”

Taehyung blinks away the burning sensation in his eyes, sluggishly returning the embrace. He wants to soothe Jimin right back, tell him it’s okay, really, but he doesn’t think he’s capable of doing that at the moment. He doesn’t resent his brother for being able to pursue his ideal profession _with_ their mother’s support (which, of _course_ she’d approved, he’s a fucking nurse), but… it still stings the slightest bit. Taehyung doesn’t think Jimin understands what he would give to get even half that amount of approval from his mother.

 

Shelving the negative thoughts, he smiles a little and pulls away. “It’s fine, whatever. Besides, it would've sucked to work under Yoongi hyung again,” he teases half-heartedly, feeling only slightly vulnerable when the latter does nothing but look at him knowingly.

 

Yoongi flops down next to the brothers and the three of them sit in silence for a while, (all unsure of what to say) before it gets a little too stifling for Taehyung. After some (a lot) more reassurances that he is, indeed, alright and doesn’t need any more coddling, Taehyung decides to head out and let the other two work on their stuff. He makes Yoongi promise to tell him when he’s selecting the track-list, kisses Holly goodbye and hugs the couple quickly before slinging his backpack on and making for the door.

 

“Tae, wait, one sec.”

 

He pauses, halfway out already. “What’s up?”

 

Jimin gives him something that looks a little like a smile. “Don’t worry about the speech too much, okay? I know you’re going to come up with some cheesy, dandy material that’s utter bullshit.”

 

Taehyung barks out a laugh. “Hate to break it to you, dude, but that’s definitely not helping.”

 

His brother rolls his eyes, continuing. “I know you’re going to write utter nonsense about me and Yoongi being some sort of dynamic volcano that inspires love in everyone around us and fake-poetic stuff like that. Stuff that’s going to satisfy _her_.” Taehyung looks away, throat closing up. Too soon, god damn it, Jimin. “But I’m your best friend, which means I know you best. And I also know for a fact that two minutes before you get up to deliver it, your mind will trash that crap and you’re going blow all our minds with some spontaneous and heart-wrenchingly good shit you came up with on the spot.” He places a comforting hand on Taehyung’s shoulder. “So don’t worry about it, okay?”

 

Usually, this is where Taehyung would drop his act of fooling around and sober up to tell his brother how much he appreciates that and loves him. But the events of the past half an hour still rankle about in him, too fresh to soothe just yet and he puts on a fake smile. Clutching his heart dramatically, he gasps out, “You’ve finally… inspired me, brother. I see the clouds parting— my path reveals itself to me!”

 

Jimin allows himself only a single second to smile disappointedly before shoving the other boy. “If that’s the kind of acting I’ll have to sit through for your next play, there’s no way I’m coming, Tae. Convey my sincerest apologies to Minjae for not attending his directorial debut.”

 

Taehyung kicks at him and Jimin winces. The brat kicks like a damn footballer. “Who said you’re invited, huh? Maybe I’ll call someone else who’ll actually appreciate my invitation and the fine acting skills they’ll get to witness.”

 

“Oh yeah? Like who, exactly?” Jimin asks, leaning against the doorframe. “Joon and Jin hyung can’t keep their hands off each other, they’d drive half the audience away. And if you ask Hobi hyung, Yoongi’s going to follow which means _I_ tag along,” he finishes cockily. “Who else are you going to invite? The furry ex-boss? Holly? Your blowjob buddy from across the hall?”

 

At the last option, Taehyung actually pauses, neatly side-stepping the bit about ‘blowjob buddies’. On the one hand, Jungkook doesn’t strike him as the kind of guy who’d grasp the brilliance of theatre, especially when Taehyung is involved. But if there’s anything the past twenty four hours have taught him, it’s that his neighbour is all kinds of surprising.

 

Taehyung shrugs. Maybe he’ll think about inviting Jungkook to his next show then.

 

“No, no, no,” Jimin stares at him, shell-shocked. “That’s your ‘I’m-actually-considering-this-option’ face. Kim Taehyung, you are not inviting your hot horny neighbour to your next play instead of me.”

 

He grins. “I don’t know, Jiminnie. Guy’s begun to grow on me.”

 

With a cheeky wink, he waves to a staggered Jimin before turning around and making his way back.

 

 

 

Taehyung decides to walk the few blocks down to his place. The late afternoon air is pleasant and it’ll be enough time to at least tug at the giant mess of thoughts he has about his mother. Wincing, he reminds himself it isn’t going to be the end of the world if she doesn’t like his speech. In fact, he should be more alarmed about what he’s going to do jin the event she miraculously doesn’t find it subpar.

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes at himself. Slightly negative way but really, for all of Jimin’s insistence, it isn’t easy to remember the woman cares about him when she’s always announcing his uselessness to everyone.

 

Sighing, Taehyung walks in through the front doors of his building, trying not to focus on the fact that if he doesn’t bring a date to Jimin’s wedding, things are going to get much worse for him. Taehyung isn’t a particularly positive person, but at the moment, the best he can do is hope Jungkook finds someone as soon as possible.

 

He’s just entering the elevator when his phone pings with loud notifications. Swiping down on his screen, he lets out an annoyed laugh. Speak of the devil.

 

**_4 New Messages from_ Adequately Confident Non-Struggling Musician**

 

A reluctant smile tugs at his lips. This is what he gets for letting Jungkook pick his own contact name. Taehyung clicks on the notification and is blatantly unsurprised at the greeting that pops up.

 

 **Adequately Confident Non-Struggling Musician** : what’s up kitten (^._.^)(^._.^)(^._.^)

 

 **Adequately Confident Non-Struggling Musician** : good news for you, i found one of ya ex-hoes ;) ;)

 

Holy shit, that was quick. Taehyung lets out a stunned little laugh, mood instantly soaring as he reaches his floor.

 

 **Adequately Confident Non-Struggling Musician** : number 14, Adam Garrett

 

 **Adequately Confident Non-Struggling Musician** : i know it’s probably a little too low on your list, but the guy still lives in Boston and i’ve been hot on his trail all afternoon to gather as much info as i could. might as well, right?

 

Taehyung grins at his screen, editing Jungkook’s contact name as he enters his apartment. The phone pings again with incoming messages.

 

 **Coconut Casanova** : meet me here tonight at 7:45, cool?

 

 **Coconut Casanova** : oh and before you ask, there is _no_ chance i’m not tagging along to watch you interact with your ex okay cool dress sexy bYEEEEE

 

Taehyung stares at his screen. Somehow, he isn’t surprised Jungkook texts like a crackhead. He texts out a quick thank you and middle finger in response before flopping down on his bed to reminisce.

 

Let’s see. Adam Garrett. “Wasn’t that the magician I dated?” he muses out loud, laughing a little as the memories come back.

 

He’d run into Adam at some dive bar only a couple of months after moving to Boston. The end of semester exams in college had just gotten over and Taehyung was celebrating, bar-hopping all night with his friends when he’d happened across _him_. The Charmcaster.(Yeah okay, it’s a lame name but honestly? He was drunk off his ass, as horny as a dog and the guy knew cool coin tricks, you can’t blame him)

 

Taehyung had assumed he was going to be just like any other one-night stand but Adam had grown… attached, to put it mildly.

 

_“You mean the dude is a wild fetishist when it comes to Asian guys,” Jimin had pointed out when he heard about the “relationship”._

 

 _“Well, I wouldn’t put it like_ that _,” Taehyung had replied, trying to brush it off only to be told that there was no way him and Adam were going to survive even two months together._

 

Which was fair. The sex was pretty good and Adam wasn’t as clingy as some of his other exes, but the pulling-quarters-out-of-thin-air trick could only entertain him for so long. _Especially_ when they were in the middle of sex and he seemingly pulled coins out of his own ass. That was a pretty good wake-up call for Taehyung.

 

Coupled with the fact that Adam literally always kept forgetting he was Korean and not Japanese, the annoying habits got harder and harder to ignore and eventually Taehyung decided to hint maybe it was best if they both went their separate ways.

 

The other had stared at him in shock when he’d finally said it out loud, tired of beating around the bush. That should really— _really—_ have warned him. Adam’s distressed response had caught him off-guard, he’d assumed they both knew it wasn’t working out.

 

_“Come on, Adam,” he’d tried to console the guy. “I’m sure there’s plenty of fish out in the sea for a handsome guy like you! I’m sure I can’t be the only guy who’ll appreciate you and your…magical abilities. There’s someone out there for you! Someone who’s perfect for you. You’ve got no reason to feel upset, okay?”_

 

Then Adam Garrett had held his hand and tearfully asked him to stay because they hadn’t even tried tentacle sex yet.

 

Taehyung isn’t very sure if he’d said anything to that but he does remember walking out with a sigh after that.

 

Come to think of it, he isn’t sure he _should_ go back to this guy…

  
Taehyung shakes his head. He can’t afford to be choosy and miss out on a transformed, better Adam. Who knows, Adam could be a completely new guy, who had found his true calling and was now a total sweetheart. _Even more than before_ , Taehyung tells himself, patting his cheeks encouragingly.

 

This is the time to mend broken bonds again, to give exes another chance purely because they might have changed for the better! He _cannot_ mess this up.

 

Firmly reminding himself of Namjoon and Jin’s current blissful state, he pushes himself up to get dressed and impress.

 

Adam Garrett won’t know what hit him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made jimin such a bully help
> 
> also tada!!! I brought in actor!tae hahaha bet y'all were surprised about him being a theatre actor and not a movie one ^-^ ooh and bonus points to whoever can find a Fire reference in here!
> 
> as usual, please tell me how you found this chapter [here](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com/ask) bc I am itching to hear from you all and I really want to interact!!! [SIDE NOTE: WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE DORA AU JESUS PLS I REALLY NEED TO YELL WITH SOMEONE ABOUT IT]
> 
> also we're almost at 1k hits!!! thank you to everyone for reading, liking and subscribing to this, your support is the main reason I do this!!! please share and rec this fic to other taekook enthusiasts, it would mean the world to me, I swear!


	6. Kim Taehyung & The Unfortunate Exposé.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Taehyung,” he begins, tone serious. “It’s okay if you have this— I don’t know— thing or whatever for animals or, like, for people who have a thing for animals and all, you can tell m—”
> 
> Taehyung smacks his bicep hard, face on fire as he walks faster to leave the other man behind. “Just, oh my God, Jungkook. Just- just shut up and walk.”
> 
> “At least tell me if I’m right, maybe we can try that Jinyoung guy again!” 
> 
> “I’m not talking about this,” Taehyung hisses as loudly as he dares without attracting the attention of pedestrians. He can’t believe this guy. 
> 
> “So there is something to talk ab— ouch, ow, oww, Tae stop kicking! Jesus, okay I get it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have no idea why I based this fic in america wow

_Click!_

 

Taehyung snaps his head around to glare at Jungkook, who just stares back with a shit-eating grin. “Sorry,” he has the decency to say as he puts his phone away, failing to squash his smile. “I just really needed to have that priceless expression on record, Tae, you look like someone punched you in the nuts, wow.”

 

The upbeat music pumping through the bar kills the intensity of his death-stare a little but Taehyung feels content when Jungkook shrinks back in his seat anyway.

 

After a few more minutes of glowering, he sits back as well, fiddling with the label on his gingerale bottle. Near the bar across the dance floor, is a playful Adam Garrett, looking better than ever as he chats with younger patrons. Taehyung stares on gloomily. The guy even managed to understand how to perfect his stubble, damn him.

 

But somehow, Taehyung knows it’s going to be a waste of time going up to him and saying ‘hi’. He can almost _feel_ the guy’s vibe and it hasn’t changed one bit. Taehyung is currently sitting in the exact same bar where he’d first run into Adam, the latter working as a bartender. Adam is standing in the exact same side of the bar he used to tend back then, trying the same magic trick on college kids. Who, unsurprisingly, look distinctly Asian. At this point, all he’s upset about is actually coming all the way down here only to watch his ex send a sleazy wink to a boy very clearly younger than him as he pulls out a quarter from behind his ear.

 

“I don’t get the problem, really,” Jungkook says obliviously, slurping his Cola noisily through the straw. “What’s stopping you? He looks a whole lot better than he did when you two were together, is _definitely_ single and ready to mingle— plus he knows some cool coin tricks!”

 

The last bit is what incenses Taehyung, sending him over the edge. He slams his hand down on the table. “One. Singular. Coin trick. That’s the only one he knows, trust me. And the problem,” he hisses. “Isn’t that he doesn’t look good. It’s that he’s on the other side of the bar counter, which means he’s a _bartender_.”

 

Jungkook’s grin drops at that and he looks at Taehyung coldly. “I didn’t realise bartenders don’t match up to your high-class standards, but I’ll keep that in mind from now on.” He says, tone frigid. He barely even looks Taehyung in the eye as he says it, pointedly turning away from the elder.

 

Fuck. “Shit no, sorry, I didn’t mean it…that way,” Taehyung fumbles, embarrassed once he realises what he’s sounding like. Jungkook crosses his arms and waits expectantly. “I just— fuck, okay look— the problem is that he’s _still_ a bartender, Jungkook. Even after all these years, he looks like the same guy I dumped back then— in the exact state, pulling quarters out of thin air and flirting with any guy who looks even remotely Asian.”

 

He isn’t sure if this is all getting across to Jungkook but he continues regardless. “It doesn’t seem like he’s changed one bit and I really, _really_ don’t want to go back to the guy who sleeps till noon and bartends till three before coming to mine for a quick fuck in the middle of the night, okay? Not when I know he won’t even care about working on the relationship the second he’s got his dick inside of me because according to _him,_ that means we’re all good. I—” Taehyung gropes agitatedly for words. “The very reason I’m going on this hunt through exes for The One is so I can figure out who’s _changed._ Changed enough to be compatible with me now. Not to give in to their current, better looks just so I have to accommodate the same flaws and wind up hurt all over again.”

 

Jungkook scrutinises him for a few seconds. When he’s found whatever he’s looking for, his expression softens and he nods, leaning in with a warm look in his eyes. Taehyung shivers at the sudden proximity but his neighbour just continues, unaware. “I understand that and, uh, I’m sorry I judged you so quickly,” he says sheepishly. “You’re right, you deserve much better than that douche.” Taehyung sends him a small smile, chest a lot lighter now that he knows Jungkook is on the same page as him. “And also, lead with that next time, genius, I almost thought you were an elitist bitch.”

 

Taehyung blinks as Jungkook moves away, sipping the Cola with one of his signature bright grins. A tiny voice inside his head is telling him to follow, regain that proximity and— he freezes. What the _fuck_.

 

Letting out a nervous laugh, Taehyung starts talking quickly to squash the thought down. “You’ve seen me skate down our lobby on silky socks and you still thought I was capable of being an elitist bitch?”

 

“Terrible for a cop’s son, aren’t I?”

 

“The worst.”

 

The two giggle, atmosphere turning light again as they turn to look at Adam. “Okay but whatever said and done Tae, his coin trick _is_ super cool.”

 

He bristles. “I’m way more entertaining,” he grumbles under his breath before raising his voice. “Besides, it’s the only one he knows. And he keeps your coin after you lend it to him for the trick.”

 

That riles Jungkook up pretty quick and the elder watches in smug satisfaction as he quickly starts collecting his stuff, itching to get out of this bar. Since Taehyung shares the sentiment, they spend just a couple of moments gulping down their drinks before sneaking across the dance floor, avoiding the bartender’s line of vision.

 

It’s only when they’re out in the pleasant night again that Jungkook breaks the casual silence. “Alright, I gotta ask— if not for the relationship, you could have at least stuck around for a little fun, right? I mean, Number 12 doesn’t seem low enough on the list for the sex to have been _that_ terrible. A quick round in the washroom for old times’ sake, maybe?”

 

Taehyung wrinkles his nose distastefully. “You’re so gross.”

 

Jungkook just shrugs and Taehyung has to suppress a fond grin at his unabashed response. “We can still turn back around, you know.”

 

He groans. “Fine. If you _must_ know, sex with Adam wouldn’t have been bad. I just…couldn’t run the risk of having him propose tentacle sex again. Not in that dingy ass bar’s washroom. Or anywhere else,” he adds hurriedly, seeing Jungkook open his mouth with a mischievous smirk. “And now you know, so shut up and walk.”

 

Jungkook, unsurprisingly, does the exact opposite as Taehyung’s words suddenly sink in. He slows down, jaw wide open. “Wait wait wait— he…propositioned you with… _hentai_?”

 

Taehyung lets out a long-suffering sigh, already knowing this is not going to end well. “Yes,” he grits out.

 

Jungkook stares at him, wide-eyed. “Taehyung,” he begins, tone serious. “It’s okay if you have this— I don’t know— thing or whatever for animals or, like, for _people_ who have a thing for animals and all, you can tell m—”

 

Taehyung smacks his bicep hard, face on fire as he walks faster to leave the other man behind. “Just, oh my God, Jungkook. Just- just shut up and walk.”

 

“At least tell me if I’m right, maybe we can try that Jinyoung guy again!”

 

“I’m not talking about this,” Taehyung hisses as loudly as he dares without attracting the attention of pedestrians. He can’t believe this guy.

 

“So there _is_ something to talk ab— ouch, ow, _oww,_ Tae stop kicking! Jesus, okay I get it, you’re not a furry, stop!”

 

 

 

 

 _The Next Morning_.

 

“You know, as the CEO of a company, one would think you’d have gotten used to boring meetings by now,” Jimin says mildly to Seokjin, watching in avid fascination as he yawns for the seventeenth time in under a minute.

 

Before the eldest can even finish yawning, Taehyung emerges from behind a rack of dress shirts, pointing an accusatory finger at his brother. “You shut your mouth, Park,” he snarls menacingly. The two men shift back on the elegant couch, slightly terrified at his tone. “You’re not doing any better than him.”

 

Jimin protests. “I’ve obediently looked at every option, TaeTae! And I think they’re all good!”

 

Taehyung narrows his eyes. “Of course you did. And I looked good with yellow hair.”

 

“Well actually, _I_ thought—”

 

Taehyung waves a dismissive hand. “You were trying to get in my pants to get Joon hyung jealous, you don’t count.”

 

Seokjin slumps back on the couch, huffing. “In any case, I agree with Minnie, I think they’re all good.”

 

Taehyung throws up his hands, looking up at the ceiling as though praying for motivation. “This isn’t a board meeting for one of your stupid mergers, hyung! Tuxedo-fitting is serious business, you need to have actual input.”

 

Seokjin frowns. “For a guy who’s worked so extensively in the corporate sector, you don’t really grasp the stakes, do you?” Taehyung shrugs, ignoring Jimin’s delicate wince. Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Alright fine, show us the _suit_ -able choices again. Heh.” He starts snickering at his own pun, Jimin joining in unsurprisingly.

 

“I can’t believe you two aren't taking this fitting seriously,” Taehyung clucks his tongue before politely turning to the assistant standing by. They’re currently in a sophisticated wedding outfit boutique, trying to pick out clothes and dresses for the ceremony. Their section of the boutique is fairly quiet and Taehyung intends to keep it that way by making premium use of the assistant before his friends start groaning and bitching again.

 

“Okay first, we need to decide on colours,” the helper says chirpily, looking expectantly at Jimin. “Have you two fixed the theme colours of your wedding?”

 

“Uh yeah, we decided on black and white.”

 

The assistant smiles. “Wonderful! Maybe you could try a white tux—”

 

 _“No wait, sir!”_ There’s a sudden commotion in the main reception outside, cutting him off and he frowns. Taehyung lets out an ‘oof’ as Jimin climbs across him to crane his neck and see what’s going on. Goddamn muscle pig.

 

“Sir, I told you, you can’t go in there!” An anguished voice floats out to them. 

 

“Listen, this is actually important okay, I need to talk to my—”

 

Taehyung’s eyes widen as he hears that voice and he stumbles out of the room, praying it isn’t who he thinks it is. There’s no way he could’ve known Taehyung would be here, right?

 

Unfortunately, one look at back of the other’s head proves him wrong. Of course. Of fucking course. He closes his eyes, trying to take measured breaths. “Jeon Jungkook,” Taehyung grits out. “What are you doing here.”

 

His neighbour turns around at that, beaming as he brushes the security guard’s hands off his collar. “ _See_? I told you I know him,” he says to the guard. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an urgent appointment with Mr. Kim here.” Jungkook winks at the cute receptionist who flushes and sits back down, waving off the guard once she sees Taehyung nod at her.

 

He groans, beginning to drag the coconut back to their part of the shop. “I’m really…sorry about him, he’s a little, you know,” he nods awkwardly as they sidle back, hoping she’ll stop staring at them, wide-eyed.

 

“Oh I assure you,” Jungkook cuts in, sending a devilish smirk her way. “There is nothing ‘ _little_ ’ about me.”

 

Taehyung winces and manages to drag him back just as the poor girl’s face explodes, cheeks a furious shade of red.“You are unbelievable,” he hisses venomously, smacking the other’s bicep once they’ve reached the others.

 

“Aww kitten, thanks,” Jungkook grins, leaning in playfully. Taehyung flicks the other’s puckered lips with a scoff. “Ow!”

 

He waves at the assistant to continue displaying options to his friends while he deals with the pest. Unfortunately for him, Jimin and Seokjin have now lost whatever little interest they’d managed to muster and are now staring up at the two neighbours with matching, interested grins.

 

“Hello again,” Jimin smiles at Jungkook, eyes glinting with delight as they flick between the two.

 

Jungkook’s face lights up with recognition and he begins to stalk forward, stopping only when Taehyung pulls him back by his collar. “Oh come on, I’m only saying hi to your brother!” he whines.

 

Taehyung narrows his eyes. “You can do it from right here.”

 

“Do you actually, truly believe I’m the kind of guy who’d hit on a taken man? Really, Taehyung?” Jungkook glares at him, slightly offended.

 

The other’s tone pricks at him and the elder shakes his head guiltily. Jungkook might sleep around a lot but Taehyung, even with his brief interactions with the guy, knows he’s better than what he was insinuating. He lets the collar go with a softly muttered apology and nods. Jungkook smiles at him before moving towards Jimin, dropping to his knee and kissing his hand exaggeratedly. “Congratulations on your merry union,” he says soberly, before sending him a playful wink.

 

Jimin laughs. “Thank you, Hot Blowjob Neighbour. It’s very nice to see you again.”

 

“Same,” Seokjin butts in, looking between them impatiently. “This is all great and stuff, but can someone explain why the Tuxedo Decision Presentation from Hell was cut short like that? Not that I’m complaining,” he mutters, shrugging apologetically when the helper stalks out of the room huffily. “I approve of this hot twink gatecrashing but I’m also curious as hell about what’s happening here.”

 

Jungkook sputters in outrage. “Twi— _I am not a twink_! I am the opposite of a twink! Your friend is the real twink!”

 

Taehyung muffles his laughter in his hands, watching in amusement as the other steamrollers on. It’s pretty damn adorable to see the musician so winded because of just one tiny word. Seokjin seems to be thinking the same thing because he smiles serenely, patting the other’s head. “I like you, Hot Blowjob Twink, come sit with me and explain what’s going on.”

 

“Jungkook, meet my friend Kim Seokjin,” Taehyung introduces with a sigh. “And no, you are not explaining anything to anyone till you tell me why you’re here. Or how you found me, actually.”

 

Seokjin looks imploringly at the newcomer. Jungkook pauses briefly, considering his options. “Will you stop calling me a twink if I tell you why I’m here?” he asks finally.

 

Seokjin crosses his heart with his index finger, eyes wide and innocent as Jimin and Taehyung snort athis poor acting skills.

 

“Great,” Jungkook beams before catapulting across the couch and seating himself comfortably between Taehyung’s friends. “So, my name is Jungkook Jeon and I live across the hall from Tae. I am also the reason he’s not currently stuck dating a furry.”

 

At that, Taehyung quickly makes his way to the other three, staring warily at Jungkook as his heart bangs against his ribcage. He could _not_ be talking about their deal. There was no way his neighbour was going to out him like that, right?

 

( _Right?_ )

 

“Now, in order to understand why I’m here today, I’ll need to explain a little game I like to call ‘The Quest for Kim Taehyung’s Ideal Ex’.”

 

Well. That answers his question.

 

Taehyung springs up to stop Jungkook from exposing him but the other two are already drawing in closer, faces full of intrigue. It’s clear there is no way they’re going to let it go now. Fuck Jungkook. Really, fuck this guy.

 

“I’m surprised he hasn’t told you actually, I thought he’d have informed everyone of his grand plan by now,” Jungkook says jauntily.

 

“Taehyungie isn’t good at keeping secrets,” Seokjin agrees, suspiciously glinting at his friend. Taehyung glares at him petulantly. “Not unless the secret’s really embarrass— oh no.” He stops, panic-struck suddenly. “What’s he done now?” Jimin and Seokjin both frantically look between Jungkook and Taehyung with matching panicked expressions.

 

The musician blinks. “It’s not _that_ bad,” he tries to pacify them. “I mean, I’m only helping him because I approve of it.”

 

They stare at him. “…sort of.”

 

Silence.

 

Jungkook laughs nervously. “Does hunting down your exes to try and see if they’ve changed enough by now to pass off as decent human beings _really_ count as embarrassing?”

 

The two friends stare at him in horror before swivelling around to face Taehyung.

 

He smiles weakly. “Surprise?”

 

The room explodes.

 

“What the hell, Tae, what is wrong with you?” Jimin demands, glaring at him.

 

Seokjin punches in next. “Are you out of your mind? Like, really, actually, truly out of your mind? There was a reason it didn’t work out with them and you definitely shouldn’t be going back inspite of it! Use your head, not your heart.”

 

“I know!” Taehyung says defensively, moving back a little. “I know there was a reason, but what if they’ve changed now? What if that reason doesn’t exist anymore? What if they’ve—”

 

“Magically stopped being complete douchebags?” Jimin asks incredulously. “Come on, Tae, even you have to admit that’s a stretch.”

 

He protests at that, “That’s not even fair, Minnie, they weren’t all douchebags. Plus I’m not saying I’ll go back to them if they’re the same way, only that I’ll catch up with them and see for myself, you know?”

 

Seokjin growls frustratedly. “Have you forgotten how awful you used to feel before breaking up with them? It took so long to convince you to let go of those assholes— weeks, sometimes, for you to even bring it up with your partner because you were concerned about hurting them. Are you legitimately telling us you’re prepared to go through all that again?”

 

Jimin nods vehemently. “You’re really not thinking this one out, Tae. All because of a stupid Vogue article.”

 

Taehyung feels the hot rush of embarrassment. “That’s not true.”

 

“Yes, it is and—”

 

“Well it worked out for you and Namjoon, didn’t it?” he says loudly. “I mean, you two broke up for several years and yet here you are, even more of a perfect couple than you were the first time around.”

 

Seokjin groans. Suddenly, it’s crystal clear where Taehyung’s finding his inspiration. He should’ve known telling Taehyung all of that stuff about people changing would come back to bite him in the ass. He should be banned from trying to influence people. Jimin seems to be realising this too because he nudges Seokjin none too gently, glaring at him till he settles back down next to an amused Jungkook. He’s going to have to handle his brother on his own now.

 

Taking a deep breath, he smiles patiently at Taehyung. “This doesn’t sound like the greatest idea, Tae. I’m not sure about this. But,” he adds quickly as his brother opens his mouth to protest. “If you really want to do this and see if things have changed— if that’s what’s going to make you happy, I’m here for it.”

 

Taehyung lights up at that, launching himself across the floor to smother Jimin in his hug. “You are the best, Jiminnie, thank you so much!” he squeals. Jungkook’s eyebrows rise up of their own accord at the deep voice pitched so high. Huh. “Not that I needed your approval, really but this feels so good, you have no idea how tough it was to keep a secret from you.” Jimin stretches his features into a smile, patting his back softly. The moment his face is out of Taehyung’s line of vision, however, he points his finger at Seokjin before dragging it across his neck sinisterly.

 

The eldest briefly considers feeling terrified but Jungkook’s reassuring pat reminds him that if anything backfires, there’s probably going to be at least one other person Jimin will head for before coming for him. (Probably not the kind of reassurance Jungkook was trying to provide with his pat, but he’ll take it.)

 

“And you, hyung?” Taehyung asks, turning to look at him. “You’re cool with this too? Especially since, you know, you gave me the idea?”

 

Seokjin winces at the reminder and nods quickly, eager to get this conversation done with. “Great! Then you two can get on with viewing the options while Jungkook tells me what brought him here,” Taehyung claps excitedly.

 

“Actually, why don’t we all hear him out?” Seokjin suggests. Anything to get out of tuxedo-fitting duty. “I mean, we all know now, so.” Jimin squints at him suspiciously but ends up agreeing too.

 

Taehyung looks at Jungkook, not entirely sure with this new course of action. Is he really willing to openly discuss whatever Jungkook’s discovered? What if it turns out to be an ex who isn’t too high on the list? What if Jimin and Seokjin instantly shoot the idea down? And it’d be absolutely terrible if—

 

“It’s actually not that big a deal you know,” Jungkook interrupts his monologue with a fond grin. “It’s just that I found someone fairly high up on his list of exes but every time I try to search for their social media profiles, this girl keeps showing up.”

 

The three friends stare at him. “Okay, and?” Seokjin prompts.

 

Jungkook stares at them in confusion. Perhaps they didn’t get him. “I mean, all the details you gave me match this girl’s information, but like… I mean, you know,” he trails off awkwardly.

 

They motion for him to continue, all three getting noticeably annoyed as it becomes clear Jungkook probably just chased Taehyung down for no reason, after all.

 

He stutters. “I just mean— like, it’s totally possible your ex transitioned and all, you know, so I figured I’d come down here and, I don’t know, we could like discuss—”

 

“What’s their name?” Taehyung cuts across gently, endeared despite himself by the younger’s startled babbling.

 

Jungkook fumbles. “Uh, Drew? Drew Grayson?” he says tentatively, staring when the three burst out laughing. “What?” he asks defensively.

 

Seokjin just shakes his head, still giggling. “Drew was Tae’s girlfriend back in college,” he explains. “She’s always been a girl.”

 

Jungkook crosses his arms with a pout. “Okay great, so I made a mistake. Big deal.”

 

“No no, I see why you’re confused. You didn’t know I’ve dated girls, it’s cool.” Taehyung tries to stifle his grin.

 

“Exactly, I thought you were gay!”

 

“Oh, he is,” Jimin clarifies. “Well, mostly. He dated, like, two girls in college but that’s about it.”

 

Jungkook nods slowly. “Okay… so why is she on the list? And more importantly, why is she so high up on it?”

 

Taehyung shrugs. “I was pretty drunk when I started compiling the list according to priority?” he offers by way of explanation. “Besides, she was a great girl, you know.”

 

His neighbour snorts. “Great enough that you’re going to consider settling down with her forever?”

 

“Hey, I could settle down with a girl if I wanted to!”

 

“What about sex? How would you ever enjoy sex again?”

 

“Oh, come on! Do you really think I can’t be a top?”

 

“Yes,” all three of them answer in unison. Taehyung scowls, offended. Jungkook smirks. “Are you really prepared to go your whole life without taking dick up your ass? Ever again?”

 

Taehyung smiles sweetly. “Strap-ons are a thing, you know.”

 

Everyone coughs at that, cheeks tinting with a light blush. He hadn’t expected…that for an answer. Then again, his question had been pretty inappropriate too, so. Quickly trying to change the topic, Jimin turns to Jungkook. “So wait um, how did you find her?”

 

Jungkook waves dismissively, grinning boastfully. “I have my skills,” he brags casually. Taehyung groans.

 

“The more pressing question is how did you find me? I never told you I was going to be here.”

 

“Oh that was simple,” he says, crossing his hands behind his head to make a makeshift pillow. “You fell asleep on the subway last night after we had dinner and you kinda, I don’t know, started sleeptalking? It was scary as shit at first but you kept mumbling something about a tux-fitting at ten, so I figured I’d set an alarm for you. Then Jimin’s message popped up on the screen asking if he really had to tag along to this place and that’s how I found out the location.”

 

They blink at him. “Hiiiigh-key creepy of you to look at my messages but okay sure.”

 

Jungkook huffs. “I was doing your sleepy ass a favour. Besides, the real creep show was watching you talk to yourself all the way back up to your apartment, Mr. Sex List.”

 

“No one told you to,” Taehyung retorted.

 

“No,” Jungkook has to agree, not wanting to admit that maybe he’d sort of wanted to. It had been pretty adorable, watching the older without all his defences, talking in broken phrases with his pouty lips. “In any case, your phone was out of service and I really needed to ask if you’d made a mistake with this Drew chick, so I figured I’d come down.”

 

Seokjin hums. “What does she do now? I remember she used to always be talking about physical fitness and stuff like that back in college,” he recalls. Taehyung nods dreamily, suddenly struck by the memory of those strong thighs and the many wonderful nights he’d spent trapped between them. “Anything related to that?”

 

Jungkook throws Taehyung a weird look. “Bingo. She’s a yoga teacher. A pretty successful one, too.”

 

“Great,” Taehyung says excitedly. “Can’t wait to go meet her, she was an amazing girl.”

 

Jungkook frowns lightly. “Tae, are you sure? I mean, there’s really no reason for you to be going after a woman when you’re gay.”

 

“ _Mostly_ gay,” his neighbour corrects. “Not entirely uninterested in girls. And thank you for your concern but really, Drew is the only girl I genuinely felt sexually and emotionally comfortable with.”

 

“You’ve dated all of two girls in your entire life,” Jimin points out. Taehyung tsks. “My point is, I really liked her. And, I mean, if things seem good now— why not, right?”

 

Jungkook purses his lips. This doesn’t sound like a good idea, despite whatever Taehyung might believe. He doesn’t enjoy the thought of him going out to meet this Drew chick. Jungkook racks his brains. “Why did you two break up, anyway?” he asks, a last attempt to stop the ball from rolling.

 

“She was moving to Dublin for a couple of years to pursue her master’s degree and we decided it’d be best if we didn’t do long-distance,” Taehyung says, getting up and walking over to a rack. Throwing Jimin a couple of dress shirt options, he motions for him to head to the changing room. “And then we sort of just lost contact, I guess.”

 

Jungkook nods, eyes following a resigned Jimin as he walks over to the room. “Well, if you actually think it could be a good idea,” he starts reluctantly. “Maybe you could—”

 

“Why do you not think it’s a good idea?” Seokjin speaks up suddenly, eyes twinkling at him.

 

Jungkook forces a scoff. “I never said it’s not a good idea.”

 

“No, you didn’t but you also don’t seem too keen on it, right, Tae?” he asks his friend, glinting eyes still fixed on the musician. Taehyung hums distractedly, attention completely engrossed in finding a shirt for Seokjin. “What’s your beef with her?”

 

Jungkook laughs tremulously, quickly getting up to look around the racks. “No ‘beef’, trust me. I just didn’t understand why a gay guy would want to settle down for _life_ with a woman, is all.”

 

Seokjin grins, shark-like. The CEO in him can smell a lie, even if Jungkook doesn’t know he’s doing it. “Well then, now that you know Taehyungie’s bi, it shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

 

Jungkook blinks. He has no defences left to turn to and he seems to realise this abruptly. “Right,” he says, collecting himself hurriedly. “Of course, yeah. No doubt, it’s all cool.”

 

Seokjin just smirks knowingly at him.

 

“Hey Kook, can I meet you back at the building in two-three hours?” Taehyung asks, popping out with three more options, firmly handing them to Seokjin. “I really need to get this done right now, I know these morons won’t finish it without me.”

 

Oh. Jungkook nods, pushing down a twinge of disappointment as he registers he has to leave. “Yeah sure, okay. I’ll wait out in your apartment.”

 

“Wait, what? Why my apartment?”

 

“Because you have donuts in your fridge,” Jungkook smiles cheekily, trying to collect himself and waving briefly at Seokjin as he walks out. “Bye Jimin, see you later!”

 

“Ask Tae to give you my number!” Jimin calls out in reply, from inside the dressing room. “I’m going to need constant updates on this quest, okay?”

 

Taehyung groans. “Great.”

 

“Actually, take my number from him too,” Seokjin says. He’s smiling in barely suppressed glee as he looks between the two neighbours. “I'd love to talk more with you.”

 

Jungkook swallows nervously before nodding and backing out of the room. Right before leaving, though, he turns to blow a playful kiss at Taehyung and saunters out merrily as he gets a middle finger in response. Taehyung huffs out a laugh before shaking his head and walking back to the shelves, unaware of the way the CEO is looking at him.

 

 _Interesting_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi
> 
> okay firstly, I'm sorry this week's update is four days late, but I actually have a genuine reason this time. long sob story short: I was the victim of a bank fraud and I'm down on something equal to $220. it was my first time earning from my very first internship and I just lost almost all of it and I've been in a really bad shape. the bank isn't refunding me so I'm just going to have to let this one go. 
> 
> it would help immensely, however, if you all could suggest _anything_ at all. I've tried looking for proofreading or editing jobs but I'm an amateur when it comes to finding stuff like this, so if you could suggest anything, it'd mean a lot. even if it's just ghostwriting an essay or a short story or something, I'm down for it bc I could really use the money. so please keep and eye out and let me know if there's anything I can try. I've never done commissions but I might now bc, like I said, I could really use the cash.  
>  anyway, moving on. 
> 
> I'm sorry this update is also slightly boring in addition to being late, I just- I was so down, I couldn't even bring myself to write happily :(( I was going to include Drew in here but this is fairly long and I am pretty late so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> hopefully things will be better by the time I update next :)
> 
> also!!! I'm making an insta account for bts edits and mood boards and putting up fic prompts, so if you're interested, you can find me under 'roseokssi'!! please follow me and let me know how you find it <3
> 
> lastly, [here's](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com) my Tumblr, please come talk to me and tell me everything's going to be fine lol 
> 
> okay friendos have a wonderful day and stay safe and be careful!!!


	7. Kim Taehyung & The Very Platonic Assessments.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **unknown** : oh and you have to steer clear of mark danvers. 
> 
> **unknown** : super shady, that one. 
> 
> Taehyung nods sarcastically. _Of course_. He rinses his mouth quickly, wiping his hands before typing out a reply. 
> 
> **Me** : Is there any ex I _can_ talk to?
> 
>  **unknown** : no.
> 
>  **unknown** : and my employer says you have to stay away from that ice cream vendor in daegu too.
> 
>  **Me** : even though you said his hands were beautiful and you’d let him fist you?
> 
>  **unknown** : he had nice hands, tae, okay i’m not blind. 
> 
> **unknown** : fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to me, goddamnit. there's only one way to summarise this chapter right-
> 
>  

**unknown** : kim taehyung.

 

 **unknown** : stay away from drew grayson.

 

Taehyung squints at his phone screen.

 

 **unknown** : don’t talk to jonas argent.

 

 **unknown** : and don’t ever get back in contact with kim jisoo.

 

He sighs. It’s too early in the morning for this shit.

 

 **Me** : I should’ve known jiminnie would tell you

 

 **Me** : Is there anything your fiancé actually keeps from you?

 

 **unknown** : i don’t know who this jimin is.

 

 **unknown** : it was my job to tell you to stay away from these people.

 

 **unknown** : consider yourself warned.

 

Taehyung snorts.

 

 **Me** : Hyung, you can’t stop me

 

 **Me** : This is something I have to do for myself, okay?

 

 **unknown** : no you don’t.

 

 **unknown** : and i’m not your hyung.

 

 **unknown** : you don’t know who i am, okay?

 

 **unknown** : and you don’t want someone like me coming after you.

 

 _Right_.

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, throwing his blankets off him as he staggers to the washroom to get ready for the day. Drew’s yoga class starts dot at 9:00 am and there is no way he’s risking a bad first (second?) impression by showing up late. Unfortunately for him, his phone keeps pinging with incoming messages as he’s brushing his teeth and he groans, shifting his toothbrush to the other hand so he can unlock it with his free one.

 

 **unknown** : also you can never talk to adam garrett again.

 

 **unknown** : oh and you have to steer clear of mark danvers.

 

 **unknown** : super shady, that one.

 

Taehyung nods sarcastically. _Of course_. He rinses his mouth quickly, wiping his hands before typing out a reply.

 

 **Me** : Is there any ex I _can_ talk to?

 

 **unknown** : no.

 

 **unknown** : and my employer says you have to stay away from that ice cream vendor in daegu too.

 

 **Me** : Even though you said his hands were beautiful and you’d let him fist you?

 

 **unknown** : he had nice hands, tae, okay i’m not blind.

 

 **unknown** : fuck

 

 **unknown** : goddamnit taehyung you’re so sneaky

 

 **unknown** : i hate you more than hobi’s sleazy ceramics instructor.

 

 **Me** : No you don’t but I get the sentiment it’s cool

 

 **unknown** : _ugh_.

 

 **Me** : How come you're still letting hobi hyung take classes with him anyway

 

 **unknown** : bc right now, i have bigger problems on my plate. like getting you to abandon this crazy idea.

 

Taehyung sighs, editing the elder’s name in his contact list again for the fourteenth time.

 

 **Me** : Yoongi hyung you need to stop editing your contact name in my phone all the time

 

 **Me** :And no, I’m not giving up on this. No chance.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : don’t be a stubborn brat.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : how did you even know it was me?

 

 **Me** : Bc you’re the only one who secretly changes his contact name to ‘unknown’ in everybody’s phone?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : it makes me enigmatic!

 

“You would’ve made an excellent Dracula in another universe,” Taehyung mutters to himself.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : did you really guess based off that one tiny clue?

 

 **Me** : You’re also the only guy to walk this earth who's disabled his auto caps-lock but still insists on using impeccable grammar

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : it’s for the aesthetic, tae, you know this.

 

 **Me** : It’s what outs you literally every single time but okay yoongi

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : got a regular sherlock on our hands.

 

Taehyung sighs, quickly beginning to lose his patience.

 

 **Me** : Can I go now or…?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : no.

 

 **Me** : Haha trick question, I don’t care

 

 **Me** : I’ve got a yoga class to get ready for, so I’m gonna have to text you later

 

 **Me** : Bye now

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : tae, no, wait!

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : you’re being stupid, let this go.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : there’s someone better waiting for you, alright? fuck dude, come on, don’t make me get mushy.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : i see you reading these.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : tae?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : fuck.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** :can you at least promise me you won’t go back to that bitch ass singer you dated back when we graduated?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** :his vocals made namjoon cry, don’t be heartless.

 

Taehyung stifles a laugh. Namjoon _would_ pitch a fit if he went back to Jay, he agrees. Thankfully for him, the guy is low enough on the priority list Jungkook hasn’t even started looking for him. Chucking his phone down on the bed with a grin, Taehyung walks to his wardrobe, digging out the workout clothes he’d buried deep inside after several failed attempts to gym with Hoseok. They’re going to be a tight fit, he realises as he pulls them out. Taehyung shrugs— the plan is to seduce her a little bit anyway. Besides, he thinks with a snicker, he’s been keeping in good shape.

 

(Jungkook’s been coming over a lot, cooking healthy food and glaring at him till he finishes every last bite in front of him. Taehyung isn’t sure if the competitive impromptu workout sessions they’ve started engaging in afterwards are a ploy by the younger to get him to lead a healthy lifestyle, but if it is, Taehyung hates to admit it’s probably working.)

 

Before he can fondly muse anymore on his neighbour’s sneaky helpful tendencies, there’s a sudden loud thump from his living room. Taehyung freezes. As the _sole_ occupant of this house, his mind instantly springs to the horror movie Jungkook had convinced him to watch last night. Wonderful. He’s being haunted now. In the daytime. (In his defence, it _is_ extremely stormy and the rain beating down on his windows isn’t helping.)

 

He takes it all back. Jungkook is an asshole, no matter how much the guy looks out for his diet. Fuck him and fuck his puppy dog eyes, Taehyung is never letting him in the apartment again. Heart rate picking up, he finally starts moving in the direction of the noise, reaching out for any solid object on a nearby shelf without paying attention. Taehyung slowly sidles into the drawing room doorway, armed and ready to attack when he catches sight of the perpetrator.

 

Spread out in front of him is a dead-to-the-world Jungkook Jeon, one hand flung dramatically over the back of his couch while the other rests lightly on the floor. A photo frame lies on the ground, right under the coffee table near his neighbour’s feet. Putting two and two together, Taehyung swears, amused despite himself. Jungkook must have kicked it in his sleep. This fucking kid. Sighing loudly, he walks over, pushing at the other’s legs before crouching to pick up the, thankfully, unharmed frame. “Kook, wake up.”

 

The younger groans and rolls around, feet almost smacking his host in the face. Taehyung grunts as he evades the kick and stands back up. “Yah, Jungkook-ah, get up. What are you even doing on my couch?”

 

The other mumbles something sleepily, turning on his side to curl up into a ball and it’s such a disarming sight, Taehyung has to sit down to take it in. The younger looks so…cute.

 

He smiles. Not even bothering to squash the unbidden thought down, Taehyung lets himself look at the other properly for the first time. Just for a few moments, he tells himself. It’s only a platonic analysis of what his neighbour looks like, he tells himself. You know, as a friendly thing.

 

Rolling his eyes at himself for the excessive rationalising, Taehyung bites his lips, running his gaze over the other’s face. It’s not a big deal. He’s just admiring a face he's seen before but never paid a lot of attention too. He did this for Minjae too once, when the guy had drunkenly asked him if _anything_ was attractive about him after his girlfriend had dumped him. (Taehyung elects to ignore the way that particular night had ended. This is _not_ going to end like that.) Totally normal.

 

Just as he’s about to start his (platonic) assessment of Jungkook’s button nose, a loud clap of thunder booms outside and the latter jerks awake, blinking in disorientation. Taehyung quickly gets up, willing his blush away. He hasn’t been caught doing anything wrong. It’s okay. It’s alright. Jungkook doesn’t know what Taehyung was doing.

 

“Were you just staring at my nose?” Jungkook croaks, sleepily squinting at him.

 

“Wh— no, of course not,” Taehyung brushes his query off with a high laugh. Where are his acting skills when he needs them? Fucking traitors. “Why would I be staring at your nose, Kook, come on.”

 

Instead of a smartass answer like Taehyung is expecting, Jungkook just nods slowly. That’s what gets Taehyung’s attention. The guy must be really tired if he can’t even compose a flirty response, he thinks to himself. Jungkook blinks once, twice before he gets up, pushing himself to sit up straight. “Sorry I crashed on your couch,” Jungkook mutters, voice still rough with drowsiness. Taehyung swallows. It’s not a bad sound. “I was working on the list and I found two more people but by the time I wrapped up, I was too sleepy to go back.”

 

Taehyung waves dismissively. “Not at all, it’s okay. You can use my couch whenever you need,” he smiles, the memory of a tired, asleep Jungkook still fresh in his mind. Looking at the boy in front of him, he can’t even conjure up the image of the asshole who forced him to watch a horror movie last night.

 

Jungkook’s lips twist up in something that looks like a smile, eyes still looking fatigued. He’s about to thank the older when he notices what Taehyung’s clutching in his hand. “Um, Tae?”

 

He hums, still looking at Jungkook’s face gently.

 

“Why are you holding a dildo?”

 

Taehyung’s head snaps down. Sure enough, there it is— his seven inch long black dildo— staring up at him innocently. Taehyung closes his eyes. Of fucking course the first thing he grabbed to defend himself turns out to be a dildo. He isn’t even surprised. “It’s nothing. No reason, it’s fine, really.”

 

(It is _not_ fine. Taehyung is going to bury Jimin alive for constantly putting his sex toys up as interior décor showpieces. It is _not_ artistic, no matter what his brother claims.)

 

It’s a testament to how off-balance Jungkook must be feeling when he just accepts that answer unquestioningly, not even coming up with a perverted response. Taehyung is quickly beginning to worry. “Jungkook, are you sure you’re alright?” he asks in concern, squatting down to face the other. He lays a soft hand on Jungkook’s knee, looking straight into his neighbour’s eyes. “You seem a little… off.”

 

Jungkook blinks at him. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just— I don’t know, I guess I’m a little worried about you meeting Drew.”

 

Taehyung feels a quite twinge in his chest. Apparently realising how that sounded, Jungkook hurries to add, “I mean, since it’s been so long and all. Like,” he fumbles. “It’s just a big thing since you haven’t dated any girls since her, you know?”

 

Taehyung sighs, letting himself relax. “Don’t worry,” he pinches the other’s cheek, thanking god when he finally smacks it away like he normally does. “I can handle myself.” Jungkook nods along unsurely.“ _And_ if you’re really that concerned, you can come with.”

 

Jungkook perks up a little at that. “Really?”

 

“Of course,” Taehyung squeezes his knee reassuringly. “What if all the ladies in the class are insanely attracted to me and try to jump me? I’ll need to be rescued, you know.”

 

“With an ego that big, I’m not even sure if there’ll be space in the room for others,” Jungkook deadpans, receiving a quick flick on his forehead for the quip.

 

Taehyung continues, “I’m going to go take a shower, since we have to leave in a bit. Could you get started on breakfast?”

 

Jungkook snorts, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “ _Get started_? You know as well as I do that there’s only going to be one person cooking here today.”

 

Taehyung glares at him. “It’s not my fault I’m not allowed near the stove.”

 

“It actually is because the last time you cooked, you nearly killed a living organism,” Jungkook points out. “You watched as I fed that food to a bird and it couldn’t move for the next couple of hours.”

 

“I thought it was sticking around for more food!” Taehyung protests.

 

“Which is why we don’t leave the thinking to you. Now go, take a shower,” Jungkook orders, shoving him in the direction of the bathroom. “And for the love of God, put away that dildo, it’s too early in the morning for that.”

 

A predatory grin creeps over Taehyung and he wiggles his eyebrows. He opens his mouth but Jungkook seems to anticipate his cheeky remark and laughs, pushing away the elder. “Don’t say a word, asshole. Go bathe.”

 

Taehyung salutes him, getting up and sauntering off cheerily as he hums. Jungkook watches him go with a fond eye roll before groaning and stretching out his limbs. A quick look at the clock reveals that he has enough time to shuffle over to his apartment and take a short shower himself before they have to leave.

 

Taehyung’s going to take at _least_ another forty minutes to emerge and Jungkook can definitely be back in time to cook something before that happens. Shrugging, he heads over to his, leaving his phone connected to the charger in Taehyung’s apartment. As Jungkook is closing the door behind him, he hears an influx of pings go off, but he’s halfway out already and it’s not like he can’t check them later. How important could it be anyway, right?

 

(Little does he know.)

 

Jungkook is ready in another twenty minutes, feeling much more prepared to take on the shitstorm that’s going to be today when he gets out of the shower. He dresses quickly andgrabs his wallet and keys before leaving for Taehyung’s place again, already planning to make simple cheese sandwiches. They’re easily made and it’s not like Taehyung is going to object, unhealthily obsessed with junk food as he is.Jungkook is just grumbling to himself about Taehyung’s terrible dietary habits as he enters the apartment when a sudden noise makes him look up. His mouth dry, he stares in astonishment at the scene before him.

 

Kim Taehyung stands in the doorway of the living room, towelling off his wet hair, looking unfairly attractive in simple workout clothes. Jungkook isn’t sure what material it is, but it’s having a fun time clinging to all of his curves, accentuating his (surprisingly) fit figure. To make matters worse, he’s holding what Jungkook is very sure is a headband which is bound to look killer on him and yeah, no. No way is he going to pop a boner for his neighbour. This is just platonic acknowledgement that Taehyung is an attractive man. That is all, thank you very much.

 

Clearing his throat, Jungkook averts his eyes before moving to the kitchen to start cooking. “Wasn’t expecting you to get ready this quickly,” he croaks. “Is it 2020 already?”

 

Taehyung huffs. “You’re really funny, maybe you should try being a comedian.”

 

“I am, actually.”

 

Taehyung blinks. “Wait, really?”

 

“No, I was just pulling your leg,” Jungkook grins at the elder’s scowling face. “But if it makes you feel better, I did actually try my hand at that, so you don’t have to feel completely naïve.”

 

Taehyung spreads the towel out on the back of a chair and strolls over to sit down on the counter. “Did they tell you you’re not actually funny and break your heart?” he whispers mockingly.

 

Jungkook ignores him, setting about making the sandwiches as promptly as he can. If he fires back, they’ll never stop bickering.

 

“Oh also, your phone was going off a lot,” Taehyung tells him, scrolling through his own device, wincing when he sees Yoongi’s name in the notifications. Jungkook just hums, his back to the elder as he continues preparing the sandwiches.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : tae, i’m serious.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : i’ll sabotage all of your dates.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : don’t do this.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : please?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : wait, are you doing it right now?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : is that why you aren’t replying?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : goddammit taehyung

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : fine. desperate times, desperate measures. 

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : i’m texting your neighbour to put an end to this.

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : jimin also told me he’s a struggling musician?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : surely he’ll listen to an award-winning music producer, right?

 

 **Disaster Hyung** : (:

 

Taehyung’s blood runs cold.

 

Yoongi loves him like his own younger brother but if he thinks something might hurt him, there’s no stone he won’t leave unturned. He fights dirty and Taehyung knows he has no qualms doing so if it means keeping his friends safe. Suddenly, the message notifications on Jungkook’s phone make a chilling sort of sense.

 

Taehyung gets up slowly, inching towards the younger’s phone. He can’t let Jungkook see those messages. If the musician is bribed by whatever devilish offer Yoongi makes him (not that Taehyung would blame him), there’s no way he’ll be able to do this on his own.

 

However, before he can even reach for it, there’s another loud ping from the mobile and Jungkook looks up, hands still busy with two plates. “Tae, could you get that for me? I kinda need to put these in the griller.”

 

Taehyung swallows before aiming a smile at his neighbour. “Maybe it’s just a spam message, Kook. Let’s just check it later!”

 

Jungkook frowns. “You’re standing right next to it. All you have to do is bring it to me, lazybones.”

 

Taehyung bites his lips and considers his options. Option one— handing the phone over to Jungkook and watch his plan get squashed as the musician is lured into Yoongi’s trap. -3/10, this will mean immediate destruction of his noble quest. Option two— running away with Jungkook’s phone and trying to delete the message. 2/10, he doesn’t know the younger’s password and probably won’t even be able to outrun the muscle pig. Option three— running away with the phone but throwing it off from a balcony this time. 7/10, actually not a bad idea but he knows Jungkook has message backups on cloud or whatever which means eventually he’ll find out what Taehyung was trying to hide. He sighs. Option four— actually giving the phone to Jungkook, begging him to not get swayed and still help his hopeless ass.

 

Taehyung swears colourfully. This day is turning out great. Almost as though to underline his thoughts, another crackle of lightning lights up the sky, thunder rumbling ominously. Taehyung glares at the view outside.

 

“Tae? You getting it for me or not?” Jungkook asks, crossing his arms sternly.

 

With another huge, pathetic sigh, Taehyung disconnects the phone from the charger before trudging over slowly to his neighbour. There’s only a moment’s hesitation as he hands it over, flopping down dramatically on his chair after that. All he can do now is watch in agony as his plan turns to ask.

 

Jungkook stares at him, amused, and settles down opposite him, unlocking the mobile. Eight unread messages blink up at him. His eyebrows rise and he looks at Taehyung suspiciously before clicking on the unknown number’s thread.

 

 **unknown** : Hi, Jungkook.

 

 **unknown** : I know we’ve never met but I was hoping you’d do me a favour, seeing as you’re already acquainted with two of my family members, Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin.

 

 **unknown** : Ah, sorry. I didn’t even introduce myself.

 

 **unknown** : This is Min Yoongi from Wings Inc. You might’ve heard of my record label?

 

Jungkook’s jaw drops open. Taehyung stares at him miserably.

 

“Jimin’s fiancé,” Jungkook pieces together. “Jimin’s fiancé is Min fucking Yoongi? Protective fiancé who’d feed me to his dog if I hit on Jimin was _Min goddamn Yoongi_?”

 

Taehyung can feel his soul withering as he nods reluctantly. Jungkook lets out a little, incredulous breath. Holy shit. He hurriedly gets back to reading the messages.

 

 **unknown** : I really need someone to convince Taehyung that his idea is completely absurd. I mean, there’s a reason it didn’t work out in the first place, you understand?

 

 **unknown** : I love Taehyung with every fibre of my being which is why, although I want to be supportive, I won’t let him hurt himself like that again. I’m far too protective of him to let that happen.

 

 **unknown** :So, I’d really appreciate your cooperation in this, Jungkook. Jimin told me without your help, Taehyung wouldn’t be able to manage this plan and that’s all I’m asking. For you to withdraw your services and help me persuade Taehyung to be logical.

 

 **unknown** : In return, of course, I’d be happy to offer you any help or opportunities I can. Whenever you need it.

 

“ _Disgusting_.” Jungkook jumps at the voice, directly behind his ear. Leaning back, he finds Taehyung standing behind him, glaring daggers at his phone screen. “I can’t believe he really stooped this low,” Taehyung complains. “He even turned his auto-caps on for you, that fucker.”

 

Jungkook blinks in confusion. “What’s going on right now?”

 

Taehyung throws up his hands, storming over to the griller to take out their breakfast. “You’re being bought over, genius, what else? Yoongi went all fucking out for you, he _actually_ used his dumb Formal Propositions template on these texts, I’m—” Taehyung pauses, closing his eyes to take a deep breath and calm down. “He’s literally buying you over so I’ll be left hanging. I hate him, I can’t believe he’s actually doing this to me! There is no way I will ever forgibbmmmph!”

 

Jungkook smiles, hand coming up to cover the other’s mouth. “You rant a lot, did you know that?”

 

Taehyung glares at him wordlessly.

 

“No really.You rant a lot. Like that time when you spent twenty seven minutes telling me why water shouldn’t be considered wet,” Jungkook recalls. “Or when you locked yourself in with a doctor to vent about ducks—”

 

Taehyung’s eyes widen and he pushes the other’s hands off. “How do you know about Dr.Walker?”

 

Jungkook grins. “Jimin is very forthcoming about embarrassing incidents I should be prepared to witness, in case I have to ever intervene during the course of this quest,” he says casually, biting into his sandwich. “Speaking of, you should probably start stuffing your face if you want to get to Drew’s studio on time.”

 

Taehyung does a double take. An honest-to-god double take, like he’s in a movie. Jungkook snorts at him. His neighbour is fascinating.“Wait, wait, wait,” Taehyung grabs his arm, eyes wide and hopeful. “You’re still coming with me?”

 

Jungkook makes a face at him. “Do I really strike you as a snake, Taehyung? Of course I’m staying. I’m not going to abandon you to find The Right Dick _on your own_ just because some hotshot music producer tried to bribe me,” he pauses then smiles beatifically. “Not to mention that watching you interact with your exes is going to be an A1 experience and I’ll have blackmail ammunition for years to come.” He adds, taking another bite of his sandwich.

 

Taehyung doesn’t know how to describe the feeling blooming in his chest but he’s sure it’s the best one he’s had in a long time. His neighbour is letting a possible career breakthrough slip him by, for _his_ sake. A huge smile pulls at the corners of his lips and Taehyung lets it take over, boxy grin lighting up his whole face. Jungkook seems momentarily taken aback by this new expression directed at him but doesn’t waste a second in reciprocating, smiling back just as brightly.

 

They look like two idiots, grinning at each other in a dining room while the rain rages on outside.

 

Another loud chime breaks them out of their reverie and they flush, hurriedly settling down again at the table. Jungkook swipes open his phone and laughs at the new texts. Yoongi is just as impatient and blunt as Taehyung had mentioned, once he’s done being formal for the sake of bribery.

 

 **unknown** : fucking hell, don’t tell me he’s gotten to you too.

 

 **unknown** :how does he transform everyone into a seenzoner?

 

 **unknown** : why can’t you kids just reply to messages? like, just say no if you’re not going to do it but at least don’t leave me hanging, come on

 

He takes a deep breath. Time to sort this out then.

 

 **Me** : ah sorry, mr. min, i got caught up in making breakfast.

 

 **Me** : also, it’s a real honour to talk to you. or, well, text you. i guess.

 

 **Me** : i mean, i really respect you a lot and stuff. but um i think i’m siding with tae on this one.

 

 **Me** :he’s a grown man, mr. min and he might come across as immature and impulsive a lot of the time, so i understand your concerns. but to tell you the truth, he has the purest soul i’ve ever ever come across

 

 **Me** : (i mean, excluding all the kinky stuff but yeah)

 

 **Me** :he’s a good person. he still has faith. he’s optimistic and willing to take risks for what he believes in. maybe it turns out to be true love, maybe it becomes an embarrassing encounter to tell the grandkids. but it’s still his decision to make, you know? and, really, who are we to stand in the way of a good man’s happiness?

 

Jungkook bites his nails nervously as he presses send. Was that going too far? What if he pissed off the most sought-after producer in the music industry? Before it’s even nine o’clock in the morning? That has to be a record of some sort, right? Just as he’s considering the very real consequences of career suicide (is it still a career if he’s only ever sung at tiny coffee joints?), his phone lights up again.

 

 **unknown** : goddamn righteous kids these days, ugh.

 

 **unknown** : fine. i’ll let him do this stupid quest thing.

 

Holy shit, that worked. Jungkook lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. 

 

 **unknown** : but i’m coming with you both on today’s date whether you want me to or not. send me the address of that studio right now, kid.

 

 **unknown** : i might let tae go off and be an idiot, but there’s no goddamn way he’s doing it without my supervision.

 

Jungkook smiles, sending him the location and a daring smiley. As he changes the contact name, he casually conveys Yoongi’s seal of approval to his neighbour, eager to see his reaction. Taehyung goes so still Jungkook actually feels concern bubble up. But just as he reaches a hand out to tap his arm, the older man explodes with joy, whooping loudly.

 

“Dramatic dumbass.” Jungkook looks at Taehyung’s boxy grin and beams. Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.

 

 

 

 

“Fuck you, buddy, _you’re_ in the wrong lane!” Taehyung yells loudly, honking and swearing at a fellow driver. In the passenger’s seat, Jungkook sighs. It’s an experience riding with Kim Taehyung, that’s for sure. “Yeah, you better drive away! Jackass.”

 

“You know, you’d be a great New York City bus driver,” Jungkook comments mildly. The rain has slowed down a lot, but it had rained enough the previous night and all morning to clog up the roads with traffic. Taehyung just growls in response, no sign of his earlier happiness after twenty trying minutes of attempting to navigate the jammed streets. Jungkook pouts at the lack of a verbal reply. “I want you to know that I feel extremely unsafe sitting in the front seat of a car you’re driving.”

 

“If it would please His Highness, I could open the back door so he’d feel fucking toasty next time he takes my humble ride,” Taehyung grits out, quickly turning onto a relatively empty street. “Does that sound alright, my prince?”

 

“How did you even pass your driver’s license test?” Jungkook wonders out loud, ignoring the jibe.

 

Taehyung shrugs. “I almost didn’t, but the examiner was old and confused me for someone else, so I was cleared in the final paperwork.”

 

Jungkook stares at him in horror. Taehyung spares exactly three seconds to side eye him, before caving with an amused huff. “Okay relax, I’ve improved a lot since then.”

 

“Imp— _you’re fucking breaking the law,_ ” Jungkook screeches loudly. “I demand to be let out of your vehicle this instant, good sir!”

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, trying hard not to crack a smile. “Stop overreacting, I drive fine. Ask Jiminnie.”

 

Jungkook stares at him incredulously. “You mean the same Jiminnie who you feed your venomous culinary experiments to? Yeah thanks no thanks, I don’t trust his judgement anymore. Who knows how much he’s been affected by the poison you put in him.”

 

Taehyung throws him a hurt look but Jungkook stares back resolutely. He’s standing firm this time, no matter how much he’s subjected to the puppy dog eyes. Apparently, Taehyung recognises this too because he drops the act quickly. “I’ll have my revenge someday,” he mutters softly in Korean.

 

Jungkook frowns. “What?”

 

“Nothing, we’re here,” he smiles sweetly, pulling up in the parking space for the studio. Jungkook sighs and they both get down. “Okay, so Yoongi hyung is in that diner across the street, you two can wait for me in there. I’ll text you once my class is over and I have myself a hot date,” Taehyung winks.

 

“Did you forget what I said about big egos not fitting in small rooms already? I could go over it again for your sake,” Jungkook dodges the kick this time, smiling cheekily. “Alright, alright. Best of luck, kitten, go get her.”

 

Taehyung nods, bouncing twice on his toes excitedly before taking off, workout bag slung over his shoulder. Jungkook watches him go with a strange feeling in his chest, forcing himself to not check out the other’s ass. Shaking his head at the duality of his thoughts, he pats his cheeks a few times to focus and heads for the diner. Get a grip, Jungkook, you’re going to meet Min Fucking Yoongi. ( _Where the fuck did all that confidence from this morning go_?)

 

He can think about the disaster that is Kim Taehyung, afterwards. For now, all he has to do is meet the producer. Not for career opportunities, of course, just for his own sake. Jungkook has been following the guy since his Soundcloud days and he’s nothing if not a dedicated fanboy. There is no way he’s going to embarrass himself in front of Yoongi.

 

Unfortunately for Jungkook, things don’t work out in his favour. Entering the diner, he scans around, looking for the legendary genius. Jungkook’s heart is going a mile a minute but somehow, he manages to focus enough to settle down on a figure tucked away in one corner of the diner. Almost as though he’s sensed someone looking at him, Yoongi glances up, dark eyes instantly finding him.

 

Shit.

 

Shit, shit, shit, Jungkook chants mentally. He isn’t ready for this, what was he thinking coming here? Why did he ever assume he’d be able to hang out with his biggest role model? On his own, without adult supervision? After rejecting the guy’s offer? 

 

Jungkook can be a real dumb bitch sometimes.

 

He looks up at Yoongi again, hoping the other man will somehow understand this fact and let him sneak away quietly but that doesn’t seem to be the case. He watches with wide eyes as Yoongi smiles a little and waves at him. _He’s asking you to come over, pea-brain_ , a voice in his head tells him and Jungkook jumps into action, moving towards him.

 

“Morning, kid,” Yoongi drawls, still looking (suspiciously) pleasant as Jungkook nears the booth. “Nice to finally meet the guy Jin hyung won’t shut up about.”

 

Jungkook smiles nervously, sliding into the seat opposite him. He’s about to hold his hand out for a handshake when he suddenly remembers Yoongi is more in touch with his Korean side than him.Would he appreciate being greeted traditionally? Oh fuck, he doesn’t know how to do this. Unsure of how to greet him, Jungkook ends up bowing and throwing his hand out at the same time. Yoongi lets out a snort, trying to hold back laughter as he nods his head down in response and accepts the handshake.

 

“That’s the most amount of respect I’ve had from any of Taehyung’s friends,” he tells Jungkook. “And not that I don't appreciate it, but you really don’t have to bow. Jimin tells me you’re practically an American boy.”

 

Jungkook flushes. “I’m not an American boy,” he mumbles. “And I just— it’s a little unreal meeting you, so I guess you could say I’m on edge.”

 

Yoongi looks at him warmly. “Always nice to meet a fan,” he teases, making sure to keep his voice light so Jungkook doesn’t think he’s being condescended to. The younger’s heart flutters stupidly; he’d heard Yoongi was a lovely person but to actually experience it is wild. He’s being ridiculously nice and doesn’t seem anything like the prickly guy who'd spammed him barely an hour ago.

 

“Nice to meet you too,” Jungkook responds, trying to get himself together. His mouth won’t quit smiling and he stops trying after a bit. “And, uh, thank you for your support—it means a lot to Taehyung. He was super pleased you’re letting him do his thing.”

 

Yoongi shrugs. “I knew he was going to do it anyway. It’s just my moral duty as his brother-in-law to at least try and stop him, you know?” he gives Jungkook a bright grin, thanking the waitress as she brings him his breakfast. “Want some pancakes?”

 

“Ah no, thank you,” Jungkook says bashfully. It’s getting a little ridiculous how fluttery he’s feeling. Like, okay he used to have a baby crush on Yoongi back when he was a teenager but it’s long since matured into admiration. He doesn’t understand why he’s feeling so overwhelmed right now.

 

Across the table from him, Yoongi doesn’t get why the boy who Jimin _swore_ was a sassy brat, is currently so quiet and nervous. One thing that’s for sure, though, is that the silence is quickly going to turn awkward if one of them doesn’t make an effort. All he’d wanted was to have a simple day off, away from wedding and work responsibilities, but no. Jimin just _had_ to hint at Taehyung’s stupid predicament and the even stupider innocent neighbour he was dragging into this mess. And now he’s staring at an adorable fanboy who clearly can’t seem to stop vibrating nervously around him. Yoongi sighs. Why is he always so soft for the younger ones? “Hey, ki— Jungkook, is it?”

 

The younger boy nods.

 

“Well, Jungkook,” Yoongi beams. “Why don’t you tell me how you and Taehyung met and in return, I’ll tell you all about the ways in which Taehyung managed to embarrass himself in college?”

 

Jungkook’s eyes go round and there’s a moment of cute astonishment on his face before he’s shaking his head to focus. “Mr. Min,” he grins, _finally_. “It would be my actual pleasure.”

 

 

 

 

Taehyung is rolling out his yoga mat when Drew walks in, looking every bit as breathtaking as she did in college. Her hair’s pulled up in a familiar messy bun, eyes still holding the same kindness as before. She smiles at the few others in the room as she makes her entrance before stopping abruptly as she catches sight of him. Taehyung stifles a smirk. Always good to know he can stop someone dead in their tracks. Shifting his expression to a stunned one, he says, “Oh my god, _Drew_? Drew Grayson?”

 

She blinks.

 

“Oh jesus, fancy running into you here!” He says cheerfully. “Wow, Drew, this is— hah, kinda like the first time we met each other, remember?” he asks softly, smile broadening as she draws closer. It’s a safe opening he thinks, referring to when the two had first run into each other at the university gym.

 

Drew stares. Taehyung smiles wider.

 

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

 

It’s like being hit in the face with a brick.

 

Taehyung stammers. “Drew, uh, it’s me— Kim Taehyung? From college?”

 

Her face shifts as though that struck a chord but her eyes still show no signs of recognition. “Taehyung, of course! Hey, it’s so good to see you, dude, how are you?” she asks, still looking unsure.

 

He tries again. “We… used to date?” Taehyung feels a little pathetic.

 

Drew seems to understand this and tries to look like she remembers, smiling as naturally as she can. “Aha, yeah, I remember! What a— what a wonderful surprise!” she tries, the attempt sounding flimsy even to her own ears.Taehyung's shoulders sag. He suddenly feels like an idiot, standing in a yoga studio at nine in the morning, in front of an ex-girlfriend who doesn’t even remember what his name is, let alone what he looks like.That’s enough for today, then. Time to move on before every woman in the room is eyeing him with pity.

 

Taehyung just sends her awkward finger guns in response, before bending down and moving his mat as far away from the front as he can. He might have made a miscalculation but he also paid good money to be in this session and there is no way he’s going to leave without doing some yoga, goddammit. Who knows, maybe he’ll twist his body into some unbelievable shape that’ll allow him to slowly suffocate to death instead of the embarrassment coursing through him. Wouldn’t that just be peachy?

 

Taehyung soon finds out that no, in fact, it would very much not be peachy. Nope, not one bit.

 

The one thing the receptionist had forgotten to mention was that this particular yoga session of Drew’s was only for advanced yoga practitioners. A fact Taehyung realised very quickly as the class progressed and yet refused to be intimidated by. _This is even better,_ he tells himself. Now he can contort himself into a scary, twisted shape and chase away anyone who tried to visit him. Taehyung’s mom would never come near him again and really, what could be more perfect? He could probably transform his apartment into a nice cave for a hermit like him, it’d be perfect and Taehyung would never have to emerge and interact with this cruel world again. Sounds like a great plan to him.

 

Although, of course, Jungkook wouldn’t be scared of him. His neighbour would laugh at him and make fun of him before feeling bad for him and making pancakes. Taehyung would allow Jungkook to pity him. Yoongi, though, could go shove his judgement up his ass.

 

“Um, Taehyung?” Drew’s voice interrupts his daydreaming session abruptly.

 

He looks up. “Yeah?”

 

She smiles a little. “You’ve got to bend down a little more, see? Push your butt out and completely flatten your palms against the floor. Here, arch your back a bit and just hold it for five-six breaths, yeah? I’ll keep count for you,” Drew volunteers, moving in behind him.

 

Taehyung sighs, doing exactly as she instructed. He manages to arch his back and press his palms against the floor but fucking _shit,_ it hurts like a bitch. As though she understands his pain, Drew steps in to help. He feels her hands lightly hold onto his hips, trying to keep him from ruining the posture, when it suddenly happens. She freezes, standing less than three centimetres behind him. “ _Taehyung_?” she asks.

 

“Uh, yeah?”

 

Then she, unbelievably, tightens her hold on Taehyung’s hips before asking in a high-pitched voice. “Tae? Oh my gosh, TaeTae, it’s you!”

 

Taehyung can’t fucking believe this shit. No fucking way. He straightens up quickly, cheeks furiously red as he spins around to point accusatorially at her. “Did you just recognise me by my _ass_?”

 

Drew rubs the back of her neck sheepishly. “I think the posture and your build felt kind of familiar,” she admits softly. “But yeah, mostly your ass, it’s- you always knew you had a great ass,” she hurries to add when he opens his mouth indignantly. “I used to compliment you on it all the time, remember?”

 

Taehyung struggles to reply, acutely aware that everyone else in the class is trying to hold back their giggles even as they pretend to continue the stupid exercise. Dropping his face in his hands, he almost wishes the ground would swallow him whole. Drew pats him softly, sort of understanding his pain. “You can just sit out the rest of the class if you want, babe. We can catch up after this, yeah?”

 

Taehyung shakes his head, slowly emerging and getting back in position on his mat. She smiles and squeezes his arm, before turning away to the other students, leaving him be for the rest of the class. Thankfully, the others do the same, focusing on their poses instead of on him.

 

After one particular pose makes him feel like he accidentally squeezed two bones into one, Taehyung decides maybe enough is enough. He waves at Drew and points to the small table at the back of the studio where he’s left a piece of paper with his number on it. She flashes him a thumbs up and smiles at him as he limps out, understanding he’s done for the day.

 

As Taehyung limps over to the diner, he winces. Jungkook on his own would’ve been bad enough to relate this whole incident to. Throw Yoongi in the equation? Yeah, he’s never living this one down.

 

 

 

 

“And then I asked him if he’s into animals or, like, people who have a thing for animals and he said ‘no’!” Jungkook finishes. “You know, like a liar.”

 

Yoongi grins his cute gummy smile, thoroughly pleased with this new information. Half an hour with the kid and he’d already laughed more than he has in the past week. “Speak of the devil,” he says, raising an eyebrow at someone behind Jungkook.

 

Jungkook turns around, already excited at the thought of getting to tease Taehyung with his embarrassing college stories but one look at the other man and his smile disappears. His neighbour’s walking a little weird, expression slightly pained as he makes his way over to them. “Shit, Tae, what happened? Are you hurt?” he asks, already moving out of his seat to help the other.

 

Yoongi blinks, watching in mild surprise as the kid shoots out to get to Taehyung. Huh.

 

“Ah it’s nothing big, just a muscle cramp, I think,” Taehyung says, thanking Jungkook as he helps him into the booth. He nods at Yoongi in greeting. “Besides, it’s really my pride that’s hurt worse.”

 

“Why, she reject you or something?” Jungkook asks quickly. Yoongi tilts his head. _Huh_.

 

Taehyung waves his hand, dismissing the query. “She didn’t even recognise me,” he says sadly, swiping Yoongi’s glass of iced tea. The only reason Yoongi lets him is because he's pitying the younger.  _Not_ because he's soft for Taehyung anyway. 

 

Jungkook’s eyebrows rise up. “Drew Grayson— the _one_ ex you had an amicable break up with— didn’t remember who you were?” Taehyung nods miserably, slurping up the drink.

 

Yoongi leans forward. “And?” he prompts when no one says anything for a while.

 

Taehyung looks up at him innocently. “And what? Oh, the cramp? Ah that’s fine, it’ll loosen up by tomorrow so no need to worry about that,” he says breezily.

 

Narrowing his eyes, Yoongi locks eyes with his friend. “No,” he says slowly. “What happened next? I know there's more, Taehyungie, I can sense it.”

 

The younger man laughs nervously, looking between the two others. “What? No, you’re just reading too much, I swear, that’s all that happen—”

 

“Fine, I guess I’ll just call Joohyeon and let her know that you’re not bringing a date to the wedding,” Yoongi shrugs, getting his cellphone out.

 

Taehyung scowls. “You’re bluffing.”

 

Yoongi grins sharply. “Call me out on it then, Tae.”

 

Jungkook watches the rapid-fire between the two with wide eyes and a growing sense of panic. When Taehyung still makes no move to disclose what happened, Yoongi nods. A few clicks on his screen and with the phone on loudspeaker, he presses ‘call’.

 

Jungkook’s jaw drops open. He turns to Taehyung, repeatedly smacking his arm. “Tae, goddammit, don’t be an idiot, just tell us! He’s dialled your mom!”

 

Taehyung shakes his head stubbornly. “Nothing else happened, Kook, I can’t say anything.”

 

Yoongi just rolls his eyes and a beat later, the phone vibrates, indicating the call’s been connected. “Hello?” Comes Joohyeon’s thin voice.

 

“Good morning, Joohyeon,” Yoongi chirps sweetly. “Just wanted to let you know that you might have to make a change in the invitees’ list for the wedding. Taehyung’s had a last-minute change.”

 

“ _What_?”

 

The sharp tone of voice is all the push Taehyung needs. He lunges across the table, putting the phone on mute and glaring viciously at his elder. Yoongi places his arms on the table, completely unbothered. “If you don’t share what happens with us, I’m not letting you do this, Tae,” he says evenly. “What if one of them tried something and you never told us? You’d have to go through it alone and I’m sorry but that’s not happening on my watch.”

 

Jungkook looks at him, overawed. This is... exactly how he imagined an elder brother would feel like. Taehyung seems to realise he has a point because he deflates and nods slowly. Yoongi flashes him a warm smile before unmuting the call. “Yeah, he says he isn’t bringing Zack to the wedding but he has another date.”

 

His mom sighs. “Ah, this boy, _god_.” Jungkook feels a trickle of discomfort at that and he turns away, trying to give the two some semblance of privacy.

 

“But don’t worry, he has another date,” Yoongi continues quickly. “He’s sure you’ll love this one but that’s why he wants to keep it a surprise.”

 

Joohyeon chuckles. “Alright, fine, I’ll just put it down in the roster. Thank you for informing me, honey. Say hi to Minnie and Tae for me, will you? I don’t get much time to call either of them.”

 

Taehyung scoffs and steals a pancake from Yoongi’s plate. Jungkook only hesitates for a moment before squeezing his shoulder in an attempt to reassure him. Taehyung throws him a grateful look.The gesture doesn’t go unnoticed by Yoongi and he distractedly answers her before hanging up. “So,” he looks expectantly at Taehyung.

 

Taehyung sighs and closes his eyes. “So. Drew didn’t remember who I was and she literally forgot that we used to date and then I decided to become a hermit because that would be better than the embarrassment I was feeling but then fifteen minutes into the practice, she made us get on all fours— sort of— and stood behind me to help out and when she grabbed my hips, it felt so familiar to her that she suddenly remembered everything about me, right from my name to my ass,” he finishes in one breath. “We good?”

 

There’s a beat of silence before Yoongi and Jungkook snort into laughter, trying (and failing) to suppress their amusement. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up, assholes.”

 

“I’m s— sorry,” Jungkook chokes. “But it’s even funnier because somehow, I don’t _feel_ surprised about any of this.”

 

Yoongi wipes his eyes. “You’ve gotta feel a little bit proud, Tae,” he consoles, still grinning widely. “Sex with you must be a religious experience if it cured a girl’s amnesia.” The two idiots burst out laughing again and Taehyung rolls his eyes, kicking at them till they sober up.

 

“Wait so, after she finally recognised you, did you ask her out?” Jungkook asks, getting back on track. His voice sounds casual but looking a little closer, Yoongi can see the twitches in his facial expressions. 

 

Taehyung shakes his head, politely calling for the waitress. “It felt too…weird and friendly. I don’t think I could start liking her like that again. Time for the next one on the list, I guess.”

 

“Aw, kitten,” Jungkook teases, receiving a punch for his efforts. He’s more relaxed now, smile more honest. “I’m so sorry but hey, at least, you could try and be friends, right?” He doesn't seem too bummed, Yoongi notes, as Jungkook plays with Taehyung’s hair, trying to cheer him up. Shouldn’t he feel at least a little disappointed for Taehyung’s sake, if he really is as invested in this plan as the other man?

 

Yoongi watches as Jungkook whispers something into Taehyung’s ear and the latter chuckles despite himself, smacking Jungkook’s arm. The younger boy grins at the other’s gesture, smiling widely as Taehyung places his order and gets Jungkook a milkshake with an exasperated eyeroll.

 

Something about this doesn’t add up. There’s something in their interactions and Yoongi can’t help but feel like he knows what it is.

 

Still, when in doubt, always ask an elder, right?So Yoongi takes out his phone, swiping to get to his messages. He doesn’t assume he’ll get any actual help from the guy, but trying never hurts.

 

 **Me** : hyung.

 

 **Me** : about jungkook and taehyung

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : FCUKING RIGHT???

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : LIKE THE SEXUAL TENSION IS SKY HIGH SOMETIMES BUT SO IS THE FLUFF????

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : ARE THEY TRYING TO BE SOFT OR GIVE EACH OTHE RA BONER I CAN’T DECISE

 

 **Me** : …i was going to say they seem awfully close for two people who met only a week or two ago

 

 **Me** : but yeah, your rant works too.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : BOY YOU SHOLD’VE SEEN THE NUMBER OF OBJECTIONS THAT TWINK TRIED TO RAISE TO STOP TAE FROM GOING TO TRY WITH DREW

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : LIKE??? JUST FACE YOUR FEELINGS U COCONUT????

 

 **Me** : hyung he’s just a kid.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Oh great and now you’re soft for another baby, perfect

 

 **Me** : i’m not soft for jungkook-ah.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Quit lying that’s what you said about jiminnie and tae

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : And now you’re _marrying_ one of them while the other is basically your baby brother

 

 **Me** : you really want to attack me when we could be talking about the tentative feelings brewing between these two idiots?

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : I know you’re just trying to get me off-track but I’ll allow it since I’m curious

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Also, side note, but isn’t kookie the nicest guy tae’s found? Like, apart from… _H_ _im™_ , this is the probably the best guy tae’s ever picked up on his own.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Lol it’s been a looooong time since he found a decent partner

 

 **Me** : hyung. kook and tae aren’t a thing.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Not yet, sure.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : But take one look at them right now and tell me they won’t be a couple eventually. The dumbest to ever exist, sure, but yeah

 

Yoongi looks up. Jungkook and Taehyung are having a stare-off contest, one hand each wrestling for the plate of fries that just arrived.

 

“I’m younger!”

 

“I’m hotter.”

 

“And _yet_ Drew had to look at your ass to recognise you,” Jungkook shoots back.

 

Taehyung gasps in outrage. “I am injured, you coconut, how _dare_ you attack me,” Taehyung spits out and Jungkook growls.

 

“You’re being annoying, _stop_.”

 

“Right back at you,” Taehyung singsongs beatifically.

 

Jungkook scowls. “Alright, _fine._ We can share but when we get back, you’re letting me see if the cramp is anything serious,” Jungkook bargains. Yoongi is sure his friend is going to turn it down, what with his lifelong shyness about stripping even a layer down for strangers; but to his surprise, Taehyung just considers the proposition for a second before nodding enthusiastically. The two of them shake their hands and dig in, shovelling the fries in their mouths. One offhand remark about ketchup from Jungkook and Taehyung is launching into another one of his famous rants as the younger idiot listens seriously, nodding along.

 

Yoongi stares.

 

 **Me** : oh shit hyung

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Yep.

 

 **Me** : no no no hyung, this is bad.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : I know, they’re like Dumb and Dumber.

 

 **Me** : i’m soft for _both_ of them, this is very, very bad.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Well good news for you, i don’t think they’re going to sort out their feelings anytime soon

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Till then, enjoy your brief period of peace, yoongi-ah

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : This is going to be a fun ride Ψ( ●｀▽´● )Ψ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i googled 8512340 images of jungoo for this chapter, I kid you not
> 
> hi hello I am back. prepare yourselves for another long author's note lol.
> 
> so this is late but I also decided not to feel bad about it bc of the fact that it's one of my (if not _the_ ) longest updates I've posted- 8.6k words is a lot so I'm sorry if this is late but I'm mostly happy with this chapter and I don't want to feel guilty :// I enjoyed writing this one a lot but I haven't proofread it bc I was getting antsy and I just wanted to post it to feel productive so I'm going to edit this a little bit later ^-^
> 
> with that in mind, I kinda have a question- would y’all like regular updates that aren’t longer than 2.5k-3k or updates that take me a while but are around 5k-6k? please let me know in the comments!!!! you'd be helping me a lot.
> 
> now, if you read the notes on my last chapter, you would know that I'm in a not-so-good place with money bc I was the victim of a bank fraud scheme. I'm down on something equivalent to $220 and am desperately looking for any editing or proofreading job that I can bag. if you know of anything that could help me, it'd mean the world to me! I'm also down to ghostwrite essays for school or edit them :) so far, I don't have much but any ideas or options you could connect me to would be great. 
> 
> I'm also going to start commissions, so if you'd like a fic written for you, you can let me know! I'm planning on posting details later on with the next chapter or on my [tumblr](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com) so please look out for that too! it's definitely not going to be anything expensive but maybe $7 for an 8k fic or something? idk, I haven't decided yet but it would be great if you considered it and spread the word!
> 
> finally, about this chapter, phew- this was a really long one but I had a lot of fun with it and I really liked making yoongi and jungoo interact the way they did, hehehe (jungoo is a baby when it comes to his hyungs, fite me)  
> the person at the end was, ofc, jin and he's a huge taekook shipper ;)  
> please let me know what you thought of this chapter and I'd be happy to talk and yell about bts on my [tumblr](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com) so join me there! also, I'm making moodboards for this fic on Instagram! my handle is 'roseokssi' so feel free to check them out :D
> 
> lastly, thank you for readin :D have a great day! <333


	8. Kim Taehyung & One Goddamn Muscle Cramp.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Me** : hyung. 
> 
> **Me** : we may have an upcoming situation. 
> 
> **Me** : i don’t think jungkook knows how whipped he is. 
> 
> **Me** : remember jimin and me in college? 
> 
> **Me** : this is _worse_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU’RE NOT HALLUCINATING KIDS IT’S REAL  
> This is an actual update after months of nada :)
> 
> all of y’all were actual angels about me ghosting this fic for months and for that, I am _infinitely_ grateful, y’all the best  <3  
>   
> so obviously since I love you guys from the bottom of my big old heart, I decided to just throw in both the options voted on last chapter! there were too many votes for both options and tbh I’d have fkn guilt tripped myself so much if I just picked one uGH and ofc shoutout to everyone (especially yellow sunshine) for the wonderful ideas you guys gave me to craft the beginning <3
> 
> but yeah!!! have some piggyback!tae and bad driver!jimin!!! I know it’s not even remotely a long update but I just kept deleting everything I wrote and I needed to get this out so I could start working on it properly again :) I also hate this chapter the most bc I think it’s really disappointing??? But please give me a pass this once haha I really tried :/ and please refresh your memories by rereading the last chapter if you need to, I know I was gone for a long time!
> 
> also!!! super imp announcement at the end of this chapter so please, please, please make sure you read and respond!!! it’ll be so great if you do <3
> 
> and now…  
> without further ado,  
> I present to you,  
> the peak examples of  
> Dumb Bitch Energy™!!!!

“Is there a reason we’re watching two idiots struggle down the road instead of giving them a ride?” Yoongi asks his fiancé, already expecting to be hushed.

 

As predicted, there’s a fierce ‘shh’ from Jimin and Seokjin and he sits back in his seat with a disgruntled huff. “You’re driving so slow, Jimin, can’t we at least go a little faster?” Yoongi whines.

 

“And completely shoot past Taehyung piggybacking Jungkook?” Seokjin asks disbelievingly. “Um how about fuck no.”

 

“But it’s Taehyung’s fault they’re walking in the first place! He’s the one that wanted to avoid telling Jimin about the embarrassing mess-up with Drew or whoever she was,” Yoongi grumbles, recalling how the younger boy had feigned pain in his cramp to get Jungkook to carry him to the subway station. Just to prevent feeling embarrassed. In front of his brother, of all people. Yoongi really doesn’t get the guy sometimes.

 

“Yoongi, I swear to God, if you don’t quit whining, Jungkook’s going to have another person to carry very soon.”

 

“Hey, you weren’t even supposed to be here, Jin hyung, I only called Jimin to come pick us up.”

 

Seokjin twists around in the passenger seat to glare at him. “Yeah I know and I am honestly _heartbroken_ that you didn’t even think to ask me to stalk the kids with you.”

 

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “For the fourteenth time in the same minute, hyung, I called Jimin to drive us back to Tae’s because he has a cramp and won’t let Jungkook or me drive his car. That’s not called stalking, alright?”

 

“We’re literally slow driving behind the two of them walking along cluelessly on the street. Pretty sure most people would call that stalking but okay Yoongi, whatever helps you sleep easy.”

 

“This is not helping me sleep easy!” Yoongi groans. “This is the exact opposite of helping me sleep easy! Let’s just honk at them till they get in the car and we can go faster!”

 

“Babe,” Jimin speaks up finally, getting tired of their back and forth. “Can you just…let us investigate Tae’s alliance with Jungkook in peace for five more minutes? Just five, I promise and then we’ll zoom home.”

 

Yoongi grumbles some more but settles down in the backseat grumpily, watching with Seokjin and Jimin as the two younger ones struggle down the footpath, avoiding rain puddles as best they can. “This is… a lot of effort for just escaping the burn of inevitable embarrassment,” Jimin remarks finally. “Even for Tae.”

 

Seokjin shrugs. “Maybe he just wanted to climb Jungkook in any capacity possible.” Both Yoongi and Jimin choke violently at that, the latter hitting the brakes with a loud screech that calls attention to them from pedestrians even three blocks away. Exactly what they need. Perfect.

 

“Good job, Minnie,” Yoongi mutters, looking on in resignation as Jungkook slowly turns around with Taehyung on his back to find the three of them in the car directly behind him. The producer waves jauntily out of the window at them. “Need a ride?”

 

There’s only a moment of stillness before Jungkook is grinning as he lumbers over, despite his passenger’s vigorous attempts to turn him around. “ _Gladly_. It might not seem like it but this guy here is no feather,” he snickers for a moment before wincing when Taehyung digs his heels into the younger’s sides. “Ow, Tae!”

 

Taehyung blinks innocently. “I swear that wasn’t me, my muscles just randomly spazzed.”

 

“Liar,” Jungkook scoffs, dumping him in the car before getting in himself. “I want to say I didn’t expect you guys catch up to us so quickly but I absolutely did, so— oh hey Jimin, hi Jin, nice to see you two again.”

 

“And you, Hot Blowjob Twink, good to catch you again,” Seokjin grins, turning entirely around in his seat to wink at Jungkook. “Your muscles look extra beautiful today.”

 

“Why thank you, good sir, I watered them myself,” Jungkook laughs, getting a snort in response. “Wait, I thought only Jimin was close by, how come y— oh whoa, are we— sorry, um Jimin, are you going over the speed limit?” He asks, noticing how the car’s suddenly picked up speed.

 

“Yeah, we were just going slowly to keep pace with you earlier,” Jimin answers distractedly, settling the rearview mirror to inspect his hair, attention visibly slipping from the roads.

 

“Um,” Jungkook says, turning to Taehyung with wide eyes as they swerve dangerously around a corner.

 

Taehyung sighs. Sometimes he wishes that Jimin wasn’t so good at winning people over and charming their pants off so that way at least one of them would have earned their license the fair way. Telling Jungkook this only worsens matters, though, because he instantly jumps up (well, as much as you can in a car), panicking loudly. “You’re telling me your brother got his license by batting his eyelashes at some perv? What? _The actual fuck_?”

 

Taehyung pats his head sympathetically. “It’s okay, Kook. With Jimin, there’s a fifty/fifty chance of reaching your destination twenty minutes faster or speed landing in heaven because of a really good-looking driver and so far, my luck’s carried me through— so don’t worry, we’re fine!”

 

Jungkook gapes at him.

 

Jimin takes advantage of the momentary silence and dives in. “So Tae,” he grins knowingly at the younger’s groan. Taehyung knows what’s coming next and it’s frankly too early in the morning for this ribbing session. “What went down with Drew, do tell.”

 

“You know damn well what happened,” he growls. “I’m sure Yoongi hyung snitched on me very happily.”

 

“It wasn’t snitching!”

 

Seokjin hums. “Yeah it was but anyway, we want to hear it from _you_ , Tae.”

 

“Mhmm, yeah, tell us what the experience taught you,” Jimin singsongs cheerfully, using the same tone he does when preschoolers come to meet his EMT team in the hospital and ask endless questions.

 

(Taehyung’s fingers itch to wrap around his neck and maybe secure a moment or two of peace to break away from the turbulence of his morning.) As though sensing his murderous thoughts, Jungkook reaches out and squeezes his arm reassuringly. Taehyung isn’t sure whether that was prompted by the desire to prevent a car crash or just a genuine attempt to comfort him but as it happens, Taehyung’s irritation melts at the gesture. He suppresses a smile.

 

“Jimin, in case you didn’t know, I’m in the midst of a very bad muscle cramp and fairly prone to kicking people involuntarily.” He demonstrates by shooting his leg out to poke Jimin in the side. Jimin yelps, the car veers into a different lane and there’s an instant chorus of ‘ _Taehyung, you bitch!_ ’ and ‘ _I will_ yeet _your sorry ass out of this vehicle’_. Taehyung settles back with a smile. “See? So I’d appreciate if you didn’t bother me too much, please and thank you.”

 

Yoongi glares at him viciously. “Endanger my life like that again and they’ll never find your body.”

 

Jimin waves off his fiancé. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m better at this driving thing than Tae, trust me. I’d never let you die.” Yoongi smiles at the back of Jimin’s seat. “But you never know, so just hold on to the handle up there, yeah?” Yoongi’s smile drops and the other three fail to stifle unattractive snorts, giggling softly.

 

The rest of the ride goes in pretty much a similar fashion, Jungkook clinging to Taehyung as the latter bickers with Jimin and Seokjin about everything under the sun. Yoongi tells him lowly, in between violent speed bumps, that it’s a standard Taehyung thing and Jungkook grins. “Oh believe me, I know. I spent a lot of ‘tracking-exes-down’ time just listening to him blabber about the JonBenét Ramsey murder theories.”

 

Yoongi blinks. Looks at the boy blissfully chattering to the two in the front. “ _Voluntarily_?”

 

Jungkook shrugs. “It’s just…endearing in a way, I guess? I don’t know, I just think it’s hilarious and kinda impressive that he has an opinion on everything, no matter how farfetched.”

 

 _You really do lose people to insanity sometimes._ Yoongi tries to smile at him and Jungkook cheerfully returns it before tuning back to listen to his neighbour. Yoongi takes out his phone slowly.

 

 **Me** : hyung.

 

 **Me** : we may have an upcoming situation.

 

 **Me** : i don’t think jungkook knows how whipped he is.

 

 **Me** : remember jimin and me in college?

 

 **Me** :this is _worse._

 

Seokjin turns around slightly to throw him a dirty glare. 

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Number one, _nothing_ is ever going to be as bad as you and jimin in college.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** :Pretty sure that’s a legacy freshmen will talk about years from now.

 

 **dramakhaleesi** : Number two, quit talking to Jungkook, _I_ wanna talk to him! You can’t just hog him!

 

Yoongi rolls his eyes and locks his phone. No one’s going to see it coming when this whole thing spirals into an even bigger fuckup and _he’ll_ have to be there to clean it all up. Before he can start pondering it in further detail, though, Jimin pulls sharply into the side lane of Taehyung’s street, making them all grab for a handhold.

 

“Ugh, congratulations Jimin, you just gave a healthy, grown man motion sickness,” Jungkook says as he staggers out of the car. Jimin just laughs, following him out. “There’s worse things you could get, Jungkookie, especially when you hang around with Tae this much.” Taehyung scowls, getting up on Jungkook’s back again with narrowed eyes.

 

It’s only as they’re all headed to the lobby’s lift that Seokjin drags Yoongi to back of the group with a suspicious smile on his face. “So…what’d you think?” Yoongi stares at him blankly.“Don’t play dumb Yoongi, it only suits Taehyung. Now quick before they pay attention to us— what’d you think of Jungkook? Ooh and Jungkook with Taehyung, what do you think about that?”

 

“Once again. What.”

 

“Well considering you’re normally so protective of Tae, I just figured you’d scope out his next lover thoroughly before giving your approval and all, you know?”

 

If there’s a world record for making people choke with a few choice words, Yoongi thinks (in the midst of a violent coughing fit), Kim Seokjin deserves it. “I’m sorry, did you just say _lover_?” He hisses quietly once he recovers, getting into the elevator with the others still distractedly bickering between themselves.

 

“Yeah,” Seokjin whispers back. “You said it yourself, the guy’s whipped.”

 

“I didn’t mean that they’d end up together, _jesus christ,_ Jin _._ ”

 

“Well, then what ‘situation’ were you so worried about, you tomato peel?”

 

Yoongi gestures lamely, hunting for something. “Just…you know— hoping he won’t end up hurting Taehyung or…something, I guess?”

 

Seokjin stares at him flatly. “Look at the three of them.” Yoongi obeys, turning his gaze to the three younger ones. “Now tell me, between Taehyung and Jungkook and _you_ and Jimin, which pair looks like a happy, high school couple?”

 

Yoongi takes a moment to look at Taehyung playfully wiggling around in Jungkook’s hold while the latter pretends to be upset about it, reaching back to tickle him mercilessly. Then he looks at Jimin, very clearly eyeing the two with one eyebrow raised cynically. Yoongi looks at Seokjin. “Um.”

 

The elder smiles serenely. “Exactly,” he says, floating out after the others as the doors open. “Watch this magic happen, Yoongi-ah~”

 

Yoongi sighs. Sometimes, all you can do is hope for the best.

 

-*-

 

“Wait so now that Drew also didn’t work out, what’s next?”

 

The five of them are lounging on Taehyung’s couch, watching some unknown romcom on the television as Jimin turns to ask him the question. Seokjin’s bought some nachos, Taehyung’s applied pain relief ointment to his cramp and the lights are sufficiently dimmed for a rainy movie day. Even Yoongi seems satisfied— a rare occurrence, Jungkook is informed.

 

Taehyung shrugs, eyes glued to the screen. “Ask the boss, he’s the one who assigns people to me.”

 

“Ha ha, you’re very funny,” Jungkook deadpans. “What if I told you I don’t have anyone else yet?”

 

Taehyung side-eyes him. “I have more confidence in you and your abilities than to fall for that, Kook.” Yoongi and Seokjin exchange loaded glances. “Anyway, you might as well go ahead and tell me now so that Yoongi hyung can get done with his stupid I-know-whether-that-guy-is-good-for-you routine as soon as possible.” Jungkook chuckles.

 

“It’s some dude named Yongjin, I think. High school salsa teacher by day, and a restaurant manager by night.”

 

Jimin whips around to stare at Jungkook. “Shut up,” he whispers disbelievingly.

 

“What?”

 

“Oh my god, are you pulling my leg right now?”

 

“Dude, why would I even—”

 

“ _Bang Yongjin_? Soft auburn hair, really strong jawline and he’s always wearing an ugly-expensive sweater?”

 

Jungkook blinks. “The very one.”

 

“Taehyung, you hypocrite, I thought you said you never dated him!”

 

“I didn’t!” Taehyung mumbles, withering under his brother’s stare. “Okay, I did a little bit, but it wasn’t a big deal, okay? Only for two-three weeks and then he moved, so—”

 

“Um, someone care to fill us in?” Seokjin butts in, looking extremely unhappy about not being in the loop. Jimin pats his head. “Bang Yongjin was this really good-looking fuckboy in high school, just breaking everyone’s heart left, right and centre,” he explains. “Taehyung and I both had a crush on him but once we heard about how manipulative he could be, we decided to let it go. But apparently, _someone_ couldn’t keep their grabby hands off the jock.”

 

Taehyung scoffs. “First of all, I didn’t start it and even then, it was only because you’d started working in that college cafe and met Yoongi already! Anyway, I don’t think you can really call it dating. Considering he only texted me for booty calls." Jimin raises an eyebrow at him pointedly. "Alright when I say it like that, I can hear it too. But really, it's okay, this time will be different!”

 

Jungkook looks between Jimin and Taehyung, resolution flickering. “Maybe it’s best if we give this one a skip, Tae.”

 

Taehyung whines. “No, it’ll be alright! I promise!”

 

“How do you know he won’t just take what he wants and leave you once he’s had his fun?" Seokjin throws up his hands.

 

“I’m going to be careful!”

 

“Yeah?” Yoongi asks. “What about the responsibility that comes with being with someone who influences children and teenagers? Are you ready for that?”

 

Taehyung frowns. “What? That doesn’t even make—”

 

“And what if you manage to fall under his spell again and can’t see when he’s obviously just pulling you around to entertain himself?” Jimin questions. Jungkook nods seriously. All of the raised points sound legit. Except maybe Mr. Min's. (But he’s not going to say that out loud.)

 

Taehyung groans into a cushion. “I promise I will be fine,” comes his muffled voice. “Besides, I’m only meeting him and trying to see what vibe we have going on! I’m not getting engaged or anything.”

 

“Could you imagine,” Seokjin mutters, making the other three snicker. 

 

Taehyung points at them.“I got this, okay? For real.”

 

Jungkook looks at Jimin, eyes asking for permission. The latter shrugs. “Okay sure. But if anything feels wrong, we’re pulling you out. Instantly.”

 

Taehyung nods happily, turning back to the screen with a bright grin. Jungkook glares at him when he suddenly starts wiggling around. “Stop squirming, Tae,” he whisper-yells, grabbing the other’s neck and squeezing it in a careless move. Immediately, Taehyung goes boneless, posture slumping as his body relaxes. “Um…what are you doing?”

 

“Mmmmffffuck off, I have knots… back very taut,” Taehyung mumbles back, clearly enjoying the firm massaging grip. Jungkook rolls his eyes fondly as he starts pressing and kneading the kinks out. “Hnnngh yoga very bad.”

 

Jungkook laughs quietly. “No, Taehyung, yoga is actually very good for your body; you're just a little sore because it’s your first day.”

 

Taehyung hums again, clearly having lost interest in defending his argument, and leans his head back. Jungkook ruffles his hair sweetly and continues massaging the other till his shoulders are entirely devoid of knots; he moves lower, fingers deftly pressing into the other's torso’s muscles and suddenly, Taehyung lets out a soft moan as the tension loosens noticeably.

 

Both of them freeze, the screen in front of them blasting some sappy romance number as the hero realises he’s in love, not knowing how to react/proceed. Jungkook recovers first and he doesn’t say anything, just hesitantly puts his hands back on the other’s torso, continuing the massage as their friends watch the movie, unaware of what just transpired. Taehyung doesn’t say anything about it either and for the rest of the massage, he’s mostly silent except for when Jungkook manages to get a good area and then he can’t help but let out soft pants of relief.

 

They both pretend to ignore those.

 

By the time lunch time rolls around, Seokjin and Yoongi are passed out on top of each other and Jimin is mindlessly scrolling through delivery apps, trying to pick something to get delivered. Jungkook and Taehyung settle down on either side of him, subconsciously putting as much distance as possible between them. “You kids think Indian’s okay for lunch, right?” They nod, still not making eye contact. “Great, I’m going to go call them, you two can set out the plates. Taehyung, do it _now_ , please and thank you.” He steps primly over the centre table, voice filling up the balcony as he exits the room to start ordering.

 

There's a moment of awkward silence before Jungkook breaks it hesitantly. “So, um, since you’re still injured you can just…rest here,” he says without looking at his neighbour. “I know where everything is at this point so I can just do it by myself.”

 

Taehyung purses his lips and nods, cheeks filled with red. “Yeah yeah, that would be— thank you, that’s great, mmhm.”

 

The younger boy smiles a little at him and gets up, crossing the kitchen ~~with his thick, strong thighs~~.

 

Taehyung stares after him for only a second or two before catching himself in the act with a degree of horror. No fucking way is he going to be lusting after Jungkook, of all people. Nope. He’s only here to help Taehyung with a job and that’s it, they’re done with their deal, then. Good, strong, professional dynamic. That’s all.

 

Taehyung gives himself a pep talk for five more minutes and he’s pretty confident it’s working till Jungkook walks back in, sending him a quick smile before turning to the shelves. Taehyung’s stupid answering smile lights up his face even though the other isn’t even looking at him and before he knows it, he’s face planting himself into the seat of the couch.

 

Because more confusion about cute boys is exactly what he needs in his life right now. Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihihi, I hope you liked that snldefjnf  
> rghhha sorry I know my writing was disappointing since I haven’t worked on this story for so long but I promise I’m going to warm up and get better!
> 
> and with that, I’d like to announce— I am a broke ass bitch!!! :D  
> in case you didn’t know, my financial situation is a lot-tle bit shitty, I am still broke but finally prepared to change that!
> 
> Which is why, I’m officially opening up (really cheap) commissions! I’m a little nervous but yeah, this is winter break and I don’t have an internship this time around so I will be writing a lot more and you’d help me out so much by just commissioning even one fic :) I made a post with all the details [here ](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com/post/181719323354/fic-commissions)so please check it out and help if you can! If you’re also a broke bitch like me, no biggie, just signal boost, please, I’ll be so grateful :)
> 
> For those of you without a Tumblr, here’s the gist of it: (you can comment to ask for more details!)  
> Basically I’m going to be writing 3k word fics for $3 or if it’s just a tiny 1-1.5k word drabble maybe just $1 lol. it’s really affordable (i think???) so please do send in commissions and we can talk things out over email or Tumblr DMs! I’m pretty much open to all the ships in a lot of fandoms, I just refuse to write anything triggering or too dark, sorry :/
> 
> of course, there’s no pressure at all, this will not impact my writing this fic and others in any way :) if you did it though, it would just help me live easier, is all. so yeah, please consider helping me out, and tell your friends about it! you can also visit my kofi page @roseokssi if you'd like!
> 
> and ofc, let me know what you think about the update (*-*)
> 
> PS: PLEASE DON’T DRIVE LIKE JIMIN OR ME PLEASE BE SAFE THNANK YOU


	9. Kim Taehyung & A Soft Musician.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung wrinkles his nose. “Stop calling it that.”
> 
> “Stop putting all my mail in 4A’s postbox,” Jungkook shoots back. “I know it’s you who keeps doing it and I honestly don’t know what I did to you that warranted such a miserable punishment.”
> 
> “Wait,” Taehyung frowns. “You don’t like talking to her?”
> 
> Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Would you like going to return mail to one of your exes, knowing they’d highkey flirt with you every single time you had to do it?”
> 
> “Oh come on, you can’t compare my exes to Mila!”
> 
> Jungkook pauses to think. “You’re right, actually. Mila isn’t an outright douchebag every time I go to talk to her.”
> 
> Taehyung kicks him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I spent three actual hours just going through the entire fic to see how I can improve this and later chapters and I genuinely spent a lot of effort on this chapter, am fairly proud of it so please don’t let this flop like the last update dkshnjsh  
> let me know if you like it please! Validation is all my nutrition! literally haha bc a bitch skips meals!

“Really Jungkook, you don’t have to do this. He’s pretty comfortable right now, trust me.”

 

Jungkook just waves off Jimin’s protests, bending down to scoop a snoring Taehyung up in his arms. “It’s just till his bedroom, Jimin, relax.” He huffs, bouncing the other boy slightly to settle him securely on his hips. “Besides, I think it’s a little late to protest for my tired muscles’ sake, considering you let me trek down two blocks with this guy on my back, don’t you think?” he smiles cheerfully, making his way to Taehyung’s bed. Jimin coughs loudly, turning away to clear the takeout plates. “Point taken,” he murmurs sheepishly.

 

The sleeping boy is oblivious to their banter, muttering incoherently before collapsing back in soft snores against Jungkook’s neck. He smiles fondly. Hard to believe this guy’s supposed to be a corporate finance worker when he’s sluggishly clinging onto his body and mumbling in his sleep about ‘Fran Sancisco’. _What a noob_.

 

Gently, he lays Taehyung down on the bed, freezing when the other boy lightly grabs his hand. “Wh’re you,” he yawns, mostly sleep-talking. Jungkook snickers. Taehyung’s fun to be around, even in his sleep. “Wh’are you…doin’ Kookmppff…”

 

He isn’t sure if the other boy trailed off hoping for an answer but hey, replying softly won’t hurt, right? “Putting you to bed, kitten, you’re really tired,” he whispers back, mostly sure that Taehyung won’t object to the nickname in this state. ~~And, you know, _maybe_ it isn’t _just_ about teasing the guy anymore.~~ Sure enough, the other boy doesn’t call him out on it, asleep and incoherent.

 

“M’have to write…” Taehyung mumbles so lowly that Jungkook has to strain his ears to catch it. “Jmimin speech…”

 

Jungkook isn’t sure what Taehyung’s talking about but it’s clearly something important he has to do if he’s sleep-talking about it. He makes a mental note to remind the guy when he’s conscious. (Who knows, it might just be another thing Taehyung might need help with.) Shaking his head, Jungkook decides to leave that thought for later and quietly unfolds a blanket over his neighbour. “Sleep tight, buddy,” he whispers, smiling softly when Taehyung snuggles up cutely inside the blanket. 

 

Jungkook sighs as he draws the curtains and leaves the room. He _really_ needs to figure out when he got so soft for the other boy.

 

When he emerges from the bedroom, Yoongi and Seokjin are both busy tapping away on their phones furiously and the table’s been cleared completely. Huh. “So,” he says awkwardly, realising he has no reason to hang around anymore. “I guess— I’ll see you guys later, yeah?”

 

“Or you could just hang out with us for a bit,” Seokjin suggests, before miraculously looking up from his screen with a smirk. “Unless you have a strict only-hang-with-Taehyung policy.”

 

Jungkook sputters. “Of course not! I can hang out with you, no problem.”

 

Seokjin smiles sweetly. “How wonderful. Did you know Taehyung bought a copy of my favourite game a couple weeks ago?” Jungkook blinks, unsure of where this is going. “You any good at gaming?”

 

Jimin groans but the youngest just slowly grins, gleefully skidding over to his neighbour’s television to set the game up. “Not to brag, Jin, but I kinda feel like I could beat an old man at any game, with both eyes closed.”

 

The CEO’s face breaks into an offended look and before Jimin can jump in to call off any challenges, he’s bursting out in loud(ish) Korean rants at an amused Jungkook as he scrolls through the character choices. Soon enough, his attention is sucked into the game as it starts up, dedicated to crushing Jungkook as quickly and brutally as possible, slipping into muttered swears every now and then. Jungkook laughs, enjoying the aggressive agitation with which he’s attacked, even though Jin turns out to be surprisingly good at kicking his ass (he’s lowkey surprised at how strategic the other’s plays are).

 

From the corner of his eyes, Jungkook sees Jimin huff as he realises there doesn’t seem to be any point in interrupting their game or disturbing Yoongi from his phone. He smirks as the nurse rolls his eyes, settling down between the two gamers to distract himself. (But mostly the the other two.)

 

By the time they get through the first two rounds, the light outside has dimmed and both the players are more than a tad bit irritable. “Shouldn’t you be working on some bullshit wedding prep?” Seokjin grumbles, having lost a crucial point because of Jimin’s relentless commentary. Jungkook agrees as they take a quick water break; he himself just narrowly avoided getting shot in those last five minutes. Who knew Jimin could be so good at distraction?

 

It’s probably because of all the experience he got distracting Taehyung, Jungkook thinks. He recalls Taehyung telling him that Jimin was one of his only friends in middle school, always trying to get him to go out with other friends and socialise. Jungkook snorts at the idea of a Taehyung who was once anti-social and shy; _god_ , he must’ve been an adorable kid but he still can’t begin to imagine what that would have been like. He much prefers this current, rambling version who chats with the strangers’ dogs.

 

“—also, Yoongi won’t pay attention to me!” Jimin is whining when Jungkook tunes into the conversation again. “And I need his help to finalise a couple of things so really, if there’s someone you’d like to be annoyed at, Jin hyung, you should head to that man over there.” He gestures at Yoongi who’s glaring into his phone screen with furrowed brows. Jungkook looks on in fascination.

 

“Ugh, you’re both so annoying,” Seokjin groans, grabbing a cushion to yeet it at Yoongi. “Collect your man, Yoongi, he won’t fucking let us play in peace and I’m _this_ close to kicking Jungkookie’s ass and making him cry.”

 

Jungkook scoffs, ignoring the traitorous voice in his head that tells him the elder is almost entirely right.

 

“I’m busy, hyung,” the producer mutters without even looking up from his phone.

 

The other two eye him suspiciously and Jungkook quickly steps in before things get physical in the name of ‘checking whether he’s actually busy’. “Guy _s,_ I’m sure Mr. Min must have a million things to handle, between the wedding and the company, let’s just let him be, okay?” At the formal mention of his name, Yoongi confusedly looks up from what is clearly an Instagram hacks page open on his phone and Jimin sniggers as it comes into their view. “Oh yeah, he’s _so_ busy, Kook.”

 

Yoongi flushes. “Shut up, these hacks are going to help me pack for the honeymoon, alright?”

 

“That’s the sorriest lie you’ve ever told yourself, babe. And I’m including a _lot_ of past examples when I say that.”

 

“I also told myself proposing to _you_ was a good idea,” Yoongi mutters and there’s an instant ‘ooh’ from both Seokjin and Jungkook as he realises the cost of this particular comeback. Jimin raises his eyebrows. “I’m sorry, honey— _what did you say_?”

 

Yoongi winces. _Not good, not good, not good._ “I didn’t—”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Jimin, not like— I mean, obviously, it was just a jo—I was just sassing back!” He tries, stammering to convince the other boy. “Come on, you know I didn’t mean it like that, I was just…you know, yeah.”

 

Jimin waits for a few beats before breaking into a cute smile. “Of course I know you didn’t mean it, babe,” Yoongi deflates in relief and Jungkook and Seokjin exchange confused glances. _That’s it?_ That’s a milder outburst than they were expect—

 

“And since you’re so sorry, you can be on cake testing duty with Jin and Joon hyung, right?”

 

Yoongi freezes, realising the horrible punishment he’s just been subjected to. “You are the absolute devil,” he whispers slowly, eyes sparking with betrayal.

 

“Sorry? Did you say no, that you want to sleep on the couch till the wedding day?”

 

Yoongi grits his teeth. Jimin smiles beatifically. Jungkook almost wants to get popcorn to see who wins this beautiful battle of wills. (Unsurprisingly,) Yoongi caves. “Of course I’d love to go cake-testing with the grossest couple in our entire friend group. Anything for you, Jimin.”

 

“Wonderful,” Jimin clasps his hands together while Seokjin lets out an affronted ‘hey!’. “Very nice of you to take on this challenging responsibility, babe, I’m loving this proactive side of you, really.” 

 

Jungkook and Seokjin’s sniggers turn into half disgusted stares as Jimin slinks over to Yoongi to press a quick soothing kiss to his cheek as they make up. “Some people are so whipped, it’s disgustingly cute, right?” he whispers to Seokjin, somehow unable to take his eyes off the way Jimin charmingly disarms Yoongi’s disgruntled mechanisms.

 

He entirely misses Seokjin’s pointed look directed at him. “Absolutely,” the eldest says, voice loaded with implication that flies high above Jungkook’s head. “Undoubtedly disgusting, Jungkook.”

 

“Do you also have something to work on for the wedding?” He asks Seokjin, finally tearing his eyes away from the now-smiling couple. “A speech or a dance or something?”

 

Seokjin just snorts. “If Jimin asked me to dance at his wedding, you’d best believe he’s planning on running _far_ away while I terrify the guests.” A surprised snort escapes Jungkook. “Finally something you don’t claim to be perfect at.”

 

Seokjin sniffs. “I’m a CEO, Jungkookie, I know when not to push at my limitations.” Jungkook grins. “But no, I don’t have anything too heavy to do before the actual wedding day, thank fuck. Since Tae’s the best man, he’s the one in charge of dealing with the speech and the venue and the other stuff.”

 

“Jimin trusted him with a role of large-scale responsibility?” Jungkook whistles. “I see he doesn’t possess your risk assessment skills.”

 

Seokjin laughs. “Interesting you should say that because Jimin was the one who appointed Taehyung his best man. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. It was a whole thing, you should’ve been there to see it, man. Lots of fun.”

 

Jungkook swallows around the sudden feeling of having missed out. “Yeah?”

 

Seokjin nods. “It was a lot of drama, but good fun. You never get bored watching the brothers, really. Besides, Jimin was right, there’s no one apart from Taehyung who deserves to be his best man.”

 

“Even though he’s currently fucking his way back through his exes to find a date for said brother’s wedding?”

 

Seokjin frowns. “He’s fucking them?”

 

Jungkook waves nonchalantly. “It’s a tiny detail, Jin,” he says easily, earning a smack to his bicep. “You’re real cute, Jeon, but I don’ think you realise how responsible Taehyung can be, when he isn’t being a full-time idiot. You should see him when it comes to theatre. He’ll blow your tiny mind.”

 

Jungkook halts in the middle of grabbing his console. _What?_ “Wh— Did you just say _theatre_? Kim Taehyung does _theatre_?”

 

“Didn’t know that one, huh?” Seokjin smiles. Jungkook just stares at him, wide-eyed. “Well yeah, he used to. I mean, he still does act whenever he can or when Joohyeon isn’t in town but back when he wasn’t being pushed into big companies, he tried every aspect of that life, really— acting, directing, writing, you name it. Guy’s brilliant at the whole shebang, if you ask me.”

 

Jungkook feels like someone’s hit his head with a rock.

 

Taehyung— _his_ Taehyung— directs whole stage plays. Or, well, did at some point. He’s part of the acting community. _Motherfucker_.

 

Repeating the swear out loud gets him a distinctly unimpressed side-eye from Seokjin that reminds him so much of his grandmother back in Busan that he spontaneously (and uncharacteristically) mumbles out an apology. “So that’s what he likes to do? Plays? Musicals? Theatre? He doesn’t actually get a boner from accounting bullshit?”

 

Seokjin clears his throat then, awkward all of a sudden. “Well yeah, but I think it’s best if you talked to him yourself about this part of his life.” Jungkook blinks, confused and Seokjin rushes ahead. “Not to doubt your reliability or anything, I just— don’t want to divulge something he’d be uncomfortable with you hearing about, you know?”

 

Jungkook almost opens his mouth almost immediately to counter that there’s nothing Taehyung wouldn’t feel okay with confiding to him about, only to stop short.

 

He can’t say that to Seokjin; not in honest confidence.

 

Because he doesn’t know that for sure.

 

They’ve only started hanging out, what, two weeks ago? That’s barely any time, really. It’d be pretty unfair to argue, or even expect Taehyung would divulge all his secrets right away, no matter how close _he’s_ begun to feel to the other boy. With a sense of dissatisfaction brewing in him, Jungkook nods reluctantly at Seokjin, mentally reminding himself to confront his neighbour for answers later. He’s honestly surprised this secret went undiscovered by him for so long.

 

Shaking his head, Jungkook grins cheekily at Seokjin, trying to distract himself from the uneasy feeling in his chest. “You wanna try going for round two or is that also going to end up a cakewalk for me?”

 

Seokjin instantly breaks into loud complaints again, harrumphing loudly as the younger starts up the next leg of the game.

 

-*-

 

When Taehyung finally pads out from his bedroom with sleepy eyes an hour later, only Jungkook’s sprawled out on the couch, watching a random nature documentary and tearing through a bag of chips. Taehyung barely notices his absent friends before beelining straight for the younger boy’s side, the latter letting out a loud ‘ _oof_ ’ as Taehyung elbows his stomach in an attempt to snuggle close. “ _Tae_ ,” he whines. “Stop it, dude, you just slept for an hour, jeez!”

 

“Still sleepy.”

 

Jungkook huffs, trying to push the other off. “I’m not your pillow.”

 

“Jungkook soft.”

 

He freezes for a split second, ears burning red as he quickly recovers. “Sh—shut up! I don’t hit the gym everyday to be called soft by noodle boys, okay!”

 

Taehyung swings a leg over both of his and pulls him closer, still half-asleep. “Jungkook soft in all the right places,” he amends quickly.

 

Jungkook gives up on fighting his soaring heartbeat, hesitantly letting the other boy cuddle up. “That’s a fairly nice thing to say,” he admits reluctantly. “Alright, five more minutes and then I’m kicking you onto the carpet, dude, you really need to wake up then or you won’t be able to sleep at night.”

 

Taehyung grumbles groggily. “You keep me up every night anyway.”

 

Jungkook chokes. “Wh— _Tae_!”

 

“Some dumb horror movie or a stupidly good new recipe from your brother,” Taehyung mumbles. “There’s always something.”

 

Jungkook scowls. “I didn’t realise it bothered you so much, gee thanks.”

 

Fingers clumsily pat his lips and Jungkook grins despite himself at Taehyung’s adorable ‘shhh’. “Calm, calm. Drama queen not Jungkook job, ’s my job.”

 

Although the words make him want to laugh, they instantly ring a bell in his head. Jungkook bites his lip, looking down at the older boy. Would it be right to ask Taehyung about his theatre career when he’s in such a vulnerable, defenceless state? Probably not, right? But he also wants to know so badly about it; wants it to be a thing Taehyung tells him about; trusts him with.

 

Jungkook wavers. To ask or not to ask?

 

Before he can make up his mind, Taehyung’s poking his cheek, one eye open to lazily stare at him. “Thinking so loud— also not Jungkook job.”

 

Jungkook slaps his hand away, affronted. “Shut up.” Taehyung giggles.

 

“What you thinking about, coconut boy?”

 

Ignoring the title clearly meant to evoke a reaction, Jungkook clears his throat. All his doubts aside, the guy does look like he’s waking up more and more every second. Besides, he just asked Jungkook himself so it shouldn’t matter now, right?

 

 _Fuck it_ , he thinks. Worst case scenario, Taehyung tells him he didn’t think it was anything worth mentioning as such. Worst case scenario, Taehyung draws back and tells him he isn’t comfortable with Jungkook knowing. ~~Worst case scenario, Taehyung tells him he doesn’t think Jungkook’s important enough to him to deserve to know.~~

 

Thankfully, before he can completely spiral into further negative thoughts, his mouth is blurting out, “Why didn’t you tell me about your theatre?”

 

The question takes a couple minutes to register with the other boy. When he finally understands, though, he slowly sits back, blinking awake. “I don’t…have a theatre?” Taehyung says, confused. Jungkook facepalms. “No, I mean— you dumbass, I mean— like, just— why didn’t you tell me you used to do theatre?”

 

“ _Ohhhh_ , that way.”

 

“ _Yesssss_ , that way,” Jungkook imitates mockingly.

 

Taehyung rubs the back of his head. “I guess, I just thought you knew?”

 

“Wh— _How the fuck would I know_?”

 

“You’re the cop’s son, you’re the one that said he likes to keep tabs on neighbours!”

 

“And so that means I need to know your complete job history as well now?”

 

Taehyung growls, almost entirely awake now. “Is this actually what you meant to ask me, Jungkook? Because this is sounding really stupid right now.”

 

Jungkook sputters, beginning to feel really damn indignant.

 

“I just thought you’d be more comfortable telling me about a job that means something to you!” There’s a few seconds of awkward silence before Jungkook realises with a growing sense of horror that he isn’t done talking and his mouth is opening _of its own volition_. “I don’t know, I figured we were closer than just hanging around all day, making dumb jokes and searching for random people from your past, alright?” The word vomit is kinda making him sick, but Jungkook firmly turns his face back to the screen which is now displaying a rhino giving birth from what looks like a horrifically stretched butthole. He shudders. Still, better this than facing the guy he just threw all his emotional bullshit up on.

 

For the next ten minutes, both the boys stare into the television screen, unsure of how to break the slightly awkward air. Taehyung snaps first. “Jungkook, listen.” The younger boy winces internally, but keeps his gaze stoically on the tv. _Here it comes_. “You’re not just a hangout buddy with benefits for me.”

 

“…you really didn’t think that phrase out, but I’m listening, proceed.”

 

Taehyung huffs softly. “I didn’t…realise it was going to upset you this much, not knowing about what I actually enjoy doing but if it makes any difference at all— I was about to invite you to my next play.”

 

Jungkook’s neck _aches_ at how he whips his head around to face the other. “You _what_?”

 

Taehyung grins. “I usually invite Jiminnie but I figured this would be a good way to surprise you and also let you in on what I’ve always wanted to do? But obviously, you don’t have to necessarily come or anything, since you’re feeling so upset right n—”

 

“I want to come,” the younger replies, lightning-fast and bobbing his head. “Of _fucking_ course I want to come, don’t you _dare_ try tricking me, Kim Taehyung, I swear to god—”

 

“Okay, okay,” Taehyung laughs. “Take it easy, dude, I’ll send you the details once I get them from Minjae.”

 

“Good,” Jungkook says, recovering from his enthusiastic acceptance of the invite and quickly turning back to the now-relieved rhino parent. “Um, thanks for inviting me, I guess.”

 

“You’re welcome, I guess,” Taehyung teases, stretching out his limbs. “But also, like, don’t tell Jiminnie I gave you his spot, he’s never going to get off your ass about it.”

 

“And I wouldn’t want him to,” he replies dreamily, yelping as he gets a sharp smack on his arm. “Jeez, okay, I get it— no telling Jimin. Are you sure I should be going if he’s going to be so mad about it?”

 

“Oh yeah, for sure. Minnie’s been to every single play I put up, except for the repeat shows and this is just a slightly remixed version of a previous one, so you’ll be fine, really.” Jungkook flashes him a thumbs-up in the midst of shovelling more chips into his mouth.

 

“Besides I’d like it if you were there, instead,” Taehyung grins at the embarrassedcoughing fit that follows. “I’m going to get my laptop for the best man speech, don’t die till I get back, okay? If I watch you die, maybe I can claim trauma and get an easy out from having to do the damn thing.”

 

Jungkook chokes out a weak ‘fuck you’ at the other’s retreating back. _Jerk_.

 

-*-

 

“How come we never hang out at your place?” Taehyung suddenly asks, looking up after five minutes on his laptop.

 

“Because yours is bigger and cleaner,” Jungkook answers distractedly, scouting for pink gummy bears now. “Also it’s part of the deal we made when you suggested the Perfect Dick hunt, remember?”

 

Taehyung wrinkles his nose. “Stop calling it that.”

 

“Stop putting all my mail in 4A’s postbox,” Jungkook shoots back. “I know it’s you who keeps doing it and I honestly don’t know what I did to you that warranted such a miserable punishment.”

 

“Wait,” Taehyung frowns. “You don’t like talking to her?”

 

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Would you like going to return mail to one of your exes, knowing they’d highkey flirt with you every single time you had to do it?”

 

“Oh come on, you can’t compare my exes to Mila!”

 

Jungkook pauses to think. “You’re right, actually. Mila isn’t an outright douchebag every time I go to talk to her.”

 

Taehyung kicks him. “Not all of them are bad! And anyway, I’m trying to do you a favour, man— she ogles your ass every single time you take the stairs up to our floor. You really can’t blame me for having the instincts of an efficient cupid-ninja-guy,” he shrugs.

 

Jungkook finally looks up from his packet to stare flatly at the other boy. “Cupid-ninja-guy,” he repeats slowly. “A _cupid-ninja-boy_.”

 

Taehyung hastily look back down to his laptop, feeling a hot rush of embarrassment. “Shut up, I couldn’t decide which one I liked more.”

 

“You do know you have to be really subtle to do _any_ of the things that ninjas do, right?”

 

Taehyung flushes. “I’m acceptably subtle, okay, you just— like to go around, snooping and eavesdropping and ruining everyone’s matchmaking business.”

 

Jungkook just laughs, shaking his head. “How much headway have you made with that best man’s speech?”

 

Taehyung groans. “Well, I’d made a lot of progress in forgetting I have yet to finish it off so thank you a tonne for reminding me and triggering my fears again, you really are the best, Kook.”

 

“What’s the big deal about it?” Jungkook asks suddenly. “I mean, Jimin’s your _actual_ brother, you’ve been best friends since middle school and not even liking the same guy could shake you two— why is it so tough writing about how happy you are for him?”

 

Taehyung sighs. “It’s not just about him, Jungkook. If I had to write just to please him, I would’ve had this speech ready back in seventh grade.”

 

“Is it Mr. Min?” Jungkook frowns. He’s heard, obviously, that the man is tough to impress and his family’s pretty strict but it still doesn’t explain why Taehyung’s stressing this much about it.

 

“Oh no no,” the other waves his hand. “Not him, no. He’s pretty shy about revealing any emotion towards anyone other than Hobi-hyung and Jiminnie, but he’d kill for me, there’s nothing to worry about there.”

 

Jungkook waits patiently.

 

Taehyung sighs. “It’s my mom,” he says quietly. “I told you, right, that she isn’t the most…nurturing?” Jungkook nods, suddenly beginning to understand where this is going. “Well, she’s going to be there, and she’s going to be waiting for even the slightest slip up. She’s already going to be ready to trash talk my outfit, my hair— anything, really. But the speech? That’s my one chance of doing something perfectly and getting, at least, a reluctant nod from her.” He shrugs. “And that’s all I really want, Jungkook.”

 

Jungkook nods slowly, feeling a ridiculous urge to smother the other boy in a hug and assuage all his doubts and fears. But Taehyung’s sitting too far from him and Jungkook isn’t sure he has the courage to travel all the way there to give him an awkward side-hug. So he compromises. “Hey, Tae, open your mouth.”

 

“What?”

 

“Just do it.”

 

Taehyung confusedly parts his lips and Jungkook forces his eyes away. Grabbing a gummy bear, he takes aim and lets it fly across the room till it’s hitting Taehyung’s forehead. Welp. That did not work.

 

Taehyung is staring at him but Jungkook just focuses and tries again. With a background _ding!_ of success, the gummy bear lands inside his neighbour’s mouth and he whoops, Taehyung joining in with a laugh. “You’ll,” he says, flinging another in once they’ve settled; “Do,” and another; “Great,” smiling as the the final one gets in. “Don’t stress about it, Tae. At the end of all of this, when you watch that wedding tape years later, I bet you’ll only want to see the smiles you put on Jimin and Mr. Min’s faces. That’s all that’ll matter.”

 

Taehyung looks at him then, genuinely surprised. “Thank you, Jungkook,” he says sincerely. “That helps a lot.” Jungkook smiles, turning back to his gummy bear packet and humming quietly.

 

As Taehyung tries to focus on writing the second sentence of his speech, he finds his eyes constantly wandering back to the other boy. Maybe, he realises with a jolt— maybe he could just ask Jungkook to be his date to the wedding, instead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I wrote this chapter mostly in jk’s pov and I hope I did a good job showing how he’s definitely beginning to feel more than platonically for tae :) idk I kinda liked this chapter y’all please let me know if you did too, it would literally make my sad day
> 
> also!!! we crossed 10k hits holy shit!!! that’s a landmark for me and I was hoping to do a sort of lowkey celebration for that??? maybe a drabble/blurb night this coming weekend with any requests and prompts that you have for any of the ships, not only taekook? It’d be good writing practice for me and I’d love to interact with all of you!!!! let me know in the comments if you have prompts please!!
> 
> once again- I'm doing really cheap commissions [$3 for a 3k words!!!] so for that please head to my [tumblr](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com) and inbox/message me, you'd be helping me a lot!!! and also, ofc, I'm always a hoe for making new friends so please comment/message me- I'd love to talk!
> 
> I really hope this is a good chapter and that you enjoyed it, bc we're beginning to get deeper into the actual relationship and idk I'm kinda feeling like I'm not pulling it off. so yeah please please please tell me if you guys think it's all good! I feel ridiculously frail lol

**Author's Note:**

> R.A.F.K.S. stands for Research Association for Filthy Kinky Sex, but you're the only one who knows, so be cool. 
> 
> tell me what you thought on [tumblr](https://fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com)! i love chatting, come say hi ^-^  
> my next update...is today because I have too much of this written and ready to let it simply lie around. 
> 
> leave me a comment or a kudos and have a nice day, lads! <3
> 
> P.S. Jungkook enters in the next chapter!


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